worried about feelings

Savvy_Sue

The difference, I think, is in what you DO with your thoughts.

I can drool over Sean Bean's rear end as he leaps over a wall in Sharp, but I don't think about it all the time. DH can enjoy watching an attractive actress in a film, but he won't think about her all the time.

And while it's very difficult to not think about a particular thing - eg try not thinking about pink elephants for the next 10 minutes - it's quite easy to consciously turn your thoughts to something else, even if you have to do it over and over again.

Again, when I became engaged all those years ago, there didn't seem to be many alternatives. Within a few months I seemed to have met several 'possible' alternatives: better looking than DH (honestly not hard, we didn't marry each other for our looks); intelligent and good conversationalists; sharing the same faith as me and so on. And they all definitely had more money than DH, which also wasn't hard!

But I was engaged, so I didn't indulge in 'what ifs'. Of course I could do it now - with the batch I met after I was engaged, AND the ones who went before! What if the lad I thought I loved when I went to University had actually bothered to write to me; what if the one I thought I loved in my first year hadn't broken it off; what if the one who was so devastated when I broke it off hadn't been so needy and so on and so on and so on. And what if I hadn't told the former colleague who made a pass at me after I was married where to go? Actually I did it very politely, and we remained friends, but there was no way I was going to encourage him, however much he'd always fancied me!

Some people are jealous and possessive, of course, and they will always be suspicious of even the THOUGHT entering your head. Others will be honest enough to recognise that we all have thoughts, but you don't HAVE to let them take over!

Mely

gonzo127 wrote: »

we have even been known to point someone out that we know the other would have a good ogle over, but hey as you have said everyone is different

Me and my dh are like that...lol. But we are extremely happily married and we both know its normal to still fancy other people. Its a different thing if you act on it though:eek:

swiss69

Men have so many thoughts like this about other woman that there would be too many to mention to your g/f/wife!