Split with long term partner, was i right to do so?

casseus

Bufger wrote: »

Shes claiming incapacity benefit but can still hold a good social nightlife?

Just clarify the situation on her benefit/health before i make assumptions

because i was the earner in family before i was retired i claimed the tax credits and child ben and incopcity. i have given her entitle ment to her incopacity and all the tax credits and will give her the child ben. i am trying to get throught to tax credits as we speak but keep getting sorry all our staff are busy on calls right now call back later and the phone cuts off.
her health is fine no illnesses, she was my carerer,and full time mum.

Bufger

ahhhh ok i didnt realise she was your carer.

Kazz81

Sounds like you are better out of the situation.

You need to concentrate your efforts now on rebuilding your health and making sure your girls are looked after. Although its hard, try not to dwell on the relationship breakdown-the quicker you can move on from it the better for all of you. Although we have only seen your side, it appears your ex is very immature. As someone else said, make sure you are paying what you should be for your girls. But if you are giving anything extra, dont give it in cash-if you get a call saying child x needs something, go and buy the item needed rather than hand over the money.

Also, make sure you get your access/custody arrangements sorted out sooner rather than later.

RAS

Hi

So you are now living at your parents and your wife has taken the children away? What I have written below assumes this.

You should have a mental health worker? Get hold of them and talk through the immediate issues.

If you marriage has broken down, then you need to do several things urgently.

1. Stop claiming benefits for your wife and girls - she needs to make a claim in her right. This is to stop her accusing you of benefit fraud. Tell her you are doing this and she neds to sort her claim out.
2. Tell the benefits people you are living with your folks and make a claim as a single person living there.
3. if you have a joint bank account , make sure that your wife cannot acces it, all further debits need both signatures. if it is your own account, ask them for a new card and PIN.
4. You will be entitled to legal aid, so get hold of a solicitor and make a proposal for you and the girls to meet, preferably at your parent's house.

Once your benefits are sorted you are expected to make a small contribution to the housekeeping, £5 for maintenance.

If you have serious debts becuase of her spending, talk to a debt advice charity like CCCS, NDL, CAb or CAP.

gonzo127

Kazz81 wrote: »

Sounds like you are better out of the situation.

You need to concentrate your efforts now on rebuilding your health and making sure your girls are looked after. Although its hard, try not to dwell on the relationship breakdown-the quicker you can move on from it the better for all of you. Although we have only seen your side, it appears your ex is very immature. As someone else said, make sure you are paying what you should be for your girls. But if you are giving anything extra, dont give it in cash-if you get a call saying child x needs something, go and buy the item needed rather than hand over the money.

Also, make sure you get your access/custody arrangements sorted out sooner rather than later.

just to add to this as well, if she is clever she will say she needs the money to take the girls out for the day,

just remember 1-2 big trips out a month is usualy more than most families can afford when money is tight - personally i can usually only afford to take my kids out on a big day out (more than £30) once every couple of months, all other trips are free (picnic/beach/park/nature walk) or cost very little £5-10 max

you also have to think selfishly with this, if you give all your money to her to take the girls out nice places then you will not be able to take them out yourself as much when you see them, and on a purely selfish idea you really want/need to be making the time you get with them memorable and as enjoyable as possible

casseus

Bufger wrote: »

ahhhh ok i didnt realise she was your carer.

she was my partner carerer in one.

casseus

RAS wrote: »

Hi

So you are now living at your parents and your wife has taken the children away? What I have written below assumes this.

You should have a mental health worker? Get hold of them and talk through the immediate issues.

If you marriage has broken down, then you need to do several things urgently.

1. Stop claiming benefits for your wife and girls - she needs to make a claim in her right. This is to stop her accusing you of benefit fraud. Tell her you are doing this and she neds to sort her claim out.
2. Tell the benefits people you are living with your folks and make a claim as a single person living there.
3. if you have a joint bank account , make sure that your wife cannot acces it, all further debits need both signatures. if it is your own account, ask them for a new card and PIN.
4. You will be entitled to legal aid, so get hold of a solicitor and make a proposal for you and the girls to meet, preferably at your parent's house.

Once your benefits are sorted you are expected to make a small contribution to the housekeeping, £5 for maintenance.

If you have serious debts becuase of her spending, talk to a debt advice charity like CCCS, NDL, CAb or CAP.

she has already informed the JCP she needs to make a claim.

i have informed the JCP that i am single and they are amending the claim. i am awaiting the change of address form from them.

i wont give her any cash i will be buying what she claims she needs.

access isnt a problem to the kids, thank god, im having them wednesday. and will see them regular during the week.

i still cant hold of tax credits or child ben they have a crappy telephone system in place, you dont even have a cue to wait and speek to a call operator just get told by automated voice their busy and cut you off.

RAS

casseus wrote: »

she has already informed the JCP she needs to make a claim. - Good

i have informed the JCP that i am single and they are amending the claim. i am awaiting the change of address form from them. - Good

i wont give her any cash i will be buying what she claims she needs.
Hi - You don't get benefits to buy her and the klkids stuff, you get it to pay your own expenses first. Anything left over, do what you like, which might be taking the kid's out for a day or buying them something.


access isnt a problem to the kids, thank god, im having them wednesday. and will see them regular during the week.
Good

i still cant hold of tax credits or child ben they have a crappy telephone system in place, you dont even have a cue to wait and speek to a call operator just get told by automated voice their busy and cut you off.

Try the benefits forum here and someone may know other contact details http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=139

deedee71

casseus wrote: »

i still cant hold of tax credits or child ben they have a crappy telephone system in place, you dont even have a cue to wait and speek to a call operator just get told by automated voice their busy and cut you off.

It's not usually as bad as this, I think it is because of the tax renewal date cut off looming in a few days. Keep trying, it took me 3 days to finally get through last week.

casseus

ok i got through to tax credits thats sorted housing benefit is sorted just leaves the utilities that are in both our names and child ben who i still cannot get through to.

i was main claimant, so she has to make her own claim to all three benefits.

we were not married.

she doesnt have access to my accounts they are all in my name.