She saves everything... I mean EVERYTHING

madauri

lynzpower wrote:

If she wants to sort it out then fine, and of course be there for her to help, but if she doesnt then all you can do is leave well alone. If she did want to sort it I guess you could pick up a filing cabinet from an office salvage place sometimes you can get them for as little as a fiver, that might help a bit if shes committed to keeping allthese leaflets and the like.

HTH

Thank you for your input, linz, the first part of your post is very informative. I hadn't considered it that way.
On the other hand, it seems to me you don't quite understand the situation here. It is not fine and she cannot go on living like that, and a filing cabinet will not help because of the fact that she'd need the whole flat filled with cabinets to keep in them everything she has around.
It has to be seen to be believed.

madauri

"How would she feel about a sheltered accomodation flat?"

That sounds like a brilliant idea, actually, but that is impossible at the moment. She lives in Spain and there the scheme of things is different. Such type of accommodation is much more expensive than an average tiny apartment, and we cannot afford to take here anywhere more expensive than where she is now - a 4-bedroom flat where we all moved to in 1980.

Mrs(no)money

Becles wrote:

If she is happy living among junk and collecting "rubbish", what's the harm?

My Grandad collects all sorts of stuff. He recently took my aunt's bannisters when they were replaced "just in case". How many times do you need an emergency bannister?

Keeps him happy though, so we just let him get on with it!

Im sorry i have no constructive advice on how to deal with this, but the emergency bannisters did make me giggle!:rotfl:

V_Chic_Chick

I haven't read the whole thread, but I suggest watching 'How Clean is Your House' with her.

Also, you don't mention how old she is but could it be something to do with dementia?

System

My mother is much the same, she has moved flats twice in 5 years. She was in hospital the first time and she rattled round her large flat. It was evident she could no longer cope with the flat the size it was and she went into sheltered housing. However, a lot of her furniture had to be thrown away and she never really got over it. The second time she moved i think because she was a little stronger in herself, she realized for the first time how much junk she had collected and has started throwing bits away herself.

chardonnay_2

my aunt is a terrible hoarder. she recently decided to move to a bungalow as she was getting older and finding her stairs a problem. after years of searching for the right house in a certain area she bought one and moved. trouble was this house was much smaller and she found it impossible to deal with her rooms stuffed with boxes of clutter (that she didn't know what to do with) that she moved back to her old house and put everything back where it came from. an extreme case you'd have to agree!

she still has all my grans belongings since she died and even had my grandads ashes in a box in a cupboard.


she also lives alone and does get lonely.

lily_the_pink

I recently finished sorting through my nans house after she died. She was another clutterbug - though she had of her own free will some years previously thown away her 50 year collection of colour supplements (yes I am sure they were worth something but the whole family had a collective sigh of relief when she took them down to the paper recycling place).

However - I now have millions of buttons, a room ful of fabric and other members of the family have other parts of the hoard.

This is just the useful stuff - we also found about 40 pairs of trousers which she had been meaning to alter, (alterations started so no use even to a charity shop), dozens of picture frames (another hobby), carboard that would house all the homeless under waterloo bridge, and vegetable seeds going back 15 years (I did manage to get a few broad beans from some of the old packets - these would have been bought by my grandfather 10 years ago). There were also 200 VHS and betamax :eek: videos - all with the titles neatly written on but of course completely different programs on the tape (or the first 20 minutes missing).

Mum and I would always try to get her to sort things out - and she would curse us if we tried to throw things away (and moan to the rest of the family).

She lived in a bungalow but I am sure she would have had an emergency bannister given half a chance.

mclaren_2

Becles wrote:

If she is happy living among junk and collecting "rubbish", what's the harm?

mice, beasties, vermin, flys, smell, dirt, clenleness, hygene, ... need i go on?

If its a serious problem, if its a rented house or council house, you must get her to clear it, as if the landlord gives inspection, they would tell her to get it cleaned or face eviction. If its bought, the enviromental health can still get a court order to get it cleared, and if she fails to do this, the court will order the house to be cleaned by enviromental health, who, will through everything out, inc things that might be sacrid or family airlooms, and she would be in court!

This is a problem that you have to sit down with her and explain it straight to her. I know its hard but if nothing is done, mice and other vermin will be there nesting inside the clutter.

You can get enviromental health to give you a hand, they would charge but it might be worth it

Annando

It's not only old people, my brother is 43 (his b'day is today) and he is a hoarder, it has got to a point where he will rumage in bins looking for stuff people discard but might come in useful. I helped him clear his house 3 years ago but don't know in what state it is now... dread to think about it. It's something that sadens me, I don't know what to do and how to help him, and at the same time I feel ashamed, I know I shouldn't, that he is my brother but I just think what a waste of life, time and energy...
We have tried suggesting that he goes to a doctor, talk to a therapist, seek help, but he doesn't want to, he thinks he doesn't have a problem.

We all live in different countries so it's really difficult to be able to help, he lives in Brussels and I'm here in the Uk, my mum lives in Brazil. I get calls from his ex-wife and his friends about this, when I try talking to my mum about it she just tells me she's too old and doesn't want to have any more problems and buries her head in the sand.

This has affected all his life and I feel that he is in a downward spiral which really frightens me, and I really don't know what to do.

I'm sorry to be so down beat, I got a phone call 2 days ago from one of his friends and haven't been able to talk about it with anyone since.

Does any one have any suggestions of what I could do to help him?

Anne

lynzpower

madauri wrote:

Thank you for your input, linz, the first part of your post is very informative. I hadn't considered it that way.
On the other hand, it seems to me you don't quite understand the situation here. It is not fine and she cannot go on living like that, and a filing cabinet will not help because of the fact that she'd need the whole flat filled with cabinets to keep in them everything she has around.
It has to be seen to be believed.

I have worked for a while in older peoples social services, so I can imagine what you mean, I have seen many properties as you describe so I can empathise. From a professional point of view, I would say lets make some decisions as to the "RISKS", what are the risks. You need to get this clear in your head so that when you discuss it with her, you know what you are really worried about. You say she cannot go on living like this, but also what you are saying is that she has been like this for years. No one died from being surrounded by leaflets, but what else is there to it. Im not being argumentative, Im just suggesting a clearer way of looking at things.

Another thing that you may want to consider is how your mums living enviromnet makes you feel. Scared I guess, and a host of other emotions to do with how she is coping and her own emotional health. How does she look after herself aside from this.? Does she eat well? What does she do of a daytime? Im not putting words into your mouth here, but sometimes when we are worried about our loved ones behaviour we can inadvertently try to control what they are doing, and as I mentioned before about the loss issues, this isnt helpful, however its entirely understandable why this happens.

If she is living in Spain, is this the issue? Is she alone there? or is she spanish etc and you choose to live here etc. Obviously we can all make recommendations about supoport groups, help the aged and so forth ( ie social services here will organise a blitz clean for the falt if it is assessed that the state of the property is a risk to her health) but thats no use to her in Spain really.

I wish you luck, I do understand how stressful it can be