debt collectors still chasing me

confused76

the other thing to consider if you don't want to take medication, is that the doctor could refer you to someone to talk to, this might help

good luck x

sandraroffey

i saw someone to talk to when it all kicked off with my husband before. i found talking to someone face to face made it a thousand times worse.

it brought everything to the fore and i just couldnt handle that at all.

Savvy_sewing

sandraroffey wrote: »

no i havent. not for while. i dont want to start taking tablets again, which i dont know what they will do to me, when i am still looking after 5 year olds. what am i going to do without those little boys. they have been my whole life for 4 years. its me they come to when they are hurt or sick. it was me who nursed them through chicken pox. its me they get into bed with t night. its me who bathes them and puts them to bed. makes cakes with them, and soup. and i wont be seeing my youngest son hardly at all. and big boy that he is, he needs me around a little bit in the week, even if its just to tell him that he really is an alright bloke and give him a hug. his partner doesnt. sorry, but i just cant think further than any of this. its tearing me apart.

Sandraroffey, I think that you need to stop trying to think ahead about the what ifs, mights, and try to just deal with TODAY.
Your depressed, already have mental problems (no offense please), and the children need to see a happy granny.
They must not realise that your hurting so much.
Perhaps your daughter thinks that caring for them is just too much.
I care for my DGD, who is 2 and 1/2, I had to let my other grandchildren go into care, it was heart breaking. But it was for the best.
I went bankrupt from running a pub. I lost everything. But life does go on.
We just have to look at it in a different way.
I am unwell, I suffer from depression, and have been struggling at times.

When you deal with one problem at a time, prioritise, and think about the positives, that if you deal with the OR, once its done, your can relax.
When the children are settled you can go on visits? You will be able to get Grandparents rights to see the children, if there has been a fall out with your daughter.

Please, please seek help.

If you do not feel up to talking to the OR, then why not copy out the information, and write to them to explain things as you have to us?
Do take care, and take it easy. Stressing will only add to the blood pressure and all the other problems. It will not be easy, if you are not taking any antidepressants, but if you just deal with TODAY, and remember that there are lots of people on here who have been in similar situations, and between us all there is a great bond!.

Take care
Mooloo

sandraroffey

it really is so bloody hard. i have brought those little boys up for 4 years and it was the looking after them, that gave me a reason to carry on, to get out of bed in the morning. now i feel as if my life has no purpose. like it felt 5 years ago when i lost MY pub and everything else. its teh fact i wont be seeing my youngest son and his little girl every week. and its the place, you know?? i love this place. taking into account the time i have been coming over each week to have the boys, and add that to the time i lived here before i had to run away, i have been living here more or less for 11 years. i tried to tell my daughter that it isnt just her thats moving away, its me too. i havent the money to come and visit for a few days, just to be here. and my youngest sons partner wont let any of us stay , god knows why. because i look after the boys, my daughter pays my fare. i cant ever see me being happy again.

my mental problems have/are being caused by the siuations that are around me at the time; like my husband trying to kill us all. then having to run away and losing everything because when he came out of prison he wouldnt leave us alone. and now this, just when i was back into a really good place. doing what i was doing meant i saw all of my kids, and all of their kids, every week, in two different places. i more or less LIVED in two different places. i really had teh best of all worlds. , and i had never ever been happier in my whole life. and my daughter is making lots of excuses about why she doesnt want me to look after them any more, none of which actually ring true. the top and bottom of it she is moving to the other end of the country to be nearer to a bloke she met on the internet, and mum doesnt fit into the equasion any more.. god knows whats going to happen when she gets nights shifts and late finishes and early starts.

Savvy_sewing

sandraroffey wrote: »

it really is so bloody hard. i have brought those little boys up for 4 years and it was the looking after them, that gave me a reason to carry on, to get out of bed in the morning. now i feel as if my life has no purpose. like it felt 5 years ago when i lost MY pub and everything else. its teh fact i wont be seeing my youngest son and his little girl every week. and its the place, you know?? i love this place. taking into account the time i have been coming over each week to have the boys, and add that to the time i lived here before i had to run away, i have been living here more or less for 11 years. i tried to tell my daughter that it isnt just her thats moving away, its me too. i havent the money to come and visit for a few days, just to be here. and my youngest sons partner wont let any of us stay , god knows why. because i look after the boys, my daughter pays my fare. i cant ever see me being happy again.

my mental problems have/are being caused by the siuations that are around me at the time; like my husband trying to kill us all. then having to run away and losing everything because when he came out of prison he wouldnt leave us alone. and now this, just when i was back into a really good place. doing what i was doing meant i saw all of my kids, and all of their kids, every week, in two different places. i more or less LIVED in two different places. i really had teh best of all worlds. , and i had never ever been happier in my whole life. and my daughter is making lots of excuses about why she doesnt want me to look after them any more, none of which actually ring true. the top and bottom of it she is moving to the other end of the country to be nearer to a bloke she met on the internet, and mum doesnt fit into the equasion any more.. god knows whats going to happen when she gets nights shifts and late finishes and early starts.

I really do sympathise with you. I had my grandchildren living with me, and all my kids last year. then the twins wanted to move away and live life on thier own. So we all had to move. (living in rented accommodation) So I had to move yet again. Having only 8 months before moved from oxford, where my BF is, to Towcester where all the kids wanted to be. I even had to leave/loose my job for the children. So when living with me was no longer what they wanted to do, I too was heartbroken that the family was being split up in lots of different directions. I felt at a total loss, the first month or so here on my own. DS left home too, not long later.
But after a little while the stubborness wore off, and the Mum helps came back. I spent a lot of time helping my family and its difficult on benefits.
I now foster one of the children, but the mother of the boys still couldnt cope and finally in May her boys were also taken into the system. They were brought to me, but I didnt have the room to have them, or the health to care for them, and could only manage the two days, while SS found the boys somewhere else to live.
I now only get to see the boys once a fortnight, for an hour.
Its not easy and its not nice.

I think what I am trying to say, is that, life does move on, and we have to accept the decisions of our children, whether we like it or not. yes it hurts, yes it changes the dynamics for us.

All we can do, is be there in the background, and wait.
Perhaps your daughter will realise, like one of mine did, that she does still need Mum. Maybe she has a point to prove that she can do it with out you.
She has to make her choices, even if you are not happy about the choices that she has made. You cannot make them for her. She has to live her life, no matter how much you disapprove, will miss her, want to have the boys.
The boys will soon be going to school. they will find thier feet and thier wings.

Alas, our lives as granny moves on. We have to be strong. We are the lynch pin to the family.

Please, please do not see it for the disaster that you are currently seeing it. Please wait and see how it works out. The family may change thier stance once they are in thier new situations.
If you cannot afford the trip, perhaps the family could help you for a treat now and then. or you may be able to get some of the wonderful offers that National Express do all the time. If you go to thier website and register for thier news letter there are always cheap coachfares coming up.


I hope that you can see where I am coming from. that I am just trying to help. Of course if what I am saying is not helping, then feel free to just ignore me. I am no expert, just a mum, a granny, and an ex landlady who also lost her pub, her way of life, and had to start all over again.
(three times now, or more depending on the way you look at lost everything!) This is the 39th place I have had to call my home.
Everytime I have to move, it has been either financial or becuase of the family commitments needed at the time.

Do take care,
Mooloo

Paulgonnabedebtfree

At times of great stress, I find it helpful to step back and think through (or better still write down) what the VERY worst thing is that can happen. I mean, what can they do to you. Oh yeah. They can make you bankrupt, can't they? Already happened? Oh well, they'll just have to whistle for their money and take a hike then.
You can prove that someone took the money to look after your affairs so there's nothing fraudulent on your part - and you can show that.
They don't lock people in debtors prisons these days. They can't put you in front of a firing squad. They can't tie you to a post and tar and feather you.
Not making light of your situation but just being extreme to help you see that they cannot do anything to you that is worse than has already happened - unless you let them.
It is YOU that has the power - not them.

sandraroffey

i know you are all right. itys just how i am feeling right now. i had the boys this weekend gone at mine`. just them and me. mum was at home with the boyfriend. and we had teh nmost wonderful weekend. they didnt want to go home. i didnt want them to go and now i am back to crying again because i miss them so much. and its just too quiet. it was also the last weekend they will be able to come and stay with me for a very long time. they go on the 13th august and then they will be too far away for the regular visits that i get at MY home, when i am not at theirs.

thanks again all of you.xxxxx

Savvy_sewing

sandraroffey wrote: »

i know you are all right. itys just how i am feeling right now. i had the boys this weekend gone at mine`. just them and me. mum was at home with the boyfriend. and we had teh nmost wonderful weekend. they didnt want to go home. i didnt want them to go and now i am back to crying again because i miss them so much. and its just too quiet. it was also the last weekend they will be able to come and stay with me for a very long time. they go on the 13th august and then they will be too far away for the regular visits that i get at MY home, when i am not at theirs.

thanks again all of you.xxxxx

Try and be strong. Remember the weekend with fondness and not sadness.
The boys obviously love you, and they are old enough to ask Mummy questions about when are they going to see you etc etc, and if mum is so wrapped up in the new BF it may only be a matter of time before she is knocking on your door asking for you to care for them while they are doing something else.

Deal with the OR today. Get it behind you. Nothing can happen to you, you were made bankrupt. Pass the problem on. Then it can be SEP, someone elses problem. Ok. Please, take that one little step.

If anyone chases, then give them the standard information, Bankrupcy date, and number. THEY CANNOT TOUCH YOU FOR DEBTS BEFORE THE BR.
Mooloo x

miggy

Hi Sandra,
I don't have anything much to add to the great advice you've been offered already, really, but I couldn't read and run. My heart goes out to you.
Just two suggestions to make - firstly, that you decide to do something each day for the boys - even if it's just to do an online survey to put a few pence towards your next trip to see them, or make a little card to send, or pop some sweeties in the post to them as a treat. You are an important part of their lives and they need to know you are still there for them (I'm sure they do, but they are at an age where they may not have the life experience to help them understand). It will also help you to have something good to focus on. Remember there are years ahead in your releationship with them: it doesn't stop here. As the adult, you can still be there for them, thoguh you need to find new ways to do this.
Secondly, I fully understand your reluctance to take tablets - been there myself. It may be worth asking about CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which is what my doctor suggested for me. I could only do a small amount as, like you, it made it worse to talk about things, but it helped me to see things from a slightly different angle, so I got control over my emotions (and I was in a terrible state before). My situation stayed the same but I now have something of a life again.
After all you've been through, I can see you are a survivor. You have given strength and stability to the little boys, you are the one their mum turned to for help and you were able to give it. Now there are some things that are too much to do right now - they will wait. Turn some of your perceptive and nurturing strength on yourself, do the things that help you get through each day, build towards the future, because the grandchildren will still love their time with granny, even though it's not so often.
Massive hugs, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Miggy x

Savvy_sewing

Hi Sandra,
How are you today?
I hope that your able to reflect and feel a bit stronger today. My thoughts are with you. xx