Innocent but named as third party in divorce

t_a_2

Hi
I really need help / advice. I checked my Facebook this morning and have a message from a former colleague saying that his wife is filing for divorce and possibly naming me as the third party. She's convinced we've been having an affair, which is 100% untrue.
At our work Christmas party, there's a group photo and we were standing quite close, probably because we were chatting before the photographer took it. There are many photos of me at this party that could be construed as inappropriate. None are, they're just me and colleagues smiling for the camera.
All I know about my colleague is he's two children (that I think are under ten). I really don't know him well at all and definitely have never been intimate with him.
I would like two pieces of advice -
1. Do you think there's anything I can do to help? I mean should I contact her (and possibly make things worse) or just leave it?
2. I did a little research and it appears that a third party would be liable for divorce costs. If she names me, am I automatically liable? Considering I had nothing to do with their divorce aside from her wild imagination, I don't see how that's fair. Am I going to have to go to court?

Thanks for your help, my mind is pickled. I feel awful for him and I'm shocked he's let it go on for nine months without talking to me first, as perhaps I could have helped.

Thank you
Terri

justjohn

nowt like a women scorned uh...

Dont worry just cause she names you does not mean you are liable for court costs. I assume the guy will just say nothing happened.



as for 1 well you have not done nothing wrong. So just tell her so. Don't try to be her pal for god sake.

t_a_2

Hi John

She's scorned, but I don't know why! There are so many photos from that party and there is one of me and him (in a group shot). This is putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 547!
Thanks for your help. I don't know who she is in order to speak with her. I've said to the husband that I'm happy to speak to her, but I am known for being a bit of a clown, so he's probably reluctant. I don't think he's ever seen a serious side to me, but obviously I'm taking this very seriously, especially considering there are young children involved.
I think I'm still in shock, I never knew this was coming (obviously).
thanks again
terri

paddy's_mum

Put the ball well and truly back into her court. Write a formal letter to her (or better still, her solicitor if you can find out who it is) making it crystal clear that you deny any wrongdoing whatever. Make it clear that you will defend yourself vigorously if she is so stupid as to cite you as a 'guilty' party in her divorce action while having no other evidence than some photographs taken at what amounts to a public venue, plus her own vivid imagination.

I'd be astounded if her solicitor would continue to run with you being named as co-respondent in the face of such an utter denial and I don't believe any court would award her costs against you without you having admitted being the other party.

However, it occurs to me that he may have just used your name as a cover-up for who he might really have been having an affair with or that he is just too spineless to play fair with either her or you. Send your letter, be fierce about protecting your own position of innocence and then drop all contact with either of them. Colleague or not, he is dangerous and you can do without friends like that!

justjohn

well if you do not know the women then just leave it.....i assume the women thinks the guy is having an affair and is clutching at straws.....These things happen...just walk on lol

t_a_2

Hi Paddys' Mum
Do you know what, I did debate whether to go down the road of libel in a way. Not suing her or anything, but not being a nice 'we've not had an affair'. I'm waiting to hear back from my ex-colleague regarding her contact information, but if he won't give it to me, there's no way I can find her. I don't know her name (bar surname which is quite a common one) and all I know is they live in Essex, so impossible to find.
I honestly don't think he's had an affair. Not that I know him that well, but he was never one out with the crowd for Friday night drinks, he'd always go straight home (well, I assume anyway). I don't think he's used my name as a cover up as his message said that she'd seen the photo and he was naturally denying it.
Luckily he's a former colleague (I left in May), so it's not like they'd be any awkwardness over the water cooler!
thanks for your help
terri

Zazen999

i think I'd message him back saying 'wow - that was a quick affair - one photo and it's all over? - DO tell her to either get over herself or find the real culprit - I'm not interested either in you or the accusation'...

t_a_2

Hi John
I know it shouldn't affect me. It's just that they have small children that will be affected by the divorce. I feel I should do something but obviously I don't know what. And I'm bloody angry that she's named me!
Terri

one_hot_minute

You can't sit back and do nothing, that's a plain ridiculous suggestion. Paddys mums advice is spot on. Formal solicitors letter is the way to go.

Apart from the court costs etc, mud sticks, so there may start to be whispers at work if this gets out. Defend not only your finances, but your reputation.

t_a_2

Hi Zazen
His message wasn't malicious, it was just to let me know that I was potentially going to be named and why. I don't think being abusive towards him will help as he knows nothing happened. I would like to get to his wife, but don't know who she is.
Thanks
Terri

one_hot_minute

Is there any chance he actually has the hots for you and is hoping that the alleged connection / suggestion will trigger a relationship? Idiot.