My son has been caught drink driving again!!

carrie483

I kind of know how you feel.

My ex husband got caught drink driving, this was the day i found out he had been skipping work, doing cocaine, drinking in excess of 12 cans a day. I didn't want to tell anyone through sheer embarassment.

Needless to say we are not together anymore and i am with an adorable man who i love more than anything.

Good Luck.

Carrie.

ailuro2

Aw, sorry to hear that!

I'd say go to court, as you will have more information from being in court than having it relayed to you second hand.If you get to talk to him,let him know you hate what he has done,but still love him and will help support him if he wants it.

It sounds like you gave him a good upbringing and he would have gone his own way anyway,it's a shame his biological father is such a bad example.:mad: Although it does bear mentioning he's a grown man now and old enough to know better.

Sadly the stats for the life expectancy of young drivers is awful as it is, hence the high insurance premiums,without them taking further risks by drink driving too. Perhaps a short sharp shock would do him good- one of those shocker courses might be enough to shock him into thinking about his actions- he sounds like he has brains enough to understand it.

Good luck, I hope he gets whatever treatment would benefit him most.

GaryS

YOU are not responsible for his actions, neither is the fact that you and his father divorced years ago. So do not blame yourself.

My parents divorced when I was young, but that did not mean that my Sister, Brother and I had a reason to go drink driving.

He must take responsibilty for his own actions, however serious they are.
Going to prison will not help, but I am not sure what other options could be taken.
He has to be stopped from drink driving somehow, before he kills someone !

jen111

The same thing happened to us. Our son in law was caught drink driving and lost his job and house, we would have thought he would have learnt his lesson but 6 months after getting his licence back he was caught again.

We stood by him and my daughter both times, although the second time it was very hard to do. He was given a longer disqualification and community service.

We are praying that he keeps off the drink when he gets his licence back. I can understand the shame - we went through that as well - but accepted over time that we are not responsible for our childrens or other family members actions. pm me if you want to talk things over.

**purpleprincess**

(((hugs))) hun, sorry to hear this. How would you feel if you went to the court? Maybe it would be better not to go to court? I feel this way about my brother. The thing is, your son isn't going to wise up unless he gets given a stiff punishment to drum it into him that drink driving is wrong. Perhaps a prison sentence wouldn't be such a bad thing, as *telling* someone *not* to do something or they *shouldn't* do something often goes in one ear and out the other whereas an action is more likely to have an impact. I feel quite strongly about drink driving as my mum was over the limit when she crashed her car which resulted in her being in a coma then dying a week later. Hope things work out for you hun xx

NAR

Autumn leaf you have not let him down, he has let you down as well as himself. You tried your best to give him a good start in life - unfortunately he has chosen to throw it back in your face. Not a bit of wonder you feel bad about the situation, but it is J's fault, not yours.
I can see him getting a large fine, a 10 year ban, and depending on the magistrate probably a suspended jail sentence. Hopefully this will give him a lightbulb moment about his irresponsible drinking and driving.

lynzpower

Whats his dads take on the situation? Just out of interest?

mrcow

hobo28 wrote:

I would say that as a parent you should make every effort to go to court to show support. Going is not the same as saying that you think he is innocent. You need to show that despite his mistakes that you still love him and will stand by him.

I absolutely agree. If you don't go (for whatever reason), you'll never be able to take it back.

To be honest, he's got off lightly no matter what his punishment is as I dread to think what the consequences could have been.

I hope that this is the wake up call that he needs. His Dad is obviously a terrible influence on him, and whilst I understand about your current inability to forgive him, it does sound like he needs help.

ruthyjo

You poor thing. This is such an awful time for you. You sound like a really caring mother who your son is lucky to have. I would get in touch with your son before next week and tell him that whilst you're appalled by his actions you want to help him. Your ex sounds as if he may not be much use under the circumstances and your son must feel so frightened at the moment. He's been brought up by a decent and law abiding mum and step dad - he's probably terrified of going to prison. You need to ensure he's got a good solicitor, get informed on the likely consequences of your son's actions, get practical info on what will happen if he is jailed. (I wouldn't know how to visit someone in jail, what they should take to court in case they do get a custodial sentence etc and I bet you don't either.)

I don't condone your son's actions or seek to minimise the seriousness of drink driving but he is your son who you love. Fortunately he's had a wake up call before he's injured anyone. If you are there for him now could be a turning point in his life.

Bluelad_2

Autumn Leaf,

You have absolutely no reason to feel any blame or be judged, and I sympathise with how you feel.

However, I have no sympathy with J. I can't help but feel that some replies appear to have a soft approach calling it 'Irresponsible'

He WILL kill somebody if he continues and that needs to be drilled into him. Unfortunately the courts handing out 10 yr bans don't seem to have any affect. If you're stupid enough to drink drive, going for a blast when you haven't got a licence is not going to be a big deal.

I do hope whatever punishment he receives frightens the hell out of him so he realises that his and other poples lives are worth more than a few pints.

Fingers crossed he listens