REMO Advice - One Night Stand from 2 Years ago Abroad

CSA_Help

Gloomy_Past_Bright_Future wrote: »

SCAM SCAM SCAM,

As a previous poster has stated, if conception occured in October, the baby would be born either very late June or July.

Call their bluff, tell them you were diagnosed as infertile, 5 years ago, therefore the child cannot be yours, let them move onto the next poor victim.

The OP had misquoted the dates .

Sounds like a scam but at the same time the dates do work out.

He did do the deed :rotfl:

Gloomy_Past_Bright_Future

CSA_Help wrote: »

The OP had misquoted the dates .

Sounds like a scam but at the same time the dates do work out.

He did do the deed :rotfl:

Corrected dates stated as:-

Conception date (Madrid trip) October 2008

Baby Born 26 May 2009.

So baby born premature or scam?

CSA_Help

Gloomy_Past_Bright_Future wrote: »

Corrected dates stated as:-

Conception date (Madrid trip) October 2008

Baby Born 26 May 2009.

So baby born premature or scam?

Both :rotfl:

johnson12_2

Just want to thank everyone for their posts of support/advice and for not judging me. This whole thing is really stressing me out.

FBaby wrote: »

It certainly does, very much so...that sudden demand of £3,000 just like that, very rounded amount, no explanation to the sum with the provision of an account number, scam scam scam.

It's 3,000 Puna (The currency of Botswana) - I was in such a panic that I didn't read the letter properly and just changed the P to a £ sign thinking my OCR software hadn't scanned it properly.

Round_The_Bend wrote: »

Just googled family law lawyers in Botswana and found this link, which should confirm if the law firm exists.

Or contact the following:

The Law Society of Botswana
Unit 5, First Floor
Kagiso Mall
PO Box 50889
Gaborone, Botswana
Tel: +267 3900 200
E-mail: [EMAIL="lawsociety@mega.bw"]lawsociety@mega.bw[/EMAIL]

Botswana is one of the most progressive countries in Africa, with a well educated population. If you have accurately transcribed the letter that you received, I just don't see how it can genuinely be from a bona fide lawyer. Terms such as "the child that you have brought to this world" and "love relationship" are not conventional legalese I would have thought.

I also cannot imagine that a genuine lawyer would provide you with his client's personal bank details at this stage in the process, let alone offer you the opportunity to renegotiate the levels of maintenance as appears to be suggested.

Personally I would ignore the letters and await notification from the courts in Botswana, if the case is genuine. If you're still worried, why not contact one of the listed lawyers for an initial consultation so that you can find out how the child support system operates. Presumably you will only become liable for child support once an order is made, either by the courts or by the government child support agency, if one exists. Either way, I would have thought that you would still have to be notified, in order to provide you with the oppportunity to respond and presumably to give details of your income so that an accurate assessment can be made. Finally, as far as I understand, REMO only comes into force if the custodial parent has secured a child support order against you, which clearly she has not.

Thanks for your advice - I have checked out the law firm and it is genuine... from what I have read it seems like quite a reputable and good one too. Perhaps the language used in the letter is just the way they do write and do business in Africa?

clearingout wrote: »

OP - have you told your fiance yet what is happening? It's obviously your decision as to when/how, but if this isn't going to go away, it might be worth thinking about letting her know. Better that you fight this together and find out the child isn't yours, than you have the worry of it all on your own and discover at the end it is your child because you will have to tell her then? I could personally cope with the possibility of a child but wouldn't be happy about an inability to confide in me. However, everyone is different....and of course, you have to weigh it up against the possibility that she might never need to know anyway.

For the time being I am keeping everyone out of this in case it does go away.

I don't know whether or not to reply to the letter or just wait for a letter from a court... I still don't even know what I should do if I get a letter from a Court in Botswana - It will obviously be delivered to my work address and so it would be possible to claim I didn't even receive it.

If anyone knows the answers to the following and can advise me I would be ever so grateful:

1. Would it be the REMO offices or British Courts that contact me? Should I only wait until I hear from them rather than Courts in Botswana?

2. When I request a Paternity/DNA test can this be done through REMO so that a reputable firm is used?

3. Will I be liable for court fees in Botswana as stated in the letter? Can the British Courts and REMO enforce these?

4. How much could I expect to pay in child support in Botswana? Obviously her lawyer will try and get as much out of me as possible - Can REMO or the British Courts rule that it the amount she is claiming is unfair?

BLT_2

Didismump wrote: »

Be honest with your family and fiancee...(nobody is perfect...and presuming that you were not with your now Fiancee at THAT time..you are entitled to a past, albeit abit of a possible murky one)..and face this head on..

Good luck with that, 'I had a one night stand with an African woman from Botswana (where 1 in 4 adults has AIDs) and may now have to pay maintenance for the next 18 years' is pretty much guaranteed not to endear you to your fiancee.

Whilst I admire the posters optimism I have yet to meet the woman who believes their future husband is entitled to a past - especially one which involves sleazy one night stands

On the plus side at least you don't have to worry about the expense of the wedding in addition to the maintenance fees

Round_The_Bend

johnson12 wrote: »

If anyone knows the answers to the following and can advise me I would be ever so grateful:

1. Would it be the REMO offices or British Courts that contact me? Should I only wait until I hear from them rather than Courts in Botswana? You won't hear from the British courts but if you do hear from the Botswana courts, then I would try to deal with the issue at that stage; otherwise REMO.

2. When I request a Paternity/DNA test can this be done through REMO so that a reputable firm is used? Yes, although you will have to pay for this and then will be reimbursed if the child is not yours. This can only happen though if REMO is involved.

3. Will I be liable for court fees in Botswana as stated in the letter? Can the British Courts and REMO enforce these? REMO will not enforce these, I believe, nor will the British courts, who would not normally become involved in such matters.

4. How much could I expect to pay in child support in Botswana? Obviously her lawyer will try and get as much out of me as possible - Can REMO or the British Courts rule that it the amount she is claiming is unfair? Not sure how much you would have to pay, which is why it might be a good idea to contact a lawyer in Botswana for an initial consultation. For one child, the percentage of your income is usually 15-20% in most countries but the actual amounts payable can vary greatly depending upon whether this is based upon net or gross income and the deductions that are permitted. In countries such as the US, additional costs for childcare, schooling, etc. can and often are added to these amounts. Although REMO could and often did amend amounts that it considered to be incompatible with British child support regulations, I understand that this rule was abolished earlier this year and therefore, they will now enforce the existing foreign order, whatever this is.?/QUOTE]


If the child does prove to be yours, have you thought about whether you would wish to maintain contact? If so, the cost of promoting contact (i.e. travel costs) may be taken into account by the court.

Since the law firm does appear to be genuine and presumably you have checked out the details of the person, who contacted you (i.e. that they actually work for this firm and the email contact details are accurate), I would definitely be phoning another specialist firm in Botswana and paying for an initial consultation. Unlike over here, I doubt that you will find a lawyer, who will provide the initial one free, but you shouldn't have to pay more than £100, I would have thought. In my opinion, this might be a small price to pay for some peace of mind.

On another point, a couple of posters have already mentioned the HIV angle. Although you would be extremely unlucky to have become infected after one contact, obviously there is a risk. If you haven't already had yourself checked out, do so, not only for your sake but also for that of your partner. If your current relationship is serious, I would also share what is happening with your partner. Assuming that you were not a couple at the time of this event, I don't see why she should have issues with your past, although you might want to clear up the HIV issue first. If she does have issues and is not supportive, then perhaps it tells you something about her but this is only my opinion.

As always, good luck and keep posting.

clearingout

Look, as far as I see it you now have a number of major issues facing you:
1) making sure that the baby is indeed yours
2) when and how you tell your fiance what is going on
3) considering the need for an HIV test (and telling your fiance about that)
4) providing support and having a relationship with the child if it is yours

If the woman is using a reputable law firm then she feels she has something to gain. The lawyer she is using will be acting on her instructions - if she has told him you're the father, he has no reason not to believe that. If you ignore this, it may well go away but equally it may not. And I suspect that when you go on to have children with your fiance, the stress and guilt of possibly having another child out there somewhere that you're not loving, not seeing, not supporting is something that will eat you up inside. It is easy to be dismissive when your past actions look like they may ruin your current life - but at some point, it will catch up with you.

If it were me now, I'd be looking at coming clean to my fiance, getting HIV testing done, and deciding how to get a DNA test. This may well ruin your life as you know it but we all have to face up to our responsiblities and deal with it. All our actions have consequences and sadly, in this case, could prove to mess up everything for you. However, I strongly feel that as you're hiding this from your fiance, you don't have a relationship with her which is going to go the distance anyway - secrets are very, very bad in relationships.

Of course, you could look to change your job and disappear altogether? It will hang over you for the rest of your life, of course, but depending on the type of person you are, you may feel that's a risk worth taking.

Mojisola

Good post from clearingout.

You know yourself this is causing you stress. Your fiancee will have noticed this. As she doesn't know why, she may be starting to put her own interpretation on this. She may be worrying that you're getting cold feet about getting married or that you have started to see someone else. One of the basics of a good relationship is sharing the bad times as well as the good. You need to explain to her what's happening; if she can't handle it, it's better to find out now than after you're married.

Would direct action on your part sort this out quickly? Buy a DNA kit. Book a trip to Botswana. Arrange to meet her in the solicitor's office with the baby. Take the baby's sample yourself. Do your own. Send them off. When you get the result, take things from there.

clearingout

on the face of it Mojisola, I think that's a wonderful way of tackling it. However, my concern would be the conditions needed to maintain dna samples (does it last forever the way they would imply on CSI?!), the clinical conditions it was taken in (or not, if at a soclitior's office) etc. etc. It is worth looking into, however, and would give a very definitive peace of mind at the end of it.

postie_bear

johnson12 wrote: »

For the time being I am keeping everyone out of this in case it does go away.

You are making a big mistake, I kept quite to my partner when I first found out, hoping i could deal with it, I then told her and she hit the roof, because she felt i could not trust her, keeping secrets etc. Even now years later she still brings it up and it did hurt her.

If i could turn back the clock i would have told her everything from the start.

PB