debt collectors still chasing me

sandraroffey

am sitting in an internet cafe, crying my heart out. tomorrow i go back over to look after them for one and half weeks, and its my last trip there. after that, they gone.

i wont see my youngest son hardly ever and his little girl. his partner doesnt like anyone staying over there and i certainly cant afford a hotel. nor will my other son who often goes over there to see them all with me. and nor will all those people see the boys once theyve gone. the boys adore their uncles and their little cousins. theya lways say that their uncle and his little girl always come to see them when i am there and they stand and look out the window for them.

nothing will ever be the same again. even now. nothing matters any more. i feel empty, like my heart has been ripped out. extreme i know, but after four years of taking care of them and catering for their every needs, i just cant stop caring, just like that.

and all i have is a state pension and pension credit, hardly enough for high living. no, i dont want high living, i want to be able to afford to go and see my family. but she has already made it clear that this is her new life, and its not a good idea if i am there too often.

she told me that this was my chance to go and do all the things i wanted to! laugh?????????????? what with!!!!!!!!! and doing stuff is no fun on your own. my other children have all said that they are glad that they will be seeing more of me. just hope i dont wear out my welcome. thanks all for your concern.x

Savvy_sewing

Oh Sandra, I am sorry that you really are feeling so low. But do remember that there are other people in your family too.
Maybe your daughter is feeling guilty that she is taking the boys from you and that is why she suggests doing things you always wanted to do?
Perhaps the fact that your on Pensioncredits etc, means that you can get a bus pass. You may not be able to get out very far, but at least you can get out, especially now while the weather is reasonably clement.
Please look forward to next week with the boys and dont start to mourn thier loss yet. They are not gone. They are looking forward to seeing granny next week no doubt.
Take each day as it comes, and deal with that day. Please do not waiste your energy on worrying and mourning the future, it is not here yet.
Please take heart that we are all here, and thinking of you. But you must do something for yourself, and that is promise yourself that no matter what the world throws at you, you can surmount it. You can move on, its hard, its bloody hard, but you can move on. Take one step at a time. Get used to that one day without them. Then deal with the next day. Etc etc. Dont ponder the problems before they arrive.
If you really are as low as you are coming across, I really think that you need to go back to see your doctors. If you have to take antidepressants again, then maybe you do. I have had to retake them in the past. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Please please do not think that you are alone.
Take care, Mooloo

sandraroffey

i have been spending since 1967, the year i got married, surmounting whatever life threw at me. and there was some pretty nasty things that got thrown at me!!!!!!!!

there has to come a time when it stops?? or even slows down a little??? how much more can i take??? havent i been through enough?????????

i must have been a right nasty person in a past life. i really think that i cant take much more. its one thing after another and it isnt small things either. it s mammoth life changing things.

really have had enough now.xxx

Savvy_sewing

sandraroffey wrote: »

i have been spending since 1967, the year i got married, surmounting whatever life threw at me. and there was some pretty nasty things that got thrown at me!!!!!!!!

there has to come a time when it stops?? or even slows down a little??? how much more can i take??? havent i been through enough?????????

i must have been a right nasty person in a past life. i really think that i cant take much more. its one thing after another and it isnt small things either. it s mammoth life changing things.

really have had enough now.xxx

Sandra please be careful. You are worrying me. I too have had somany challenges thrown at me, and thought what next! But although each time it seems impossible, somehow I get through it!.
I really do think that you need to get some proffessional help. If you feel that low, at least phone the samaratins!

Please be strong. Just take one day at a time. Deal with one thing at a time. You can cope, if you have coped all this time, you can continue to cope. Its not all lost.
You are strong. Dig deep my friend.

sandraroffey

i feel like this because of so much has been thrown at me. and its never ending. when i say mammoth life changing things, it is just that, like this is now. im not making little things into big things. they ae really big things. and its been like that since i married my husband in 1967. i have had lots of practice. i know that i have to live with this latest thing. but living with it is completely different to be able to cope with it. its not just her life and the life of her boys that she is changing, its mine too. i have been over here more or less for 11 years. i have friends etc over here as well. i had a business here. and coming back over here four and half years ago to take up the childcare s what pulled me out of serious depression before. suddenly i had a life again. its not seeing my youngest son adn his family that is really getting to me. i can go and see my daughter and the bys, of course i can, but my youngest son, his partner wont let any of us stay there, so i/we cant come for weekends and short trips in the school holidays to see the kids, so its going to be quick day trips at weekends when he isnt working away. its all so sad. not just for me but for all of us. becuse its not just us who wont see the family, its the family wont see everyone else either.

confused76

hi Sandra have you spoken to your youngest son about your worries of not seeing him and his family? can he come up with any suggestions? please try speaking to him, let him know how you will miss seeing them.

as mooloo says, have you thought about calling the Samaritans for a chat? you sound like you need someone to talk to

hugs to you, keep talking to us xx

sandraroffey

yes i have, and he is putting a brave face on it all. he isnt in the best of relationships and every time he needs help, or food - his partner doesnt feed him - or needs a few pounds for petrol, or needs a bed for the night, he runs to my daughters place. now he will have no one here not a soul. and he wont leave because of his little girl.

he said he will make sure he tries to get to me for the whole weekend, at least once a month. and bring his little one with him. we are going to do the same, but we can only see him for a day. but its better than nothing. when i had to run away from here 5 years ago, i left them behind then, now i am doing it again. but he has said that he will do his best to do that. however he drives for a living and there are going to be some weekends he wont want to drive all the way mine after driving all around europe for a week. but i'll have to live with that, but i will miss him terribly. he wants me to stop worrying about him but i cant do that. i'm his mum and i know what his relationship and situation is. he isnt happy at all.

this will all work out in the end, i'm sure it will. but for me, this is going to take a very long time. i'm not jut losing my daughter and the boys to a place thats far away, but also my youngest son and his little girl.

RuthnJasper

Hello Sandra,

I've just been reading your thread and my heart goes out to you. Although my life is very different - I'm in my early 30s and have not had to deal with half the problems that you have - I understand every one of your feelings; I have had two nervous breakdowns myself, and even attempted suicide on a number of occaions. I would not be here today if it weren't for my dog Jasper.

It sounds as though your grandchildren love you SO much; I bet you are a fantastic granny. My granny is still alive and I love and cherish her to bits.

I cannot echo enough the advice of Miggy, MooLoo and Paul...debtfree - I know it seems desperately hard just to get through each day, but please hang on in there. You are a very, very special person and they only made one of you. It will be OK.

Here are a couple of suggestions, if you want them. I also (as well as taking medication) found Cognitive Behavioural Therapy extremely helpful. It's not weird mumbo-jumbo, but simple thinking about identifying each step along the road to a breakdown and trying to deal with each bit. I understand how hard it can be to talk about things, especially when you feel so raw, and there is a really fantastic, well-written and non-preachy book that I strongly recommend. I noticed that it was one that my psychiatric counsellor at the hospital was using a great deal (along with other books in the same series) and decided to buy for myself. It's called "Overcoming Depression' - here's a link to it on Amazon; you can buy a used copy for just over £4. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Depression-Self-help-Behavioral-Techniques/dp/1841191256/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1280783559&sr=1-2 It explains CBT and how it works. It's got little 'tasks' you can do by yourself and you can read through it at your own pace. To be honest, after I bought the book, it sat on the shelf, unread, for AGES - but when I read it I found it extremely helpful and I wished I'd read it sooner!

The other suggestion is more concerned with your grandchildren and what to do when they move away. Why not get yourself a webcam, and get your son to get one for HIS computer (if he hasn't got one already)? They're pretty cheap these days and very easy to set up. Then, you could have some "granny time" say, once or twice a week, or whatever, when you can see and chat with them (as if they were face-to-face with you) over your computer. There are sites - the ones I use are SkyPe and Yahoo Messenger - where you can make the calls for free, so they won't add to your 'phone bill. With webcams, you can chat with the grandchildren any time face to face, read them stories, listen to their little jokes, etc.

Just after my brother got married, he and his wife went to spend a few years working in New Zealand. Whilst there, my sister-in-law became pregnant and my little nephew was born there (he's now six!). I set my parents up with a webcam (and they are older than you are, and not terribly worldly!) and they heard the first little cries and gurgles of their first grandchild via the webcam. I think they talked more to my brother in New Zealand than they did to ME (and I still lived with my parents at the time!). If you look on PC World's website and search on it for "webcams", I'm sure you'll find lots of helpful advice.

I hope these suggestions are in some way useful to you.

But more than anything else, Sandra, please do take care of yourself. I know that it seems the whole of life and the universe is pressing down on you - but you are a very special lady, and have come through so much already with your dignity intact. Keep going - you won't feel like this forever.

Please feel free to PM me if you ever want to sound-off - or for more webcam advice!

lots of love, Ruth & Jasper-dog xxxx

sandraroffey

at home i dont even have a working computer, let alone the internet. but i know its something i am going to have to look at. its an expense i can well do wtihout, but i know that i cant live without it. being at my daughters for over the half the week, meant i could use hers. but will def need one. with a web cam too. and really must sort out the speakers off the old computer. its all going to be my lifeline. maybe they all wont seem so far away.xxx

Doucam

Hi sandra, (I am a sandra too!) the webcam is a good idea, and how about skype? that is a free phone thing that you can use on the internet.

Just wanted to say that these things can be sorted out, keep talking to us on here, you can pm me if you want to rant anytime as well. And when you are ready to sort out the debt thing then we are here for you as well xx