what can i do regarding ex hubby continually being late to see/collect kids?

zoenryansmummy

have been seperated almost a year now, ex left me and 2 kids, and moved onto new relationship very quickly. ever since then he's been continually late to see or collect his kids, which leaves me waiting around, but more importantly my kids waiting around!

my dd is now 4 and today (again) daddy was late, though he let me know was running late, which is an improvement! but my dd has been asking since she got up when is daddy coming??? I had to ask him, he never lets me know, im always left chasing him up! well he gets here and goes to get kids in the car-only to realise that he's forgot to put their carseats back in!!! so he had to go to his parents 20 mins drive away to borrow theirs, well dd was upset that daddy turned up and was going again, and ds (23 months) cried cos he wanted to go in the car! while we were sat waiting dd said "daddys always late mummy" which nearly broke my heart!!!

it kills me that he tossed me aside and moved on so quickly, we'd been together 9 years and married 4, but the fact that he doesnt seem to think about how it's affecting the kids is the worst!!! all he seems to care about is his new life with is new girlfriend and like shes the most important thing! I allow him to come here most evenings to see the kids, whether i want him to or not, cos i want the kids to see him, and sometimes he'll turn up for 20 mins and then leave cos he has to pick her up from work-well i used to manage to get 2 buses to get home from work with a toddler and bump, so dont see why she cant catch a bus on the nights hes sposed to see his kids! but thats just my opinion!

anyways, get to the point, is there anything i can do to make him aware that this isnt on. he knows im not happy bout the continued lateness, have talked to him numerous times bout it but nothing changes!

am having a bad week this week too, gotta go court tomorrow to get a stay on the repossession of the house we bought cos i moved out with the kids when he left us (back to my family) and he moved back in and new gf shortly after and he hasnt paid mortgage since so theres arrears, but a sale is going through, so the mortgage solicitor i spoke to this morning said they'd be asking for the a stay on the repossession for 56 days, which gives us breathing room to get the sale completed! but then on friday it would have been our 5th wedding anniversary and im dreading it!! could cry at the thought! i do still care about him, love him, even though he treats me and the kids like we dont matter!

sorry just needed to rant but hope someone may have some advice for me!!!

Fang_3

Don't let him in? Fire off a solicitor's letter saying that unless he's on time then contact will be solely on your terms and restricted. That should force him to shape up.

Counting_Pennies_2

I am so sorry to hear of all that is going on. To be honest I would show him what you have written. There is nothing nasty in it, just your exhaustion and frustration.

Face to face he might not take it on board, but he might written down.

hth

robpw2

yes , you just need to be firm with him , and explain its the children he is hurting by his lateness

zoenryansmummy

thanks, i know i need to be firmer with him and tell him that hes hurting his kids by being continually late!!! fri was the best example, he wanted to take the kids to a wedding, so i got them up, bathed, did my daughters hair into curls for her, made sure my son had a decent sleep, made sure they both ate and were dressed ready to go for 1.30 as that was the time he said hed be picking them up. I packed my sons changing bag with everything, including juice and snacks for in the church to keep him quiet lol. The ONLY thing he had to do was collect them, and he was almost 20 mins later than agreed-cos he forgot the carseats again!!! usually its he was stuck behind a tractor/had flat tyre excuse wise. and then he bought them home couple hrs later cos my son was tired-after 3 hr sleep in morn i dont think so, more like he'd done with being parent and wanted to get drunk!

think it's time i spoke to him about it-again!!!! may even go see a solicitor see what legal options have too x x x thanks to everyone who read/responded/listened to my rant!!!

RAS

hi

Why not video your children in distress when he arrives late/has to go to pick up the car seats and send them to him?

That might strike home.

jackieglasgow

Hi, I can't really suggest anymore than anyone else about it, but is it possible you can get the kids almost ready to go, but not quite, and tell them he's coming an hour after you've agreed, so that if he is late, he will still seem on time to them? IYSWIM, you don't actually let on to the kids that he's late, which will reduce DD's feelings at least, of not being important enough to daddy for him to make it on time? Also, it would then mean he has to wait for you to finish getting them ready, which might actually spur him on to getting his finger out and be on time in future. Also, could he not leave the carseats at your house, then there's no excuse for that happening again? Good luck, he sounds like you are well rid!

robpw2

i agree with jackie ,

Wilma33

Don't tell the children he is coming at all. Then if he is late or doesn't turn up they won't know. If/when he arrives it will be a nice surprise for them. Can they even tell the time or do they know he is late cos you have them ready and waiting?

If they ask when they will see their dad just say "soon" or "next week" etc.

zoenryansmummy

lol @ jackie "sounds like im well rid", am just beginning to realise that myself, has taken 11 months but im getting there! just the thought of him moving on as in having more kids/getting remarried (seen a comment on her f/b about that-but errr he's still married to me and has yet to mention divorce!!!), especially as i dont seem to be moving on relationship wise, theres been no-one since him, i dont even know how to go about that anymore lol!!! feel past it at 29!!!!

zoenryansmummy

wilma, my dd is at that oh so annoying have to countdown days stage, "how many sleeps til daddy's/nanas/school and so on lol, and i have to show her with my fingers and she counts down! plus he tells her he's coming, and does come but is just late all the time!