Dating whilst in heavy debt....

Jimbobjigglyjam

Hi, as Ive mentioned in another part of the forum, Im in severe debt, but I really would like to start looking to settle down in the near future, I'm just looking for opinions really on whether this is a wise move, I've been single for 4 years now and now I'm well into my thirties I'm missing a relationship especially as those around me are engaged and/or making people?;)

AlwaysWorking

Hi! This is a tricky one....on one hand I want to tell you to get out there and have some fun. Being in my 30s and single I completely understand you wanting to meet someone and settle down, especially when all your friends have. :kisses3:....but on the other hand, I've looked at your SOA and you have very little money for entertainment. If you were to meet someone it would put a lot of pressure on your budget, even to do relatively inexpensive things....

I'm in a very similar situation. I've taken on a second job and am working lots of hours, paying as much off my debt as possible. I've decided not to think about dating until I have some of it cleared so I can afford to date and cut back on the hours I work. I'd be afraid if I started dating now there would be meals going on the credit card and I'd be back where I started! :rotfl:

Could you perhaps get a second job and concentrate on paying off some of your credit cards? You could set yourself a goal and if you keep your head down and work loads for say 6 months, paying as much off as you can, then you could think about getting yourself back on the dating scene?

robpw2

could you find others who have similar debts you could help eachother and thus get to meet people and they would understand the need for mse style dates

ailuro2

join your local credit union?

of course dating costs money, but there will be things you could do for free with anyone who was in the same boat (ie has debt )

who knows, if you met someone you might end up sharing househild bills with them, which would help you get debt free sooner.;)

Kate78

Any decent woman you would want to settle down with would know it's not about how much you spend.

Some of us actually feel more comfortable when the guy isn't spending loads on a date because it can make us feel obligated iyswim

Although don't be like the fella who on a first date suggested "Shall we split the bill?" for a fiver's worth of tea and cakes. :mad: There was no second date!

You can be money saving without being stingy

Magpie.

I've just started seeing someone who was one of my closest friends for a couple of years (I'm still trying to get my head around it!)

I know he doesn't earn much as I know his personal circumstances and he doesn't have the sort of cash to splash around like my previous boyfriend did but I understand that. I'm a single parent and I don't have wads of money either and I like the fact we do things together that don't cost much money.

ellay864

When my OH and I got together we weren't doing the 'desperately seeking' bit but we met, clicked and it just happened. He had massive debts but we've worked through them together. He's realised he has to be more careful, I've helped him by turning into a card tart so we're losing the crippling interest. I pay for most things for the house and holidays but I have him - I've been in better shape financially but an emotional mess before so for me it's a no brainer. It's what being a couple is about and when we get hitched next year we certainly understand the 'for poorer' bit of it

Lara44

I think you definitely could as long as you're creative about it, and dates aren't sitting in all the time. Where are you based? In London there are loads of galleries and museums for free. I used to borrow membership cards for the 'pay for' exhibitions part when totally skint and in debt.

Here there are also a huge range of restaurants to eat extremely cheaply, serving Vietnamese, Bangladeshi and Pakistani food with mains and side dishes under £10. Some really *amazing* food, no need to compromise on quality. Some places you can bring your own with no corkage. There are also all the usual offers, early dining set menus, restaurant vouchers, orange wednesdays cinema tickets.

Also there's the option of dinner parties. Firewalker on her thread has cooked a 3 course French meal for £1.50 per person. Just get your guests to bring the wine! I gave up drinking mostly for about a year so that I could still go out to the pub with friends but just get water, or a coke or juice.


There are also bike rides with picnics, beers in the park as the sun goes down, long walks, homemade tea and cake tea parties. Special playlists made on Spotify (free internet streaming music). Book club?

Still I think you might need about £10 per week? Have you slashed and burned your SOA or are there any protected areas you could borrow a bit from?

Pixiechic

Hi,

Personally, I think that your main priority should be reducing your debt. That doesn't mean that you can't meet someone just that your main focus is paying off what you owe.

Why don't you try and get a job at your local pub? Even if it's only a few nights a week or weekends. That way you are earning money but still meeting people.

There are plenty of things that you can do that don't cost a lot of money. I think though, that if I met a guy in huge debt, it might not put me off if I saw that he was doing everything he could to reduce it as soon as possible.

Getting married and having babies is all great but you need some security. Focus on that first and then who knows. Your'e a man (guessing from your username!) so your biological clock isn't ticking away so loudly!

Good luck

benb76

Why not go on dates with men who aren't as good looking as you? If they know they're punching above their weight then they won't be so bothered about paying the lion's share of your dating costs, drinks, meals etc.

Problem sorted. You've not been charged for this advice.

carolinejane_2

I dont see why you cant date .....not everything fun costs money:) but one thing I would say is that you must be really honest as soon as you can. I would not judge a man on how much money he had for sure but I am afraid I would be quite wary of someone in lots of debt in case it happens again in our relationship. If you are honest and show the person all the efforts you are putting it to sort out your issues then I am sure you will find the right person for you.