Dating whilst in heavy debt....

robin_banks

Jimbobjigglyjam wrote: »

Hi, as Ive mentioned in another part of the forum, Im in severe debt, but I really would like to start looking to settle down in the near future, I'm just looking for opinions really on whether this is a wise move, I've been single for 4 years now and now I'm well into my thirties I'm missing a relationship especially as those around me are engaged and/or making people?;)

It's just another area where debt can be suffocating. But you owe it to yourself (no pun intended).

BLT_2

Kate78 wrote: »

Well it depends if he wants to date a woman who's after his money or not.

I make my own money, own my home (ok - with mortgage!) - I'm not looking for someone to keep me.

I don't think I'm the only woman out there with that attitude, surely?

Well done for that, however

have you ever noticed that guys with ferrari's, however old, never have ugly women sat next to them.

ali-t

I can see it now - the next new board on here will be a dating board for like minded people to hook up. C'mon Martin what are you waiting for??

property.advert

I wouldn't date a woman who was heavily in debt unless it was connected with a failed business or something serious. Anyone who has just overspent for years impersonating Imelda Marcos would not get a look in.

Pixiechic

property.advert wrote: »

I wouldn't date a woman who was heavily in debt unless it was connected with a failed business or something serious. Anyone who has just overspent for years impersonating Imelda Marcos would not get a look in.

:rotfl:I love it when post's actually make me laugh out loud! :rotfl:

ceridwen

benb76 wrote: »

Why not go on dates with men who aren't as good looking as you? If they know they're punching above their weight then they won't be so bothered about paying the lion's share of your dating costs, drinks, meals etc.

Problem sorted. You've not been charged for this advice.

I've tried that before now - years back ..when I was on the dating scene.
It didnt work - he had said to me "You're out of my league" at the start - but it didnt stop him expecting me to actually pay a bit more than 50% (even though I'm a woman and he's a man and we're in the middle-aged agegroup - ie where men still expect to pay a bit more, because women still expect to earn a bit less). I came to the conclusion that he'd got some little equation in his head that said "She isnt paying 50% unless she pays a bit extra -reason because I'm the one driving the car/paying petrol to get us round" :cool:

Anyways - back to the topic at hand - yep...no reason not to have cheap dates...the walk in the park/homecooked meals/etc scenario. Some of us are fine with this if we know the guy hasnt got much money.

The one thing I would say is to be upfront with the woman (ie tell her just a few dates in) about the level of debt/why the debt happened/how hard you are working on getting out of debt/you fully intend to make sure that you pay everyone back everything you owe them (even if the law has said you don't legally have to).

I would be okay personally - I think - about going out with a man who was in debt - PROVIDED he was fully upfront about/was trying as hard as he could/would never get in debt again and I could see clearly that he wouldnt agree with using any legal devices (bankruptcies/IVA/etc) to try and get out of paying anyone what he owed them. So - in debt would rate as - I think - acceptable in my book. But bankruptcies that he was using to get out of "paying his dues" would see me waving him a very swift farewell.

i would also need reassuring that my own finances would never suffer in any way because of your debt - ie we wouldnt get married/live together until all the debt had been paid back and financial arrangements would then be agreed between us that it wasnt possible for my own finances to ever get called on to cover any of your costs.

Sorrees - didnt mean to sound harsh - but most women would want to know that their own finances were quite "safe" (particularly if they wanted children at any point) and that a man was taking an "honourable" stance towards repaying his debts to others (if only as a way of checking that he would "treat them right" personally).

Jimbobjigglyjam

ceridwen wrote: »

I've tried that before now - years back ..when I was on the dating scene.
It didnt work - he had said to me "You're out of my league" at the start - but it didnt stop him expecting me to actually pay a bit more than 50% (even though I'm a woman and he's a man and we're in the middle-aged agegroup - ie where men still expect to pay a bit more, because women still expect to earn a bit less). I came to the conclusion that he'd got some little equation in his head that said "She isnt paying 50% unless she pays a bit extra -reason because I'm the one driving the car/paying petrol to get us round" :cool:

Anyways - back to the topic at hand - yep...no reason not to have cheap dates...the walk in the park/homecooked meals/etc scenario. Some of us are fine with this if we know the guy hasnt got much money.

The one thing I would say is to be upfront with the woman (ie tell her just a few dates in) about the level of debt/why the debt happened/how hard you are working on getting out of debt/you fully intend to make sure that you pay everyone back everything you owe them (even if the law has said you don't legally have to).

I would be okay personally - I think - about going out with a man who was in debt - PROVIDED he was fully upfront about/was trying as hard as he could/would never get in debt again and I could see clearly that he wouldnt agree with using any legal devices (bankruptcies/IVA/etc) to try and get out of paying anyone what he owed them. So - in debt would rate as - I think - acceptable in my book. But bankruptcies that he was using to get out of "paying his dues" would see me waving him a very swift farewell.

i would also need reassuring that my own finances would never suffer in any way because of your debt - ie we wouldnt get married/live together until all the debt had been paid back and financial arrangements would then be agreed between us that it wasnt possible for my own finances to ever get called on to cover any of your costs.

Sorrees - didnt mean to sound harsh - but most women would want to know that their own finances were quite "safe" (particularly if they wanted children at any point) and that a man was taking an "honourable" stance towards repaying his debts to others (if only as a way of checking that he would "treat them right" personally).

Thats quite alright ceridwen, its your point of view and its welcome, it was always my intention that if I was to have kids, I would need to be in a sound financial set-up otherwise that would be unfair both on the child and my other half, shame its going to take a few years, one can hope the tadpoles are still flowing when my debt has cleared up (thus depending on me being in a relationship of course;)

AlwaysWorking

Jimbobjigglyjam wrote: »

it was always my intention that if I was to have kids, I would need to be in a sound financial set-up otherwise that would be unfair both on the child and my other half, shame its going to take a few years, one can hope the tadpoles are still flowing when my debt has cleared up

Being a man you can afford the luxury of time....being female, it isn't so easy. Hence I am working daft hours trying to pay off my debts so I can afford a social life again!

Jimbobjigglyjam

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

Being a man you can afford the luxury of time....being female, it isn't so easy. Hence I am working daft hours trying to pay off my debts so I can afford a social life again!

Well I wish you to same amount of good luck in your quest as I feel I'm going to need;)

brokeinyorkshire

Kate78 wrote: »

Any decent woman you would want to settle down with would know it's not about how much you spend.

Some of us actually feel more comfortable when the guy isn't spending loads on a date because it can make us feel obligated iyswim

Although don't be like the fella who on a first date suggested "Shall we split the bill?" for a fiver's worth of tea and cakes. :mad: There was no second date!

You can be money saving without being stingy

I couldn't agree more.

Well said!!