Farther in law in a bit of a pickle.........

meritaten

ask your wife who comes first? your baby and you or her dad - cos if its dad then you, your baby and your wife may well be homeless this time next year!
Of course she wants to help him, but how on earth will taking out a large loan help someone who cannot pay off existing debts? no doubt he has told her that by taking out this loan he can pay off debts by consolidating his debts! it doesnt work like that!! you actually CANNOT take out a loan this size for the purpose of debt repayment as far as I know - and most lenders wont do it. so where is he getting this loan from? and the interest rate? sounds dodgy to me.
stick to your guns hun. DO NOT loan this man any money - instead offer to help him by getting him the right advice. and if your wife is still upset with you - show her this thread!

magpiecottage

nottslass wrote: »

I can understand your wife wanting to help her Dad, but I'd ask her if she thinks you could afford to repay the loan if he defaults

I think you mean when he defaults (again)!

Like first aid, if you are going to be of any help, you must first look to protect your own position.

He is not taking a loan secured on your home, he is asking you to take one and then lend it to him when he has already shown he can't repay a loan you made and left you paying interest on a credit card debt of £800 which would otherwise be an emergency fund of over £2,000.

I'm afraid you are unlikely to see your £3,000 again and will simply be throwing good money after bad and risking your home to do it.

WestonDave

Do you have £25k of equity in your home and are you prepared to lose it - if the answer to either of these questions is no, then you must give him the same answer. A loan like this secured on your home means that if you sell the home (i.e. because you want to move) that loan will have to be paid off before you can move which may leave you with nothing as a deposit on your next home.

ailuro2

I agree, sit down with your wife and explain much as you love your father in law (!!) you simply cannot let ANYONE no matter who they are jeopardise your lovely little baby's future security, and a roof over the baby's head is what you need to help you feel like you're doing the best thing for her and the baby. Explain to her you would lose the house if he didn't pay the loan and , god forbid, your incomes went down to a level where you couldn't repay the loan.

Tell her you are willing to accept terms to pay off the initial loan of £3,000 then after that you might be persuaded to help him out a bit more.

Both of you MUST stand firm on this - he obviously has a spending problem of some sort that's eating up his money (secret gambler or living beyond his means?)

Offer to sit down with him and go through his credit card statements etc, point him in the direction of citizen's advice bureau, but do NOT give him another penny.

Pixiechic

Hi,

I can't believe that he asked this of your wife without you, the co-owner present!

I can understand how this may have upset your wife but he is not being fair to her or you.

I agree with the other post's that you need to sit down with your wife and go through the implications of this. With a new home and a baby on the way, she needs to be realistic here too. She should know enough about your finances and how doing this would be a big financial risk.

He needs to pay back the £3000 that you have already loaned him. I would draw up a re-payment plan.

It sounds very much to me that as long as you give, he will continue to take.

Mankysteve

Just to echo others for the love of the almighty don't do it.

Best you can do is offer to help him sort his stuff out but not by lending him any-more money especially when that loan could loose you your house.

InaPickle

I think you are right to not want to do it, but in order to ruffle the fewest feathers, how you express yourself is crucial...

Tell your wife you are sorry that her father is in debt and that you would love to help him if you could, but that you are now forced to look at things in a different light given the fact that you will have a baby soon, and that you can't put your home in jeapordy - however potentially theoretical - in order to help him out. If you had the money just sitting in the bank, that would be a different matter, but neither of you do. Then use the £3K as an example (has he paid any of it back to you?). Explain that this seems a good indicator as to future potential behaviour and that you can't risk a greater sum that should be ensuring your child's security in this way. Tell her you want to help him in other ways and send him to DFW so he can start to tunnel him out of the situation himself, and get some good advice.

HTH.

ceridwen

Get the feelings out of the way and just take the bare facts - one person spots another has a bit of house equity and wants to use that OTHER person's house equity to borrow against.

He didnt take long "to pounce" after you got that house did he?

I presume you put down a reasonable deposit on the house then - and he knows that fact?

That is an awful way to act and he is clearly someone who will soon "send good money after bad" and he is trying to exploit the fact that he knows a soft-hearted person (ie his daughter). Bad enough to try and exploit ANYONE - but to try and exploit your own daughter.....:eek:

Do understand why your wife would want to help - but he really really SHOULD NOT be trying to use her like this and I do hope you get this sorted out.

It's happened to me - someone had been waiting to pounce the second they saw I had some house equity. It didnt take them long before they tried it on - and got sent packing with a flea in their ear. Some people just dont differentiate between their own property and other peoples - and, not to put too fine a point upon it, that person was trying to steal from me. Your FIL is trying to steal from you. Thats what it is - lets call a spade a spade. Your FIL is trying to steal money from you - and he thinks hes found a way to do so and get away with it...

Some people are prepared to steal - even from their own families. He won't admit - even to himself - that that is what he is trying to do. He is probably telling himself that he will pay the money back - but bear in mind a lot of people are very good at telling THEMSELVES lies. Its called "self-deception" and its surprising just how many people go in for it...and think they are more capable than they are/more honest than they are/more intelligent than they are or whatever...its very very common.

Lara44

Definitely don't lend him the money! But do point your wife towards this site and help her learn about what can be done to help him straighten out all his finances. He should get out all the bills, do a statement of affairs, visit the CAB or if necessary CCCS to sort out something like a DMP for example. All this info is at the top of the debt free wanabee board and they are lovely people

Remind him that he has options, as he sounds like he is pretty desperate to ask this of you. Don't just ask him for the 3k back! Let him know that you are there for him in other ways.

Skippycat

I think it is terrible of your FIL to even ask. If you have just bought a home and are expecting a child then you have enough financial responsibilities to be dealing with already without taking on someone elses as well. Good luck with things though as it isn't a nice situation to be put in at all. I think you will have to be firm and not give in no matter what is said. It is awful that you have been put in such an awkward position.