Dating whilst in heavy debt....

Lirin

My husband was in his 30's when I met him- straight off he was honest about his debt, accrued from divorce.
It didn't put me off at all. If he'd tried to hide it, I would have bee upset, and would have reconsidered maybe- I like honesty.
We had cheap dates, but very romantic- walks along the beach, picnics in the local park, watching the sunset together.
As soon as I knew, I made a conscious decision to help him reduce his debt, by shopping cheaper, sharing bills, etc.

Silk

benb76 wrote: »

Why not go on dates with men who aren't as good looking as you?

How do you know Jason's gay ????
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

My advice would be to date rich widow's

Not my usual part of the forum but I noticed this and reminded me of a mate

Seriously though my advice would be to bring it out into the open regarding you trying to clear the debt soon into any date.
Advantage's are it show's you have become responsable and coming to terms with life etc etc It also shows good reason as to why you can't afford expensive meals trips out etc but this should only be a temp situation etc
It worked well for a mate of mine and they have been together over nine years now so don't be put off

Jimbobjigglyjam

Thanks guys, well the general consensus seems to be go for it but tread with caution, I actually believe that I spend less when I'm in a relationship(I'm sure I'll get some stick for saying that), The problems are obviously when do I tell my prospective partner about my woes, honesty is an essential in any good relationship but then so the fear of rejection crops up if she wants out because of it. If a rich widow is the right girl for me Silk then thats great but I've got a little integrity and whoever I date, I'd go crazy if any of them thought I was in it 'for the money', once again, thanks for your advice and opinions, much appreciated;)

minimoneysaver

Why don't you get an evening job in a place where you can meet other people? I'm thinking a pub, bowling alley, cinema etc. That'll give you an opportunity to earn more money and possibly meet people too. x

BLT_2

Kate78 wrote: »

Any decent woman you would want to settle down with would know it's not about how much you spend.

PSML - that's narrowed down his field considerably :rotfl:

BLT_2

benb76 wrote: »

Why not go on dates with men who aren't as good looking as you? If they know they're punching above their weight then they won't be so bothered about paying the lion's share of your dating costs, drinks, meals etc.

Problem sorted. You've not been charged for this advice.

Ah great idea, he has no social life but you want him to go round looking for ugly guys and offering to accompany them for free drinks. And when he finally sees that female of his dreams I take it he goes up to her and says 'hi, can I get one of my friends to buy a drink for you and later you can pay for a taxi back to my place' :rotfl:

You haven't been charged for this analysis of your advice

Jimbobjigglyjam

minimoneysaver wrote: »

Why don't you get an evening job in a place where you can meet other people? I'm thinking a pub, bowling alley, cinema etc. That'll give you an opportunity to earn more money and possibly meet people too. x

Thanks minimoneysaver but as I work the nightshift (another big turn-off I'm led to believe) as it is I'm thinking an evening job is pushing it a little;)......

Kate78

BLT wrote: »

PSML - that's narrowed down his field considerably :rotfl:

Well it depends if he wants to date a woman who's after his money or not.

I make my own money, own my home (ok - with mortgage!) - I'm not looking for someone to keep me.

I don't think I'm the only woman out there with that attitude, surely?

Mr.Mulla

I can understand and imagine how you must be feeling. However I would advice that you focus on improving your financial status first. Or if somehow you feel that the person you plan to date is really very special and that you feel you would come to the point that you would want to spend the rest of your life with her, well then go ahead and date her but you will have to be very honest with your financial status with her.

On the other hand, if you plan to go on dates just to have fun well then that will not be a very good idea because it will definitely ruin your budget and you'll end up where you started in the first place. And all your months of hard work to edge up on your debt will just be wasted.

Just my 2cents.

Pee

I wouldn't avoid dating. It makes sense that someone on this forum might be a good match, too, because they would understand that having debts you deal with is a good point, having debts you still have your head in the sand about are a bad start to a relationship.

It is difficult to know when to discuss it, though.

Any woman worth having would be with you for the pleasure of being together, not the pleasure of spending your money, so although it may be harder to find someone, the chances are when you do find them it will have a better chance of working out longer term.

I don't think avoiding a relationship because you want to sort your debts first, want to get your career sorted first, want to lose weight first are really good reasons to delay. Meeting the right person is fairly hard and you'll be lucky if it happens overnight anyway. (Maybe not the best choice of words there!)