worried about feelings

confusedandterrified

Please excuse if this gets confusing or if I just ramble on.
I have recently moved to a new area of uk with my husband and son due to husband recieving a promotion.
Met alot of families through his company get togethers and made friends quickly. Now this would be perfect IF I was not having romantic and sexual thoughts about one of the guys he works with. Ive not told anyone as its really worrying me. I love my husbad to pieces and plan to spend the rest of my life with him.
I would never act upon these feelings. I just want advice from people if they had been through this
If I didnt tell someone, I felt like Id explode!!! Sorry I had to unload it all on you

Pixiechic

Hi,

I think that this is normal! I think many men and women in happy stable relationships still can have sexual thoughts and feelings about someone else. The difference is whether or not you act on those feelings and as you say you have no intention to act then don't worry, enjoy .

Its okay to fantasize about someone that turns you on sexually, it could be Brad Pitt or the guy next door. As long as you don't act on it it's okay! I find loads of guys sexy or attractive but that doesn't mean I don't love my boyfriend and I wouldn't do anything! I am sure my bf has found many other women sexually attractive and he has fantasized too.

As long as you don't start flirting uncontrollably and ripping off his clothes at the next bbq I'm sure it will all be fine! Fantasising and erotic dreams are great, I'm sure we all have them.

whitewing

I have a bit of a crush on someone, similar to you. I worried about it terribly as I love my husband dearly. I tried to talk myself out of it but couldn't quite seem to.

In the end I told my husband. He laughed, held my hand and said, 'I love you and that's that. I trust you.' (He has also made it absolutely clear in general that my actions are my responsibility and there would be no attempt to shift any blame!)

I know I'm lucky. I certainly would have been livid if my husband had said similar to me.

pinkclouds

It's fine to offload your feelings here, anonymously. Just don't do it anywhere else.

If you find it difficult to get rid of these feelings: try to imagine what your life would be like on your own, without hubby or child, in some flea-ridden hovel, working for minimum wage. The grass isn't greener.

ciderwithrosie_2

Hope this is reassuring but I think it's perfectly normal. It's happened to me a good few times over the years, and I've been happily married for 20 years and have 3 kids. I call them my 'washing up' moments - ie, when you're doing something mindless and your thoughts wander off to more pleasant (if slightly disturbing) things.

It only becomes a problem if you choose to act on it.

It's exciting to imagine yourself with somebody else because it's the unknown. After being married for a while we pretty much know everything about our partners, not saying it has to become mundane but there's not the thrill of the chase there that we crave so much. I could spend hours dreaming 'what if' and how I'd react in certain scenarios. Plus we all like to know 'we've still got it' the power to attract the opposite sex and we're more than somebody's wife or mother. Plus, some men just have a certain quality, they exude your preferred brand of maleness which has nothing to do with looks or personality, or they have values/skills you admire. I've fantasised about some very unusual suspects over the years I can tell you. I'm 46 and a few years ago had a bit of a 'all in my head' crush on a 20 something at work, I'm sure he would have been horrified had he known but it kept me happy for a few weeks until I was distracted by something else.

Don't worry too much about it, you know you love your husband and enjoy the washing up!

regards CWR

gonzo127

agree with above - perfectly natural and fine so long as you dont act on it

my darling wife and i always talk about who we find attractive on TV and such, as much as some people think its strange i would be worried if she stopped saying - oh i wouldnt kick him out of bed for farting, or some other type of comment every now and then

i dont think you would be being human if your head didnt get turned every now and then

Philip624

agree with all said on here so far, happily married but there is a girl on my train I am desperately in love with lol. but i will never tell her or act on it (she'll run a mile for starters) but she lights up my mornings.

my wife also knows exactly which of her friends id like to do lol

Tropez

As has been said, it is only a problem if you act on it.

Most people will have fantasies about individuals other than their partners, it is natural, and inevitable given the society that we live in.

However, if these feelings that you are experiencing are really causing you great concern then perhaps it would be best to look for ways to spend less time around this man who you are attracted to?

Pee

More confirmation that this is def normal. The strange thing is the guy I feel like this about I almost certainly wouldn't really want, it just feels like I do. I haven't told my boyfriend, and won't. I do make a slight effort to keep away from the guy, we do tend to have intense conversations but fortunately these are now about his new girlfriend, which is making life easier. The most difficult bit was that he made it clear that he found me attractive, so I have been careful not to let him know that it is mutual.

GEEGEE8

This is how I knew my first serious relationship wasn't right, because I DID act on a feeling once..

I know now that with my current OH I would never in a million miles do anything like that, although I fancy David Beckham and random people I come across, I'd never do anything even if offered it on a plate!

If you fancy others, that's normal... if you consider doing anything to take it further then it's not, and that was my cue in my ex relationship that I didn't love him enough for it to work.

GEEGEE8

whitewing wrote: »

I have a bit of a crush on someone, similar to you. I worried about it terribly as I love my husband dearly. I tried to talk myself out of it but couldn't quite seem to.

In the end I told my husband. He laughed, held my hand and said, 'I love you and that's that. I trust you.' (He has also made it absolutely clear in general that my actions are my responsibility and there would be no attempt to shift any blame!)

I know I'm lucky. I certainly would have been livid if my husband had said similar to me.

Wow - my boyfriend would go mad, and so would I in return!

What a great husband you have xx