REMO Advice - One Night Stand from 2 Years ago Abroad

johnson12_2

Hi There,

I’m sorry if this post sounds quite long winded. I’ve just been hit with a bit of a bombshell and I guess am looking for any sort of advice.
To start off from the beginning I went on a work training trip to Madrid a couple of years ago and had, I guess what you could call, a drunken casual encounter with a woman who was also on the training course. We had sex once and the condom split so the next day we used the morning after pill.

After the course had finished we both returned to our home countries – Me back to the UK and she went back to South Africa. We kept in touch for about a month using the work email as we both worked for the same company but she was getting a bit obsessive and so I decided to cut loose and blocked her emails and even changed my mobile number. I also visited the GUM clinic to make sure I was all clear in that respect as the condom breaking had worried me, fortunately all was ok.

Now in those two years I have gotten engaged, got promoted, saved up a hefty deposit for a flat and everything seemed to be going pretty well in my life. However three weeks ago I received an email from this girl claiming that she had a two year old son and that I was the father. She had gotten a new job in Botswana which is where she was from originally and so of course having a new email address meant her email got through to me.

My initial response was probably not well thought out and I did react badly, it was one of shock really. Being only 28 and the last thing I was thinking about was being a father. I basically told her that I didn’t really want anything to do with her and she should move on as I could not be any sort of father being 10,000 miles away. She called me a few hours later on my work phone – I guess she called the switchboard and got through to me that way which completely threw me off as I work in an open plan office and didn't work my work colleagues hearing the conversation so again I told her I wasn’t interested. She then sent me another email basically telling me I would be hearing from her Lawyer.

Now two weeks have passed and I am still completely blown away but having had time to think about it, I guess that if the child is mine then I would have to do the right thing and support it although I have no idea how I could be any sort of father from 10,000 miles away and I haven’t even thought about how I would tell my family and fianc! but I guess that is for another day.

What is now worrying me is that she is really only after maintenance payments. I mean having read around the net I am seeing figures on on the CSA website of 15% of my salary, assets being frozen and back-pay being awarded. Without trying to sound too melodramatic and not wanting to make excuses a hefty chunk of my salary is already accounted for as I have a quite sick brother who cannot work and despite incapacity benefit I still contribute a fair bit to make his life more comfortable and also within the next few months I hope to own a flat and will be making mortgage payments as well as other commitments which I won’t go into right now.

Now I’m guessing that 15% of my salary in this country would be an absolute goldmine in a country like Botswana – does REMO/The CSA take this into consideration when deciding how much money to deduct from my salary? Also could they really take 2 years backpay as well? I also read that they can pretty much take payments as soon as she names me as the father – Is this really true? Of course I will want a paternity test but again how does this work with her being in Botswana and myself here in the UK?

I don’t really know what I am asking for from this posting – advice I guess. I know some of the questions I am asking sound quite selfish but I am just trying to find out the facts and what can I expect. What can I expect from REMO, the Courts and the CSA? Will I just get a letter one day in the post telling me to appear in court?

And also if anyone has any advice on the whole situation I am in it would be most welcome.

Thanks in advance.

McKneff

First and foremost has got to be a DNA test.
If she puts it about that easily (and you of course) it could be the milkmans

DUTR

Some strange 1st posts going on of late !

Loopy_Girl

DUTR wrote: »

Some strange 1st posts going on of late !

In what way? Do you actually offer any help/advice these days DUTR as it seems to me that you just go round posting comments which are of no use to anyone and/or PWC bashing and further inducement of your paranoia?

Seems a fairly reasonable indepth post and as I know nothing about REMO I can't help. But as there are some who are, and in particular PHB, then I am sure they will be able to answer his query.

DUTR

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

In what way? Do you actually offer any help/advice these days DUTR as it seems to me that you just go round posting comments which are of no use to anyone and/or PWC bashing and further inducement of your paranoia?

Seems a fairly reasonable indepth post and as I know nothing about REMO I can't help. But as there are some who are, and in particular PHB, then I am sure they will be able to answer his query.

Well the OP has said in the post, they don't really know what they are asking.
Not sure why you are paranoid about my paranoia
This post is not PWC bashing, I have nowt against PWCs.
If the guy has got someone up the duff, then he should be contributing just as any other NRP should, does not matter where the PWC is from, we all have sob stories of going 'there' once too often :T
Just like you I can't help the OP, so what is the point of your post too?

Loopy_Girl

DUTR wrote: »

I have nowt against PWCs.

Post of the year methinks:D

Mrs_justjohn

I am not sure I can answer any of your questions and do not have any experience of this type of problem. However on reading your post a fews things spring to mind

How do you know the child (if there is one) is yours?
Could it be a scam? She may have slept with 10 men in Madrid and is hedging her bets to see what ones are likely to pay up (either a one off payment or ongoing maintenance)
You kept in touch with her for a month or so. Would she have known she was pregnant during this time? If so why didn't she mention it?
Am unsure how the CSA operate if the mother is overseas (do they have the same powers?)

Good luck :-)

Bob_the_Saver

"To start off from the beginning I went on a work training trip to Madrid a couple of years ago and had, I guess what you could call, a drunken casual encounter"

"Now in those two years I have gotten engaged, got promoted"

"I received an email from this girl claiming that she had a two year old son"

My maths isn't always 100% but there seems to be 9 months missing somewhere
is this a joke?

shannon_83

dont worry about my ex lives less then 15 mins away they no where he works and lives as i have told them but some how they never seem to catch up with him if they cant mange that then i dont like the chances of being able to manage this suitition

Bob_the_Saver

shannon_83 wrote: »

dont worry about my ex lives less then 15 mins away they no where he works and lives as i have told them but some how they never seem to catch up with him if they cant mange that then i dont like the chances of being able to manage this suitition

Translation please

PlayingHardball

Hiya, I would say don't panic. If the child is yours (highly unlikely with the morning after pill, I would think, but are you sure she took it?) but if the child is yours, REMO will not be able to back date child support to the time the baby was born. It would only be dated from the time that the Botswana courts awarded a court order for child maintenance, and that would take quite some time. Botswana is a country where Remo operates. I am currently in the REMO process myself with Germany. I'm the PWC (parent with care). My situation is very different, the father IS the father, we were married for quite a long time.

Here is the link for more info on REMO...

http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/setup/remo-countries.asp#jump-b

You could always call the REMO offices in London to ask specific questions about how she would prove paternity, if she is determined you are the father. I'll do some research into that tomorrow and see if I can come up with anything of help.

Best thing I can say is not to panic.