Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly

pania

I still remember the day when, as a slightly portly 25 year old, I put on my trainers and convinced myself that the alien concept of "exercise" was a way to acheive the figure i "thought" I should have.

I still remember the day, almost a year ago now when i had the news that my lovely friend had left us. I convinced myself of how i "should" get over the feelings I had.

I still remember the day in 2005 when I finally faced up to my financial difficulties and the debt I had and I convinced myself of how it was "expected" that I would deal with it.

7 years further on from the first and third memories and i realise now that what I "thought" I wanted wasnt necessarily the best thing for me. What was "expected" of me wasnt the best thing for my circumstances. infact the net result made me unhappy, stressed, prone to making bad choices (and my word there were some corkers in there!!) and basically a person far removed from whom i actually am. What I was better off concentrating on was finding the courage and determination to step out on the path to whatever goal i had and to stick on that path without wavering until the goal had been reached.

A year further on from the second memory and that single event has taught me each and every single one of the above lessons. Set goals, aim to acheive them as quickly as you can and in a manner that is as fun as you can possibly make it. For we never know when the low baller is going to come. forget what is "expected" of you by the rigmaroles of life, forget what you think you "should" do/have/look like/deal with/delete as appropriate, forget toeing the line. I've learnt now to be myself, to have the courage to tackle challenges head on, forget procrastination and make the most of life and I am now about 1000 times happier for it. My friend went through life with the most fun and sunny outlook possible and grabbed opportunities with both hands with the enthusisasm of a mischevious puppy. I am trying my hardest now to live life that way.

So, after a very frank and honest start!! (I'm not usually that serious!!:p) for those who dont know me that well, I am pania. a 32 year old, single, excessively ambitious and, as many on here have labelled me, as nutty as the proverbial box of frogs and proud of it! My debt at its highest was IRO 42k, I've no idea of the exact figure... the CCCS guy said it very quickly and I stuck my lala fingers in and pretended he'd said 4k!! I'd love to be able to claim that my debt was accrued through living life to the full, holidays, jimmy choos, finery and frippery...but nope. the truth is for the last 6 years I have missed out on a massive amount of lifes experiences as a result of being exceptionally gullible and naive in my younger years, yet another example of "doing what was expected" and not what was right for number one.

although I have been a DFW since 2005 my journey has been rocky, off and on and i have allowed myslf to get distracted from my goals.
But now I have a massive goal, well 3 infact, and i need money to do it!!! next year I wish to acheive a massive fundraising effort in memory of my best friend. I am running now because I WANT TO not because i feel i should and I am wanting to put that to good use to acheive this fund raising effort. I need money for the entry fees so that our sponsor money can go directly to the charity he would have wanted it to go to.
Further, I want to start to live MY LIFE again. to travel. to see the countries I want to, cambodia, nepal, morrocco, peru to name but a few and to return to my much loved second home, new zealand as often as i can.
The third goal, I have a lovely friend I spend alot of time with who is massively financially stable (and substantially older...:o) we have been friends for ages and this friend is extremely supportive to me. I wont lie that the financial aspect has caused massive problems between us. He is fully aware of my situation and I am glad to say now has me on such a tight leash financially it is crazy. but is for my own good and having someone breathing down my neck is pulling me out of the hole faster than I have acheived previously. :cool:I would love to be in a position where we can go out for a meal, and the times it is my treat to be able to firstly go somewhere relatively nice and secondly offer to pay without having an incredibly sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. also to not be questioned over the new top i have on or to explain the blackberry i want to get for an extra £15 per month would be a massive relief!

Things, I am pleased to say, are now starting to turn around. I am starting to settle debts and get the relief of "another one bites the dust!" I do have a small surplus each month which i now need to get on top of so that surplus grows to a float in my account.

so that is enough war and peace on pania!!!! I hope i have cured some peoples insomniac issues there!:rotfl::D but it feels good to be back on the straight and narrow and to have somewhere to vent it all!! thanks for reading, I'll post now with an soa and plan on how i'm going to finally pull myself out of the pit!!

pania

i can tbelieve that you have to sscribe to your own diary!! :rotfl: :rotfl:

ZTD

Happy new diary! Hope things come right for you at last.

boredofbeingathome

Ditto what Z said Pania. I hope everything goes well and you achieve all your goals for the year. I am counting on you to do it, so i can be motivated in turn- you will have to now :P

Bob x

pania

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 1
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1528.08
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 50
Total monthly income.................... 1578.08
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 260
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 0
Electricity............................. 0
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 0
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 70
TV Licence.............................. 0
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 0
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 80
Clothing................................ 20
Petrol/diesel........................... 180
Road tax................................ 20
Car Insurance........................... 15.44
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 20
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 7
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20
Haircuts................................ 12
Entertainment........................... 60
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
(Unnamed monthly expense)............... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 764.44

Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 2300
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 2300

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
nationwide loan ...............12665.....80........0
halifax credit card ...........1349.71...35........0
halifax loan...................580.......20........0
MCF loans......................500.......46.23.....25
vanquis cc.....................245.......30........NaN
capital one cc.................114.......50........0
Total unsecured debts..........15453.71..261.23....-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,578.08
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 764.44
Available for debt repayments........... 813.64
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 261.23
Amount left after debt repayments....... 552.41
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 2,300
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -15,453.71
Net Assets.............................. -13,153.71
Created using the SOA calculator at www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using IE browser.

Ok so there it is in black and white. I am, for the foreseeable future also paying mum back £150 per month for all the help she has given me over the years. she insists she doesnt need it yet but shes getting it for the next 3 months. so that leaves £402 surplus.

My circumstances are as follows. I currently lodge in a house with 3 guys. I hate it but it suits my circumstances for now. Therefore I dont pay any utilities internet etc hence all of that is blank.

outside of my main employment I also dog sit which generally brings me in between £50 and £150 per month. This has been going straight from my debt.

my biggest expenditures are on food and debt!! get rid of the debt and I loose my biggest outgoing!!

Further, I currently work for one of David Camerons much loved emergency services.. I am currently facing a cut in shift allowance to the sum of approximately £170 from my salary net, after a 90 day consultation period. this could increase to £290 depending on the shift pattern they choose which would mean my surplus would dip dramatically so i couldnt clear my debts any quicker.

I am owed £7k by a previous employer under a tribunal judgement. the next step in retrieving that money is to pay £250 to a solicitor to instruct a high court bailiff to recover the money from my boss, who, luckily for me was acting as a sole trader and therefore is completely liable for the debt. Do i go ahead and spend this money, the possibility of a massive return on it if sucessful but the potential loss of some much needed funds if not?

I am planning on using Hypnos envelope method to stay on top of my spends, allowing myself £15 per week expecting not to need as much as this and able to put the surplus into my sealed pot at the end of the week if it hasnt gone. I will then leave my card at home to avoid what I have been doing which is "oh its only a tenner" then i find money has gone god knows where!!

I also have started a spending diary and this time really feel that I am motivated to stick with it!

thanks for reading, I'm off to sort my envelopes!!!

pania

thanks Z. hope you are ok

BOB!!! thanks hon cant let you down now can i!!

hypno06

blimey, you don't half waffle on a bit :rotfl:

pania

cheeky cow! :P tis from the 'eart!!!

hypno06

pania wrote: »

cheeky cow! :P tis from the 'eart!!!

I know :kisses3:

pania

I've got the envelopes out!! be afraid, be very afraid...

REDMADCURLS

Wow - another incredible woman!

Isn't it funny how we 'still remember the day' of significant/life changing events in our life. My most 'significant' didn't even feel that much of an important day until a while later and it truly changed the entire course of my life.............very profound!

I could never be so organised as to 'envelope' but I wish you every success.

For what its' worth........I would engage the solicitor. The way I see it, its £250 you need to spend but thats only my opinion, file in useless info if required.

And yes, how weird that you have to subscribe to your own diary!