REMO Advice - One Night Stand from 2 Years ago Abroad

johnson12_2

Thanks for the responses so far.

Bob_the_Saver wrote: »

"To start off from the beginning I went on a work training trip to Madrid a couple of years ago and had, I guess what you could call, a drunken casual encounter"

"Now in those two years I have gotten engaged, got promoted"

"I received an email from this girl claiming that she had a two year old son"

My maths isn't always 100% but there seems to be 9 months missing somewhere
is this a joke?

No joke - getting the dates right whilst typing my post wasn't my priority. The Madrid trip was in October '07.

PlayingHardball wrote: »

Hiya, I would say don't panic. If the child is yours (highly unlikely with the morning after pill, I would think, but are you sure she took it?) but if the child is yours, REMO will not be able to back date child support to the time the baby was born. It would only be dated from the time that the Botswana courts awarded a court order for child maintenance, and that would take quite some time. Botswana is a country where Remo operates. I am currently in the REMO process myself with Germany. I'm the PWC (parent with care). My situation is very different, the father IS the father, we were married for quite a long time.

Here is the link for more info on REMO...

You could always call the REMO offices in London to ask specific questions about how she would prove paternity, if she is determined you are the father. I'll do some research into that tomorrow and see if I can come up with anything of help.

Best thing I can say is not to panic.

Thank you very much, that would be so kind of you if you could find anything.

I'm pretty sure she took the pill, however a lot of alcohol was consumed during that time so it makes me wonder if that could have affected it.

AnxiousMum

As PHB says - don't panic! You cannot be held liable for any child support prior to being contacted by the courts. Just in case the child is yours though - do put some money away each month so that when you do get your first payment due (if you do!) then you have the money put aside, and are used to keeping that money aside.
I'm also in the REMO program, but with Canada - again no question on paternity etc. The CSA have no control on your situation. The mother would apply through a Botswana court, you would then get a hearing in a Magistrates Court here - where they would need to determine whether the provisional order given to them by Botswana would be made final and made enforceable here in the UK.

Firstl - I have to agree on the post above which mentions a 2 yr old child from a one night stand 2 years ago......did she skip the entire pregnancy? Is there really a baby? You'll want to know date of birth of the child for one, it might be possible to get more information from her if you can have a talk with her on the phone, or by civil emails. The more information you have, the better prepared you can be with questions etc. for the court. Insist on a DNA test - it may cost you a bit up front, but could end up saving you many thousands over the next 16 or so years.

I'll have a look and see what the Botswana child support amounts are, and see if they have their procedures etc. available.

Just don't panic - you're not going to be confronted initially with a huge bill - but for a request of your financial information etc. so that the courts there have the info they need to make a provisional order. Just make sure that you do not acknowledge being the father, and request the proper evidence of this.

wuckfit

If the One night stand happened in October '07 then any baby would be due around June '08.
With that in mind, first you need to find out if this tallies.
Obviously one major question which raises its head is "why has she waited so long to get in contact with something so important?"
At the very outside, she should have known she was pregnant by November/December '07. that's nearly three years ago. Of course if you'd been actively blocking her it might have taken that long for her to get in touch.

If, for any reason, you doubt that the baby exisits at all, a risky strategy might be to see if any casual enquiries to her old office confirm that she was away to have a baby and if so, when. It's not something I'd recommend doing really as it could backfire. But if you have any colleagues in that office that you speak to regularly you could possibly see if there's any general information you can get. If she was off for maternity leave then it won't be a secret in that office, is what I mean.

Is your own line manager aware of the situation? it might be beneficial to have a confidential chat at this stage as this may impact on your work. In fact getting it out in the open as far as the management are concerned might actually help you to get this sorted more quickly.

The first thing you should do if this turns 'official' is ensure that this is definitely your child, by way of a DNA test. Even if it doesn't get as far as REMO, you might want to consider it for peace of mind anyway. There is no point in paying up now and attempting to deny paternity later, as countless others have discovered. as soon as you pay anything, it can be assumed that you are accepting paternity. if you have ANY doubts whatsoever you must insist on a DNA test before you part with a penny.

If this is your child, I hope you'll do the right thing and at the very least pay money into a trust fund or something for the kid when he's older. Also you need to consider how you'll feel about missing out on your son's childhood.

Mojisola

wuckfit wrote: »

At the very outside, she should have known she was pregnant by November/December '07. that's nearly three years ago. Of course if you'd been actively blocking her it might have taken that long for her to get in touch.

As they both worked for the same company, she would have had no difficulties getting in contact even if she did it through sending him a letter at the business address or going through his manager.

jamespir

i reckon it's some kinda scam like the my dog has died emails you get so id tell her where to stick it

Mr.Mulla

Oh wow! That is quite a sticky situation, which can happen to anyone who indulges with one night stands. A paternity test would surely be the next step since it seems the mother of the child is bent on getting a part of your salary for child support.

Should it turn out that you are the child's father, then you will have to do the most responsible thing to do, and that is give the due child support to your child.

It might mean a big amount, and your finances will surely suffer, but look at it this way, it's not money lost or wasted because it will be for your child. No matter how unplanned his coming to life is, he is still your child and he certainly has nothing to do with his being born.

My apology if I sounded too forward. I hope you'll find answers to your questions soon.

Shelldean

PlayingHardball wrote: »

Hiya, I would say don't panic. If the child is yours (highly unlikely with the morning after pill, I would think, but are you sure she took it?) but if the child is yours, REMO will not be able to back date child support to the time the baby was born. It would only be dated from the time that the Botswana courts awarded a court order for child maintenance, and that would take quite some time. Botswana is a country where Remo operates. I am currently in the REMO process myself with Germany. I'm the PWC (parent with care). My situation is very different, the father IS the father, we were married for quite a long time.

Here is the link for more info on REMO...

http://www.csa.gov.uk/en/setup/remo-countries.asp#jump-b

You could always call the REMO offices in London to ask specific questions about how she would prove paternity, if she is determined you are the father. I'll do some research into that tomorrow and see if I can come up with anything of help.

Best thing I can say is not to panic.

the morning after pill is NOT 100% I know. Had the exact same problem ( condom split) but with my regular partner not wanting any more kids. I made him take me to A &E ( condom split xmas night!!!) for morning after pill. My son will be 12 next mth.!!!

Didismump

I agree with 'most' of the posts above...you need to check all dates regarding the pregnancy....find out the babys date of birth & name ( if poss before you get any letters from anyone wanting money...go through your company to find out if she had time out to have the baby...check for any scams...make sure you obtain a DNA test ( somehow..a pain I know as you will have to pay out initially..but best to find out now and get this sorted asap) and get your head around the facts...
Be honest with your family and fiancee...(nobody is perfect...and presuming that you were not with your now Fiancee at THAT time..you are entitled to a past, albeit abit of a possible murky one)..and face this head on..
Do NOT think it will go away..as IF she( the one night stand) follows through with what she told you and goes through the Courts, you do need to get onto this with immediate effect, and get your side sorted out....
I am sure everyone will understand in time ( and after a few hiccups), and IF the baby ( is actually in existance and ) is yours, then you will have to decide to try and make the effort to travel and make the bond, which the baby (if yours) really should have....

First and foremost..before you tell anyone ( unless your Fiancee was DEF not on the scene at the time...in which case I would suggest you ask for her support) get all dates clarified, and find out for sure about the baby ( it MAY not exist..OR it may NOT be yours)...
You could easily be the Father..the morning after pill does not always work..whatever ..do not shun any responsibilities...''Be like a stamp and stick to it until you get there''
Good Luck...:)

DKLS

I suppose one advantage is you would be dealing with the botswana legal system, shouldnt take much, maybe a couple of grand in bribes for all this to go away. Obviously check if the kid is yours or not first and preferably use a european DNA lab as I wouldnt trust those african ones as having implemented a decent QA/QC system.

johnson12_2

Sorry to bump up this old thread. I didn’t really know what to do so kind of tried to run away from this situation by not doing anything and hoping for the best.

This morning at work I received the following letter in the post addressed to my office address from the girls Lawyer in Botswana:


Re: DEMAND FOR MAINTENANCE FOR THE MINOR CHILD XXXXXX
1. Reference is made to the above matter.
2. We advise that, we act for XXXXXX, the mother and guardian to your child XXXXXX.
3. Our instructions are that, you and XXXXXX had a love relationship, consequent to which you engaged in unprotected sex resulting in her getting pregnant and giving birth on the 26 May 2009.
4. We are also instructed that, you have refused to take responsibility by supporting the child.
5. ln terms of the laws of Botswana you have an obligation to support the child that you have brought to this world. ln other words it is not for you to decide whether you would support or not.
6. We therefore on the basis of what we state above, demand maintenance in the sum of 3,000.00 Pounds Sterling equivalent, the first payment to be made to client’s account at Standard Chartered, Account No. XXXXXXX, Gaborone, Botswana.
7. We advise further that, in the event you have a counter-proposal on the amount of maintenance, we are open to discussion.
8. Should you decide not to comply with our demands we shall have no choice, but institute court proceedings and hold you liable for legal costs.
9. Our email address appears on this letter, we would appreciate your response as soon as possible.


I have to admit I am completely panicking now. Haven’t got a clue what to do. Can the Botswana court order me to pay £3,000 and court costs and have this enforceable by a UK Court?

Do I write back to the lawyer telling them that they should go through REMO and that way I can get a DNA test, etc?