What to wear to a memorial service

conradmum

I'm going to a memorial service in a few days' time. I've only ever been to funerals before and I'm not sure if people are expected to wear black or not.
The service is intended to be positive I think as it's referred to as a thanksgiving for the deceased's life, so I'm in a bit of a quandary over whether wearing black would be seen as going against the atmosphere the family want to generate. And it isn't the sort of time to be phoning them up to chat about clothing etiquette. Anyone help please?

Brighton_belle

I went to a memorial last month for a relative. It didn't occur to me to wear anything other than a summer dress (it was very warm weather). I have very little money and don't own anything black.
No one else was wearing black when I got there, and certainly not immediately family.
But then I wouldn't have bought anything black especially for a funeral either.

So it really depends on you and the family concerned I think. I would have thought a memorial was about celebrating and slightly less somber. It is easier for men in general isn't it - just a suit!

Oldernotwiser

How close a relationship did you have with the deceased/their family?

McKneff

Go as you please, its a celebration, a memorial of the persons life, a thanksgiving, wear something
nice and bright, I bet the family do.
Probably seen enough misery at the funeral

conradmum

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

How close a relationship did you have with the deceased/their family?

The deceased was a close friend of 20+ years. I am quite close with his wife and brother but, as I said, I don't want to be disturbing them at the moment with phone calls. I have written.

His family are practising Christians. The funeral is immediately before the memorial service but only the family are going to that.

conradmum

McKneff wrote: »

Go as you please, its a celebration, a memorial of the persons life, a thanksgiving, wear something
nice and bright, I bet the family do.
Probably seen enough misery at the funeral

I won't be feeling nice and bright, though. I can guarantee that, try as I might to put on a brave face! This was a man in his forties who leaves a wife and three school-age children, one of whom is autistic.

belfastgirl23

I have to say not being a risk taker with clothing I'd be inclined to wear something dark and smart. Doesn't have to be black, navy, dark purple, maroon etc would all be fine. Or you could team it with some white somewhere. But personally I wouldn't go for bright colours, would feel too risky to me.

Very sorry to hear about your loss

Karate

I have been at a "no black" funeral recently, and felt awkward about the dress code too.

I wore a cream and black summer dress, and OH wore his black suit, but with a purple shirt and purple tie.

Some people wore white linen type trousers with sandals, or smart black workwear type, but with brighter blouses, tops etc. Most men were in suit trousers with a light shirt and bright tie, or none atall, and some had done as my OH did.

Many woman also had on long floaty skirts, dresses.

Brighton_belle

That is very sad conundrum. It will be a tough day for you all.
The practising christians I know don't really focus on the whole black wearing thing* tbh.
I am sure being there is what will matter to them. They will be grateful for that support at such a difficult time.

ETA *they don't go for wacky bright colours either, I just mean smart that they happen to have

meritaten

do you have a nice white blouse, black trousers or skirt? but not formal? you dont want to look like a waitress? all white is acceptable too. purple is also a colour suitable for mourning. you could team it with white or black. I wouldnt wear bright colours unless they were specifically asked for.

conradmum

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I have to say not being a risk taker with clothing I'd be inclined to wear something dark and smart. Doesn't have to be black, navy, dark purple, maroon etc would all be fine. Or you could team it with some white somewhere. But personally I wouldn't go for bright colours, would feel too risky to me.

Very sorry to hear about your loss

Thanks, that's a good idea. I'll wear something sombre but not black.