worried about feelings

Happy_Girl_2

I think it is perfectly normal to find others attractive in the fleeting context that other posters have described. From the OP I believe you are saying thas this is not just a fleeting thought which pops into your head when you are doing the washing up etc? If you are soending a lot of time thinking about this guy, emotional time which should be directed towards your DH, then I don't think that is normal. IMO it signifies some unconscious aspect of your relationship is missing. An aspect which you perceive this other guy offers

As an example, I have always found tall stocky guys attravtive, despite being madly in love with my DH. During my marriage and subsequent relationships, I would have these quite intense crushes on other men who were always tall and stocky. At the time, I was perfectly happy in my relationship and was not aware of any issues within it. It used to unnerve me as to why I could have these intense feelings for other blokes. It was only after my marriage broke up for unrelated reasons, that I could see the pattern. Now I'm in a committed relationship with a tall stocky guy :-) and I have not had one of these crushes since I met him, nor do I believe I ever will now as I have what I always wanted!

As I said, random comments of 'he/she is fit' then thinking no more of it is perfectly normal. Spending a lot of time thinking about another person is not. I apologise if I've misinterpreted your OP, but if you do have intense feelings for the other guy, ask yourself what it is exactly that you find attractive, and see if you can get that aspect into your marriage.

Pixiechic

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

It's a standing joke in our house, whenever a shirtless Hugh Jackman or a betrunked Daniel Craig appears on TV - the OH says to the boys 'look at your mother!' as I'm dreamily gazing at the screen.

Oh my gosh, Daniel Craig in the sea in those speedos I'm drooling, ummmmmmmmm.

missbishi

You can look at the menu but you don't have to order!

confusedandterrified

Thak you all for replying. I was just so worried it wasnt 'normal'.
I definatley wont be acting on it ( or ripping his clothes off at next bbq). We actually met at a works meal tonight at the bar. He was that drunk and rude, I just though.... '!!!!!!'. IF i find mysekf daydreaming again, ill think of that moment. Anyways night x

Savvy_Sue

It's too late at night to read all the replies, so I'm just going to repeat something I've said before, which is not original, I have it as a Chinese proverb, possibly even "Confucius, he say ..."

You can't stop the birds landing on your head, but you can stop them nesting there.

So, you've thought "oooh, he looks gorgeous / hunky / sexy / fit, I could really go for him." Now, instead of dwelling on that, move on. "What shall we have for tea tonight? Shall I do the ironing tonight?"

Actually just seen your last post - excellent idea! :rotfl:

jakem_2

Please dont take this the wrong way what I am going to write, as I would never hurt you or anyone intentionally.
I am not having a go at you, as I used to daydream about certain things thats because I was in a cold relationship.

But getting back to what you said, I havent a problem with that, and everyone has agreed that its normal, and it is, honest but what I cant get my head around is that it seems to be accepted that we can have these thoughts, but yet, other posters write in saying, that they are on the brink of meeting someone, or they fancy someone at work, or a friend of thier partner, is it classed as cheating?, or they have found thier partner talking to someone on the internet, they havent done anything, (is that classed as cheating), ( not my words, but some posters say) and yet some replies saying, something along the lines, that even though its not physical cheating, its still emotional cheating and dont even think about it.

But, yet we can think of having a dabble, ok, dabble might be too strong a word , so why is it okay to say that we might have thoughts about another person, but its not right for you, me, them to come on here complaining thier partner is chatting up someone on the internet, even though there is nothing physical going on?

Do you get what I am trying to say:) Like I said i am not having a go, thank god that I had a great imagination in my marriage , but i am just curious to know why its acceptable for us to have thoughts and fantasies about someone else, but not acceptable when we find that our partners are having the same thoughts and fantasies ie on the internet/facebook etc

sassy_one

jakem wrote: »

Please dont take this the wrong way what I am going to write, as I would never hurt you or anyone intentionally.
I am not having a go at you, as I used to daydream about certain things thats because I was in a cold relationship.

But getting back to what you said, I havent a problem with that, and everyone has agreed that its normal, and it is, honest but what I cant get my head around is that it seems to be accepted that we can have these thoughts, but yet, other posters write in saying, that they are on the brink of meeting someone, or they fancy someone at work, or a friend of thier partner, is it classed as cheating?, or they have found thier partner talking to someone on the internet, they havent done anything, (is that classed as cheating), ( not my words, but some posters say) and yet some replies saying, something along the lines, that even though its not physical cheating, its still emotional cheating and dont even think about it.

But, yet we can think of having a dabble, ok, dabble might be too strong a word , so why is it okay to say that we might have thoughts about another person, but its not right for you, me, them to come on here complaining thier partner is chatting up someone on the internet, even though there is nothing physical going on?

Do you get what I am trying to say:) Like I said i am not having a go, thank god that I had a great imagination in my marriage , but i am just curious to know why its acceptable for us to have thoughts and fantasies about someone else, but not acceptable when we find that our partners are having the same thoughts and fantasies ie on the internet/facebook etc

You get my vote, I didn't comment here as I was too, a little worried I'd sound harsh.
I totally agree with your comments.

whitewing

jakem wrote: »

Please dont take this the wrong way what I am going to write, as I would never hurt you or anyone intentionally.
I am not having a go at you, as I used to daydream about certain things thats because I was in a cold relationship.

But getting back to what you said, I havent a problem with that, and everyone has agreed that its normal, and it is, honest but what I cant get my head around is that it seems to be accepted that we can have these thoughts, but yet, other posters write in saying, that they are on the brink of meeting someone, or they fancy someone at work, or a friend of thier partner, is it classed as cheating?, or they have found thier partner talking to someone on the internet, they havent done anything, (is that classed as cheating), ( not my words, but some posters say) and yet some replies saying, something along the lines, that even though its not physical cheating, its still emotional cheating and dont even think about it.

But, yet we can think of having a dabble, ok, dabble might be too strong a word , so why is it okay to say that we might have thoughts about another person, but its not right for you, me, them to come on here complaining thier partner is chatting up someone on the internet, even though there is nothing physical going on?

Do you get what I am trying to say:) Like I said i am not having a go, thank god that I had a great imagination in my marriage , but i am just curious to know why its acceptable for us to have thoughts and fantasies about someone else, but not acceptable when we find that our partners are having the same thoughts and fantasies ie on the internet/facebook etc

My thoughts do not involve communicating with anyone about them. I certainly would never let the person in question know, nor would I message or text him on any kind of personal level.

dollydoodah

jakem wrote: »

Do you get what I am trying to say:) Like I said i am not having a go, thank god that I had a great imagination in my marriage , but i am just curious to know why its acceptable for us to have thoughts and fantasies about someone else, but not acceptable when we find that our partners are having the same thoughts and fantasies ie on the internet/facebook etc

But there is a difference between just having thoughts and fantasies, and acting on them.

hot.chick

Me and hubby tell each other about peoples look all the time, oh she's pretty or did you see his eyes, or his arms, or her boobs or what ever, it's just conversation to us.....

and also talk about ex's regulerly, they were part of our life and that life makes us who we are.

Not sure it'd be the same if he said he'd been having regular sexual thoughts about someone.....

I'd say defo no harm done in thinking it - but defo keep it to yourself, or just tell us that might help get it off your chest as it were...