What to wear to a memorial service

Torry_Quine

Unless told otherwise I would always wear black to a memorial service or funeral. I am always amazed at what people think is suitable such as summer dresses or jeans.

Kamen_Rider_W

I'd go with everyone who says "dark, smart but not necessarily black." Pinstripes and small prints are generally OK for a funeral but nothing bold or showy

Karate

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Unless told otherwise I would always wear black to a memorial service or funeral. I am always amazed at what people think is suitable such as summer dresses or jeans.

It is a sensitive subject, but at more and more funerals and memorial services (in the west of scotland at any rate!) people are wearing less 'formal black' and seeing it as a 'celebration of the persons life' and opting to wear light colours and less formal attire.

The funeral I attended less than a month ago, summer dresses were very appropriate for the occasion.

Being there and showing your respects is the most important thing, not how you choose to dress, and at such a sad time I'm quite positive the immediate family (the only folk I can imagine people are trying not to offend here) are not going to have an interest at all in what others are wearing and probably won't even have noticed.

Torry_Quine

Karate wrote: »

It is a sensitive subject, but at more and more funerals and memorial services (in the west of scotland at any rate!) people are wearing less 'formal black' and seeing it as a 'celebration of the persons life' and opting to wear light colours and less formal attire.

The funeral I attended less than a month ago, summer dresses were very appropriate for the occasion.

Being there and showing your respects is the most important thing, not how you choose to dress, and at such a sad time I'm quite positive the immediate family (the only folk I can imagine people are trying not to offend here) are not going to have an interest at all in what others are wearing and probably won't even have noticed.

I did say that other clothing is appropriate if requested by the family. For instance I wore my football scarf when I went to the funeral of an ardent Aberdeen fan. At family funerals I have noticed and always thought that if they can't even bother dressing appropriately then it is very disrespectful. Yes being there is the most important thing but the clothes we wear are the only visible sign we have of showing respect so is very important.

Paulie'sGirl

Hi,

Here in the North East formal black is still seen as necessary, or at least in my experience. Hats are on the wane, but still not rare.

Where a memorial service immediately follows a funeral, I wouldn't see it so much as the celebration of life that is becoming more popular, but more that the family's grief is such that they wanted the funeral to be a private and intimate affair.

I'd wear something dark, preferably black or navy. If there's been no communication from the family on the dress code, I'd imagine most people will err towards the traditional dark and sombre attire.

Short skirts or dresses are also considered inappropriate here. Trousers on ladies are becoming more mainstream though.

PGxx

pollypenny

To add to my other comment, if it is the funeral of someone in a rugby club it is usual to wear clubs ties. I imagine it may be the same for other sports clubs.

I remember being cross with my 'very posh' Southern English line manager who found funerals in his adopted North Wales village quaint,
'The farmers come down from the hills, all in black'.

Patronising twit!

churchrat

At my nephews memorial service we all wore what we thought he would have liked. He was a very fashionable, smart young chap and so we all went well dressed. The girls all wore their best frocks and the older people wore smart going out clothes.

I think it all depends on the person who has died and the family. If you go wearing what they would think of as "smart" I don't think it will be wrong. Even if you go wearing something extraordinary, if that was what they would have liked then that is fine. I think I would only be upset if it looked as if you hadn't made an effort to dress for an event, and just turned up in something you would wear to Tesco's.

inkie

Perhaps I can offer a bit of advice to what I have found under the circumstances - i'm a minister. A memorial service/celebration on a date later than the funeral (some times this is months after), gives a lot more scope for flexibility in relation to dress code.
However, this is a memorial service straight after the family-only funeral and committal and so this needs to be bourne in mind.
I would play safe with smart casual dark (not necessarily black) colours. If it were me, at this time of year I would go for a smart grey or balck and white floaty summer dress (dark enough to be respectful, but then also patterned enough to not be too formal).

Just to add that I always find when conducting services that this way round of doing things seems to work better, as the whole event ends in a far more uplifting way than the finality of the cemetery/crematorium. It's what i'll be having.

divadee

at my dads service we had it exactly the same way as this the cremation first and then a service of thanksgiving afterwards. It was a great way to do it as we were not staring at the casket the whole time.

I wore black (but then i always do anyway and only own black stuff lol) but my daughter wore jeans and a chinese silk red kimono top that my dad had bought her last summer in singapore. People did tend to wear subdued colours but some wore nice bright things.

It will be a tough day for all involved, but I hope the service of thanksgiving is just that. a thanksgiving for a life however short well lived. My dad was only 65 and due to retire 6 weeks after his passing, so not quite as young as your friend. But, your friend i am sure especially being christian would want a celebration. With his faith he has gone home to his reward.

divadee

inkie wrote: »

Just to add that I always find when conducting services that this way round of doing things seems to work better, as the whole event ends in a far more uplifting way than the finality of the cemetery/crematorium. It's what i'll be having.

i couldnt agree more, its what i have requested as well. The buriel first then a real uplifting celebration.