To cheer us up.....

x_raphael_xx

Heres a money type joke...


How much is a poorly octopus?
.
.
.
.
.
Sick squid.....(six quid. geddit?)

lotto-dreamer

A man and his wife are trying to get to sleep but the man keeps getting up and pacing the bedroom. Wife finally says “what’s the problem?” Man says, “I owe our neighbour Mr Brown almost £20,000 and I don’t know how I’m going to pay him back – business is not good at the moment.

Wife gets out of bed, flings open window and shouts at top of her voice …”Mr Brown, my husband won’t be able to pay you the money he owes you” She slams window, gets back into bed and says to husband – now let him worry, you get some sleep.


(Well, this is the DFW forum….:D )

LittleL_4

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise programme!

SCROLL DOWN.....































NOW SCROLL UP...

That's fine for the first day. Good job.
Have a beer..

Little L
x

lazy&indebt

Mommy tomato, daddy tomato and baby tomato walking along. Baby tomato falls behind, mommy tomato shouts 'ketchup!'

BlondeHeadOn

This one made me laugh a lot!

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad.

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the
Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick
smart before the jobs are all gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta
bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky
is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to
milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shave
though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to
see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or
possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon, and by
that time all the city boys are bu&&ered because we've been on a 'route
march' - geez it's only just like walking to the windmill in the back
paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting
medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's
bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnson's did
when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last
year!

All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a
piece of pi$$!! You don't even load your own cartridges - they comes in
little boxes and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the
roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful
coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and
Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the
platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the
Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the
shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but
I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word
gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila

LittleL_4

Bwhahahah!!!! Love it! Can't wait to tell my niece and nephew
x

bargainbetty

Studies have shown that research for cosmetic surgery and sexual dysfunction treatment is now receiving more financial investment than Parkinsons disease or Alzheimers disease.

Within 20 years, women over 60 will still have tight buttocks and perky breasts and men will have firm erections whenever they want them.

Unfortunately none of us will remember what to do with them.

MinnieSpender

Three couples - one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed - wanted to join a church. The priest said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The old man replied, "No problem at all, Father."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the priest.

The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?"

The middle-aged man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yep, we made it."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the priest.

The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly.

"What happened?" inquired the priest."My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it," said the young man. "When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the priest.

"We know," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."

LittleL_4

Ha! That made me laugh out loud :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

L
xx

postingalwaysposting

little l i havent got any jokes to share but i like this thread, thanks :rotfl: