Is your partner on board with debt busting??

LilacPixie

Bit of a question for you all. I am having a period where I am analyzing my whole life/lifestyle and I am concerned about what I perceive to be my husbands attitude to debt.

I have posted before about debt v's income but now, over 2 years since I joined here we seem to be no further forward. I think its because my husband has a 'need now' attitude rather than a can't afford it lets save attitude.

The main thing that has kicked off my current thoughts are we need another car. I am pregnant again and neither of our current cars will hold 2 adults plus 3 car seats and our children are still young enough to need car seats. I want to sell my car, we buy any car says they will offer £1800, save for a bit and get a 8 year old ford galaxy, vauxhall zafira or similar basically something about 3k. OH on the other hand want to go to a garage and get finance on something alot newer, maybe even new. Quite literally 20k on a car. :( When i say but we don't have 20k for a bit of metal the response is its only £xxx a month.

It is driving me daft.

We have debt already far more than I feel comfortable with, the majority actually is his. He owes 1k on a store card, 1k on a credit card, 14k on a loan. At start of year this was actually about 4k higher but I have been making extra payments to the debts. I have £500 on an interest free credit card and about £1100 left from a home improvement loan.

Mortgage is mine and mine alone, I bout this place before I met him, we are supposed to be moving as home is for sale but OH is not that great at saving in actual fact I am sure he is allergic to it, he seems to fnd something totally not needed to spend surplus income on take aways, computer games, trainers, t-shirts. You name it he buys it.

I sort of understand why, he has a very poor/deprived childhood when their was literally no money for anything other than basic essentials like food. He now earns an average wage so seems to have the mindset that he can have whatever he wants. It is driving me mad, any conversation around the subject ends in an argument. All I want is to be debt free, buy a bigger house and concentrate on being mortgage free and having the spending power to take my kids to places like Disney for a fortnight.

Is anyone else struggling with similar or am I just being a bit controlling?

sara86pink

Hi Lilac

The only advise I can really offer is that you need to sit down and basically tell him exactly what you have just posted.

I wish I could offer more but unfortunately I dont have much experience with this but didnt want to read and run. Luckily, my OH has the same attitude as me so we help each other (even though I owe more than he does)

Hopefully someone will pop along soon to give maybe better advise

xx

tesuhoha

Whatever you do dont let him take out that car loan! It may be only x amount to pay each month but every time you take out more debt x amount becomes more unsustainable until you reach the point where you are in serious trouble. You need to rein him in and if that is controlling then so be it. Better that than you losing everything.

If he doesnt see it then i think you just have to be very firm with him and say no, we're not doing it; we are supposed to be paying off the debts. Remind him of his childhood and tell him thats how your kids will end up if he carries on with his mindless spending. You are doing well with your debt busting so don't let him spoil it.

DarkConvict

I agree. You do need to sit down and talk to him.

Be straight. Say you are not happy with the amount of debt that we are in. And that he needs to get on board to cut the level of debt.

Show income and current expenditure on a budget sheet.
Use snowballing to show how long it will take to pay off without incurring more debt - http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

E.g. £15000 at 13.9%, repaying £400 a month - It will take you 49 months to pay off these debts if you snowball correctly. During that time, you'll pay £4,497.00 in interest.

Then redo the budget to how you want it without all his extra spending.

E.g. £15000 at 13.9%, repaying £550 a month - It will take you 33 months to pay off these debts if you snowball correctly. During that time, you'll pay £2,886.00 in interest.

KingElvis

Wow, twenty grand on a car? wow again.

Get him back down to earth, show him this thread and your own words.

Watalie

Hi Lilac -

I kind of know what you mean... my OH seems to stick his head in the sand with regard to money. He was wiped out in his Divorce but although he earns quite a lot, he seems to spend it quick as he gets it

We recently got engaged and moved in together. I have debt which I am trying to clear as well as trying to get some savings behind us) My debt is manageable and I'm clearing it - I have a rubbish Credit Rating (from my own divorce) but it will be tonnes better at the end of next year when a satisfied CCJ & a satisfied default fall off my credit report and between now and then I want us to save for a house deposit but at the end of each month even though he has loads more disposable cash than me, I end up bailing him out

We had a huge blow up about money last weekend and we resolved to sort it out this weekend (we weren't able to do it last weekend due to family committments and he works away through the week) I want to see his credit file and sort out his money etc... yes, I'm a control freak but if we want to settle down and have a family we need to be sure we are singing off the same hymn-sheet.

Fingers crossed this weekend we will have an open honest & frank discussion about Money and get ourselves sorted.

So Lilac - whilst I can't really offer any advice, I can sympathise with you!

Wee_Jo

Hi Lilac,

Thanks for this thread - it's really interesting. I have to say that my hubby is "mostly" on board with my MSE ways. it's a weird one though, as I used to be a bit like your OH. I didn't have massive debts but I was living unsustainably (i.e. way beyond my means) and was dishonest and very stick my head in the sand about money (and lots of other things too)

A few months back I had my Lightbulb Moment and I am pleased that I have turned a real corner. My hubby has always been very good with his money, both managing it and saving it, so thankfully I didn't have that to overcome as well. Now though, he jokes that I have overtaken him and that I am better at managing our money and finances. I do find that I am more proactive now and tackle things before they happen - no more unopened letters, etc. It just makes me feel much better to know that I am on top of things! It is now my hubby who is (occasionally!) saying, oh come on, honey - live a little! (Mind you, we're probably only talking about the difference between buying Basics loo roll instead of a branded one!! :rotfl:)

As for your situation, I think Sara and KingElvis's comments were good ones - maybe is there a way that you could get him to read what you have written. Or does he already know how you feel? Perhaps some sort of shock therapy...though I can't think what at the moment! One thing is clear - £20k on a car is crazy! You are right to put your foot down on this - I completely agree with that and I do not think you are being controlling at all. With another baby on the way and two kiddies already you do not need to be forking out this "only £xxx" per month....you're going to need that money for your lovely new kiddiewinkle...or does he think that nappies come on finance schemes too????? :eek:

Keep us posted Lilac, and keep your wee chin up.

Jo

isy1011

I sympathise. My hubby isnt a big spender but he really opts out thinking about it at all. I carry all the stress of it. This causes resentment. He doesnt have a clue whats in the account. So if I said let's go on a luxury holiday (which I dont) he would say 'great where are we going?' He just asked how much petrol to put in the car. I dont know if he has become like this over 13 years together because I sort it or because that's his personality.

podperson

Hi Lilac,

Don't have a great deal of advice but can definately sympathise. My OH drives me crazy with money, he knows we're in debt, he knows I worry about it constantly, he says he worries about it as well and then he goes out and blows all his money on crap and expects me to bail him out. Classic example, he got a student loan in April, spent all of it in about 4 weeks and now I'm expected to give him money I don't have spare all summer till he gets his next one in September - and the other day he said something like, 'oh we could go away when my next loan comes' I nearly hit him! :mad:

LilacPixie

Dark convict - We have a snowball sorted, well several actually. one is mortgage, one is debt and the other is both. If we continue at rate I am going we should be clear of both within 47 months. Unsecured debt only 32 months. This would obviously be blown out the water with a 20k car loan. Actually looking at the snowball I forgot he has 2.5k on an overdraft.

I worry alot about money. We have a decent income, over 3k a month after tax/pensions etc. We do shift alot of debt mostly because I shift it, I pay it, I use both our incomes but its me who deals with the actual payments KWIM. I set up DD for minimum payments then top them up.

We still have a fair amout of excess income even after top up payments. I am trying to save and cut things down so maternity leave and loss of income doesn't shock us so much but he just isn't on board. He says the right things and on the odd occasion we actually have a civil conversation about it he agrees about the problems/issues but then next day he comes home with a take away and a bluray because he fancied it while ignoring he has a C Card with 18% apr that has 1k on it or a new pair of trainers when he has 4 pairs already and only wears them at weekends. GRRRRRRRRRR

LilacPixie

I should say I am far from perfect, hell if I was I would not have a home improvement loan but I have made the choice to only pay the contract payment on that as per our snowball calc so we can make decent headway into his debt which he collected pre me and just kept consolodating again and again and again. His overdraft is from student days, he left University in 2004 so he has had 6 years to do something about it but he doesn't, he pays £300 a month into the account then withdraws it again over the month. It really is driving me mad.