living abroad

pinknfluffy0

Is anyone living in a different country than their other half?

I am married and we have two children. He is a lorry driver, I am unemployed. Everything has gone a bit wrong I lost my job and cant find another, he has had his hours and wages cut. We are starting to panic as things are getting so close.

He has been offered a job abroad on a lot of money, his uncle is already doing it so we know its legit. He would be gone for 14 weeks back for 6.

While the money would be great I hate the thought of our family being split up like this. Has anyone else been through something like this? how did it work out?

richardw

14 weeks is a long time to be apart, no matter how much the money is.

pinknfluffy0

I know thats what I am so worried about but he doesnt know what else to do to support the children. I wish I could give him an answer, I know he will hate being away from us.

Pixiechic

Hi,

I don't have any experience of this but there are many women who bring up their children when hubbies are away in the forces.

Also, many children who go away to boarding school and don't see their families. I only saw mine for one weekend a month and many children were from overseas who hardly saw their families at all.

I think that it can work for some, maybe not for others. Do you think that you could manage if he was away for 14 weeks? Do you have much support from family or friends?

If he would be back for six weeks , it's definately doable in my opinion. Still doable, if money is so tight, it doesn't have to permanent.

pinknfluffy0

back for 6 weeks not months

rachelet

Hi, I currently live in France with my four kids and my husband currently works in London. Originally when we moved out to France, the plan was that I would move out, get the kids sorted and then he would move out after and we would set up a business together. It was always the plan that he would spend the majority of the time in France and only have to go back to UK for work when we got desperate for money. Unfortunately the business didn't work and he had to go back to UK to find a permanent job.

My husband currently travels back once a fortnight for a weekend. In addition he gets 6 weeks holiday which we try and spread out throughout the year. I am not going to say it is easy, but you do get used to being apart and the time does go quickly. The one thing I miss, is that I have to do all the household chores, cooking and everything for the kids and there is no one to help me. My husband and I talk everyday using Skype, but when he is here, the time does go very quickly.

This isn't a long term solution and we are currently trying to find other ways of earning an income in France. I have done this for two and a half years now.

I would say go for it as it is an income and you will get used to being apart. Also, when you are together it makes you appreciate each other more.

MarsdenCuckoo

Do know of someone in similar position but older and children all grown up. Of course, it will be different for you with young children but...

a) If it helps get you over a sticky financial patch then I'd say at least it has to be worth trying
b) You'd have to discuss all your concerns fully and honestly with each other before deciding
c) Daily phone contact can be a godsend i.e. to keep your relationship current and what's going on daily in your various lives. Good tip is to check with BT (or any other provider you may be with) and if your OH can get access to a landline, you may be lucky and find that for approx. £5 a month you can ring your OH overseas free for up to an hour. (Of course, there's always Skype too....)

Good luck, whatever you decide.

scubaangel

OK take a deep breath.

If he needs the job, he needs the job. 14 weeks isn't all that long, not really, and you and the kids will treasure the time you do get together when he is home. Plus if he really doesnt like it he can keep looking for other jobs and come home again.

For me, I've lived apart from my partner for up to 8 months at a time in the past, it was incredibly hard but you make it work when you have to, I presume he'll be able to access the likes of skype, msn etc so it's not like you'll never get to speak or see one another. I have friends who are currently in a similar situation, he works for a security company in Iraq, similar periods of time away and home as you're looking at, their kids adapted to the change in life style quickly, and love it when Daddy comes home as its like having a holiday every weekend and evening after school.

Fang_3

pinknfluffy0 wrote: »

Is anyone living in a different country than their other half?

I am married and we have two children. He is a lorry driver, I am unemployed. Everything has gone a bit wrong I lost my job and cant find another, he has had his hours and wages cut. We are starting to panic as things are getting so close.

He has been offered a job abroad on a lot of money, his uncle is already doing it so we know its legit. He would be gone for 14 weeks back for 6.

While the money would be great I hate the thought of our family being split up like this. Has anyone else been through something like this? how did it work out?

Ordinarily I would say that your husband should go and do it, but given your last thread where you were threatening to leave you family and stand in A&E cutting yourself until they committed you, I have to ask what the hell you are thinking?

[Deleted User]

I've been living in another country to my OH before, however we don't have children so it's a very different situation.

It doesn't have to be forever - just long enough to get you through a financial black spot?

You need to weigh by the pro's and con's as they are for you, and your family. Discuss it with your OH, and if your children are old enough to understand the situation - ask for their opinions too.

paulwf

How much money will he spend to live abroad and travel back and forth? Is it still worth doing after that?

What impact does it have on any benefits you may otherwise be entitled to, and can he still pay NI and will he be entitled to JSA if it doesn't work out?

If it still looks viable I think it is worth giving it a go, he can quit if it isn't working out. The internet has totally transformed living apart, you'll be able to keep in touch and get free calls on skype, share photos and he will still be able to listen to UK radio and read newspapers online.

14 weeks away 6 weeks home isn't too bad, but you do need to be honest with yourself about being prepared to run the home by yourself. If you will resent him for leaving it all to you it'll be hard.