urgent advice needed.

RAS

casseus

You have been looking after this woman for years whilst she spent and spent, to the detriment of your mental health.

I know this last week or so has been chaotic but your OH will continue to be completely unable to manage her finances and to provide for the kids, even when the benefits are paid, unless you step back and force her to start stepping up to the plate. She will carry on holding you to ransom over the kids until you force the issue.

She cant get a crisis loan becuase she is incapable of paying one back properly? As long as you mug up, she will keep having crises like this.

So you have to push her to get hold of the food bank, get hold of Social Services for a referral.

Does she have family anywhere?

meritaten

you tell her to phone social services and tell them that the benefits people wont pay her until child benefit is sorted (!!!!!! - child benefit is NOTHING to do with income benefits) there is no food in the house and the kids are starving! SHE has to do this - you have left and for once she has to take responsibility. YOU do not have to sell your personal possessions!!! this woman has been left with three children, everyone has done what they were supposed to do, notifying agencies etc........how the hell can the benefits people say that it will take until CHILD BENEFIT is sorted??????????? they taking the pee or what?
or, has someone phoned the benefits fraud line and said that she is making a fraudulent claim? former friends? as you go up there every day to see the kids? be very careful cass, I know who you are and think your ex has made enemies there!

AnxiousMum

In another thread about splitting up, the OP does state that child benefit was initially paid to him because his partner did not have any identification. Could be that this is still an issue? If so, then it will certainly be holding things up with IS etc - just a thought?

meritaten

why would child benefit be an issue? its not taken into account is it? millionares can get it, so why would it affect income support payment?

casseus

AnxiousMum wrote: »

In another thread about splitting up, the OP does state that child benefit was initially paid to him because his partner did not have any identification. Could be that this is still an issue? If so, then it will certainly be holding things up with IS etc - just a thought?

id isnt an issue for her now was back when we had the kids but not now.

casseus

yes i do see the kids everyday as an when i like and spend as much time as i like with them, her ex-friends as she has dropped em are pretty bitter. as they have no one to control. i have given the info you guys have supplied and urged her to contact social services something does seem a miss with her benefits claim i never had to be child benefit checked in my claims before. if her friends did phone fraud line i hope their watching out their window and seeing what destruction theyve brought to my kids and feel guilty for that. theres no need to make malicious calls it only affects three people in the out come of it and that my children.

ive never wanted or done anything to defraud anyone in my life its not in my nature, its not crossed my mind i play by the rules and stick to them, ive nothing to gain and all to lose i would never risk it.

AnxiousMum

casseus wrote: »

id isnt an issue for her now was back when we had the kids but not now.

Okay - well that's good as it won't hold things up further for her then - but thought was worth bringing up as a possible delay!

Casseus - after reading the other thread, I think you've done an awful lot, put up with more than most would, and have to admire your attitude in ensuring that your children have what they need. You do need to stop just giving her EVERYTHING though - give her what is required of you for the children, and if you want to then provide further for them as and when you can, you do it on your terms. Kids need to see that both parents are providing for them - they won't necessarily know that you give Mummy money every week to help provide for them, but they will know that you ensure they have what they need if you do it directly with them. That way too, you know that the extra money you are providing for your children is actually being used for the children, and not a night out with the friends.

Don't go selling your items at the moment - make sure that the ex gets in touch with some of the agencies that might be able to help her directly - she has to learn about responsibility at some point!

p00hsticks

meritaten wrote: »

why would child benefit be an issue? its not taken into account is it? millionares can get it, so why would it affect income support payment?

I'm not an expert, but my understanding is that it's the parent named as receiving the child benefit who is then entitled to any other benefits relating to the children......

casseus

RAS wrote: »

casseus

You have been looking after this woman for years whilst she spent and spent, to the detriment of your mental health.

I know this last week or so has been chaotic but your OH will continue to be completely unable to manage her finances and to provide for the kids, even when the benefits are paid, unless you step back and force her to start stepping up to the plate. She will carry on holding you to ransom over the kids until you force the issue.

She cant get a crisis loan becuase she is incapable of paying one back properly? As long as you mug up, she will keep having crises like this.

So you have to push her to get hold of the food bank, get hold of Social Services for a referral.

Does she have family anywhere?

she has family just her sister and brother, her sister is trying to support her though not financially not in a position to.
her brother wont help her out. her father is a low life peice of scum who begs steals and borrows from all his kids, and only see's her when he wants something off her. her mum passed away when she was a early teen, and her aunts and uncles never see her call her or enquire about her, they dont even bother to call her when her nan is taken into hospital she finds out when either she visits the nursing home or from some family friends. she is isolated in a family repect.

sassy_one

Get her to telephone Social services (Normally I would say avoid them, but she has no choice it appears) get her to tell them she has no money, has small children to feed, there is no heating or lighting in the house, and she has been refused a loan from social, they will instantly class her as in Urgent need, once this happens, they will do one of two things:

Either offer her a non repayable money voucher (Will be like a cheque)

Or get in touch with social for her and demand answers which will likely resolve the issue.

I suspect they will go with the first due to it being so urgent.

Worst case, they will want to do a review of your ex and her current circumstances, but she will get the help needed this time round.