what can i do regarding ex hubby continually being late to see/collect kids?

Wilma33

zoenryansmummy wrote: »

lol @ jackie "sounds like im well rid", am just beginning to realise that myself, has taken 11 months but im getting there! just the thought of him moving on as in having more kids/getting remarried (seen a comment on her f/b about that-but errr he's still married to me and has yet to mention divorce!!!), especially as i dont seem to be moving on relationship wise, theres been no-one since him, i dont even know how to go about that anymore lol!!! feel past it at 29!!!!

Don't read his facebook. Delete him as a friend.

PasturesNew

Can you keep the carseats at yours?

I'd also add another half an hour onto the expected time for the kids, so he could be 20 minutes late but they'd think he was early. Or not tell them at all, when not essential, making it a surprise when he turns up.

zoenryansmummy

already done hunni!!!!! got myself seperate one in maiden name and closed down married name account-hes been asking why im no longer on his friends list!!!

jackieglasgow

You're not past it, but you need to get over him first, and then you can get on with your life. But that's another conversation for another thread for another day......

I do know what you mean about him having a second family. My marriage is solid, but if I think about my husband and I ever spitting up, the thing that would bother me the most is if he were to have children with someone else. I don't know why, but it does, so I can see exactly where you are coming from. I would also if I were you out a big sign up on the back of the front door saying "WELL RID" in big letters, to remind you every time you shut the door on him, that its a good thing.

Wilma33

zoenryansmummy wrote: »

wilma, my dd is at that oh so annoying have to countdown days stage, "how many sleeps til daddy's/nanas/school and so on lol, and i have to show her with my fingers and she counts down! plus he tells her he's coming, and does come but is just late all the time!

Add an hour to the real expected time if she insists on a countdown then he might even be early! Or just say you don't know what time he will arrive (cos you don't!).

zoenryansmummy

thnk i'll have to try all that, or just be evasive and keep saying soon/not long/wont be long etc, she's suddenly seems very obsessive over time and when he's coming. will definately be having words with him bout it too, a talk and explain her behaviour and try and make him see what its doing! fingers crossed!

pigpen

Has mediation not been suggested to try and sort this kind of stuff out? It is pretty mind numbing tbh but is helpful when there is a breakdown in communication.

My children are constantly being brought home well after 9pm.. which is fine for the bigger ones but the little ones are dead at school for the next 3 days.. and teachers have mentioned it to me!! We now have an arrangement where I pick up the 3 little ones from him at 6:30 amd he keeps the older ones until about 8:30/9pm.

Why is he coming into your home? he obviously has elsewhere to live.. let him take them there so he is not in your face and the children get used to going with him and YOU get a break..

I love it every time he proves to me what a total twerp he really is.. it makes me realise how much better off I am without him.. we are both in new relationships and I have a baby due any day with my new partner.. so it is possible to move on.. and very soon a lot of this stress you are under will be lifted.. the house must be a massive drain on your emotions. Face one bridge at a time and deal with that.. you cannot do everything.. but I would heartily recommend mediation if you are struggling to communicate anything to him.

zoenryansmummy

he wont take the kids out in evening, as to go to his would mean half hour drive each way and he says it wouldnt be worth it, so i put up with him coming here, i generally go off and do some jobs-cleaning the toilet is quite appealing compared to sitting downstairs listening to him going on about his job/boss troubles etc!

he's bought the kids back to me at 7pm one weekend (bedtime is 7pm-i have a routine and it works so i stick with it!) and as he dropped them through door he tells me that he hasnt given them any tea as his mate needed a lift! so his mate came before our kids being fed. his gf is keen to play happy families with our kids so why didnt she sort them some tea???? he didnt have an answer to that! this isnt a one time occurance not giving them tea, been 3-4 occasions now! i have had words and he says it wont happen again-until the next time!!!

I am so much better off without him, but hurting my babies hurts me, i'd do anything to protect them from him disappointing them!!! I still cant believe he's done this, it was a complete shock to everyone, no inkling that he'd do a complete u-turn on everything we had, what he said he wanted, we both wanted!

newcook

this may sound a little odd but if the new gf is helping look after them while they are with ex, perhaps get on speaking terms with her and get her to do the nagging side of making sure he picks the kids up on time and feeds them etc.

zoenryansmummy

im not allowed to speak to her, i asked to meet her when he wanted to involve her with the kids and he said its not happening/none of my business, and she wont meet me anyway, if she's with him when he comes to get kids at weekend she wont come nr house, will wait at her mums til he's got them. plus tbh im sure she's as bad as he is and is part of the reason he's late etc. shes younger than him and not got best track record from what i know of her through friends who know her-she used to be engaged to exes mate couple years ago and the ex had to help said mate to get his car and stuff back from her when that went pearshaped and she left him for someone else! but i have to bite my tongue about stuff like that as its none of my business apparently!