living abroad

Fang_3

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

we have cut back, nearly paid off our debt

That will free up some money each month and make things easier. Things will get better, but please don't do anything rash or feel that you need to do something that you're not ready for, because you could end up in a much worse position and it's just not worth it.

Have you told your husband what you were planning to do? Does he realise how serious it was? Could he not look for a better paid job here? Or maybe take on a second job to make up for what was lost?

pinknfluffy0

He knows how bad I was.
He works very long hours a second job is not possible.
He has been looking for other work but there isnt anything.
The problem is he is an agency worker so never knows what work he will have, his start times change everyday, the lack of sleep is making him ill.

This isnt something we would like, its something that feels like it might be necessary, it will kill him to be away from the children for so long.

heretolearn_2

I'd normally say this should be something a couple can deal with fairly well - he's going to be back regularly for a nice long stretch with you full-time, so you are not missing out overall.

I do know families where the husband works abroad pretty much the whole time with just 6 weeks back in the UK a year! They manage ok. I think they are mad but if money is more important to them than a family life, who am I to criticise...

But that isn't the case here, you'll still have loads of time together,

BUT

If you are feeling suicidal, it would be totally stupid to do this. Your mental health is not good enough and it puts you and your kids at risk.

If you live in a council house, have few debts, and are getting benefits, I don't see how it can be so dire a situation financially. You may not have all you want, but do you have all you need?

pinknfluffy0

It is that bad, I have been out of work we have 2 children. Some weeks I have to miss meals so the kids can eat. I make everything from scratch

pinknfluffy0

Also I am not like that all the time, I can go months and months and be fine.

ailuro2

Have you checked out https://www.entitledto.co.uk to see what, if anything in the way of benefits you might be missing out on?

Have you done an SOA and posted it on the debt free wannabe board to see if someone there can advise you on where you could find a little bit more breathing space?

Sit down with your husband and go through everything - write a list of pros and cons for the new job, see if one list is massively bigger than the other. for example, if it was unbearable would he still be able to go back to his agency job, would he get paid if he didn't stay the full 14 weeks? Would a one-off stint clear your debts, could you have someone from your family to stay while he is away?

Did you get help with your mental health issues? sometimes medication you might have been given may take a while to kick in. Once it does it is easier to see a light at the end of the tunner -
try to think about the things you have going for you (as a couple) , it can help if you write it down and read through it when you're feeling hopeless...

you are managing to reduce your debt
you have a roof over your heads
you have two lovely kids
your husband has a job, which although not ideal can sometimes be a foot in the door to more permanent positions.
you live in a country where benefits and healthcare are available, so hopefully something will come up soon that will make you feel better and help ease your financial burden too.

last but not least you have a mine of information at your fingertips with your pc in front of you, websites like http://www.approvedfood.co.uk/ might be another way to get some cheaper ingredients, and they deliver so no need to drag the kids round the supermarket if DH is at work or sleeping. It is also a way to access freecycle to scout for goods that you might need (kids bikes etc if they are that age)

Best Wishes, hope you all find a way around these hard times.

p.s. I was having a look through your more recent posts - the one about flavoured drinking water jumped out - have you tried the range of concentrates you can buy that you add to your own water bottles - we do this with DD as she prefers flavoured water, it works out a lot cheaper, and saves lugging extra carrier bags. We have a saying here, every meikle maks a muckle - or as Tesco says, every little helps

danielle1977

could you move abroad with him-its something we are looking at (even though I enjoy him being away), also can be a great chance for the kids.

pinknfluffy0

danielle1977 wrote: »

could you move abroad with him-its something we are looking at (even though I enjoy him being away), also can be a great chance for the kids.

No not really because of were it is, plus it would disrupt the kids schooling, take them away from a huge family network. If it was somewhere nice with a good school system etc we would think about it.

Violetta_2

Can I ask why it is a lot of money for this job? Is it risky dangerous? A lot of jobs are so well paid because they are dangerous. Do you think you could cope if he was away for so long, especially if you have a tendency to get ill. No offence I understand things are really difficult, & it may improve things financially but at what cost to you & your family?

pinknfluffy0

There are risks involved yes.

I think I could right now plus I have a big support network