what can i do regarding ex hubby continually being late to see/collect kids?

pigpen

Her past isn't really your business.. but doesn't bode well for their future.. but that isn't your problem either.

He will just have to do what other parents do and keep contact for weekends when he can take them out for a bit!! even just an hour in the park they would no doubt love..

carolinejane_2

Fang wrote: »

Don't let him in? Fire off a solicitor's letter saying that unless he's on time then contact will be solely on your terms and restricted. That should force him to shape up.

and that would help the children how???

luckily the op has their best interests at heart and probably wouldn't consider this

op, you may have to just accept he's not going to change and try some of the other suggestions on here to lessen any distress they feel

Fang_3

carolinejane wrote: »

and that would help the children how???

luckily the op has their best interests at heart and probably wouldn't consider this

op, you may have to just accept he's not going to change and try some of the other suggestions on here to lessen any distress they feel

It would, hopefully, give them a responsible father that doesn't keep them waiting and upset.

I don't think the OP should just give up without at least exploring other avenues that could make him more responsible and make her life easier too. If that fails then she could try the other options, but to just give up and expect him not to change when he's already changed once is a bit pathetic tbh.

gratefulforhelp_2

zoenryansmummy wrote: »

think it's time i spoke to him about it-again!!!! may even go see a solicitor see what legal options have too x x x thanks to everyone who read/responded/listened to my rant!!!

Hugs, its not funny. Why is he not coming equipped with what the children need?

Wilma33 wrote: »

Don't tell the children he is coming at all.

I think some kind of version of this is an idea. I never tell DD1 the NRP is coming, just in case he doesn't and she's older than yours.

I agree with Fang (unusually!)

emsywoo123

zoenryansmummy wrote: »

im not allowed to speak to her, i asked to meet her when he wanted to involve her with the kids and he said its not happening/none of my business,

I would be REALLY unhappy about this if I were you, more than him being late!!!!

pulliptears

If it were me, I wouldn't tell the kids he was coming. If he is due at say 4pm and has not arrived by 4.15pm I'd put kids in the car and take them out somewhere myself, I'd then tell him that you are not willing to sit around and wait if he cant be on time as you have places to go as well.

gizmo111

I allow him to come here most evenings to see the kids, whether i want him to or not, cos i want the kids to see him, and sometimes he'll turn up for 20 mins and then leave cos he has to pick her up from work-well i used to manage to get 2 buses to get home from work with a toddler and bump, so dont see why she cant catch a bus on the nights hes sposed to see his kids! but thats just my opinion!

Why most evenings - this contact needs some structure to it and needs to be away from your home. Her transport arrangements shouldn't really concern you and he shouldn't really be discussing them with you. You need to seperate things emotionally.

Caroline73_2

It's a control thing on his part (or he could just be inconsiderate/disorganised). You are hanging around waiting for him at either end of the day.

i agree with Pulliptears. If your Ex says one time and isn't there within 15 minutes, take the children out somewhere, text him and say 'Sorry I had to go to X, obviously couldn't leave the children alone and as you were late I had to take them with me.'

laurel7172

Can I ask-is your ex a teensy weensy bit of an evil psychotic control freak?

I ask, because the preferring to visit the kids at my place (to make sure I don't have a man there), turning up late (to inconvenience me if I'm waiting to see a man) and so forth sound horribly familiar. He may even start turning up early (to catch the man he imagines you're hiding from him). Mine did on Saturday-and it's ten years since we split.

Grit your teeth and tell the kids whatever lies it takes to get them through this. Don't blame your ex in front of them. In ten years' time, your children will have worked out who the decent parent is. Mine have.

kiddy_guy

Zoenryansmummy - couple bits of advice.

Firstly if he's taking the kids and they are in her presence, mixing with her, then you are well within your rights to be asking what sort of person she is. She could be a convicted drug dealer for all you know, so rules are no meeting, no kids. If he goes to the CSA to say you aren't giving him access, so much the better. Then when the court state he is to be given access at 7pm, or whatever, he knows darn well what time he's supposed to turn up.

If he doesn't turn up on time, then don't give him the kids. Yes - I'm sure some people will say that penalises the children, but he'll learn fast. As it stands the kids are being let down repeatedly, and you are expected to cover for this idiot. Don't let him continue doing this.

The children will learn in later life who they can believe in and who they can't. He'll be a sad lonely man in later life once the toygirl has gone, so think of whats best for the kids now. And what is best is that they have reliable parent who does the right thing; if the other one cannot accomodate then he doesn't deserve to be a parent.

And as a final, but vital point, you are losing out. What about your life? You need to get out there and move on - you're not even 30 yet and need to be enjoying yourself. Don't let yourself be a doormat to fit around his life. If he takes the kids and takes them for the day, if he wants to bring them back early - tough. A day to yourself is a day to yourself. It might teach him responsibility for his children.

There's always the divorce thing - just don't allow him a divorce when he wants it if he's being an idiot. I'm sure his new partner will want to meet you if you're holding up their dream wedding..!