Stop being a Wimp!... DMP Journey

Ellieseleven

Hi Jackie,

You know in the few short weeks that we have been mailing each other I can see a "new" Jackie. You seem far more determined than you first were which is great!

My hubby says exactly the same sort of things... "why are we living like paupers, have you been shopping? theres nothing in the fridge, do we have to talk about debt, I thought it was all sorted etc. etc. - I just let it all go over my head and just carry on with what I'm doing. He is really annoying me at the moment as he seems to think that the debt has just "gone away" which means that he can go and buy another lawn mower or whatever for his business. I ignore this because he just does not get "it" at all. Buying stuff for business has contributed to the mess that we are in now:mad:

Anyway, a few days away will do you good and I'm sure your marriage will be fine once everything kicks in and settles down properly:)

Have a good time and "forget" debt as much as you are able

Ellie xx

Ellieseleven

This morning the sun is shining, so I've done all our washing and hung it out to dry. Feeling quite good today and am making the most of it as my bank loan is due tomorrow:eek:

At this point in the month I would be plotting how to pay the HP payment for my car £263 and the gas and electricity pay of £113 but it's already in the bank ready to go!!

Also due a pay rise from work and a promised bonus payment (first in 2years) will be in my salary for August;) This will cover the first DMP payment and we can start to put a bit away for emergencies etc.

Panic rating 2/10
Bladder behind eyes 0/10
Feeling of failure 1/10
Support from OH 5/10 (being generous as I'm in a good mood!)

Ellieseleven

The last of my debts will be missed today, all 11 creditors will now know that I am in financial difficulty. One of my biggest worries when I set out to do this DMP was a feeling of failure that I wasn't able to pay and how I would be perceived by my creditors, but do you know what, really they don't even know that I exist until I don't pay! So I'm not going to worry or let this get me down any more:o

I've managed for 4 weeks now without using a CC and I'm still here! CC's were used to pay other bills and buy food and hadn't been used for luxuries for a long time so I haven't missed them really. The only thing that is now a bit harder is when I work away, I have to make sure that I have enough money with me to pay for everything.

On my TO DO list today:

Move mortgage DD to new account
File away letters
Contact CCCS with answers to their queries

Panic rating 3/10
Bladder behind eyes 1/10
Feeling of failure 1/10
Support from OH 2/10

Ellieseleven

Right, mortgage sorted and DD moved to new account. This was another of those situations that I blow out of proportion and I was a bit bothered about ringing because my mortgage is with the same bank as my OD, 1 CC and bank loan. In my head there was allsorts of stuff going on but in reality the lady I spoke to just took the new details and set the new DD up - so another thing that I have "lived" to tell the tale:rotfl:

Having a clear out this week, old letters, clothes etc. - have now set up a new filing system so that I can get to everything easily.

Still got the baking bug, made cheese and onion pies yesterday.

Oven is on the blink, think that its the electrics but not sure who to ask to look it over?

Need to start buying next lot of token payments as 1st DMP payment on 1st Sept but next CC due 19th Aug

Panic rating 2/10
Bladder behind eyes 1/10
Feeling of failure 1/10
Support from OH 2/10

Ellieseleven

So, I'm sitting here at daft o'clock wondering where all this will end. I have been lying awake for hours with everything going through my head. I'm not sure whether I can cope with the stress, I've felt quite positive over the last few days but then it all hits me again.

I feel so alone, OH is not interested, telephone is ringing continually throughout the day, I'm sick of trying to make ends meet.

I worry over everything and blow everything out of proportion, my main worry now is that the creditors are not going to accept my offer of payment as the total that I can pay to the DMP is much less than the minimums.

OH's business is on its last legs but he doesn't bother to look for anything else so we will soon be stuffed.

Feelings are very dark at the minute, perhaps these will change in the morning

Ellieseleven

On top of everything else I now have a cold and feel rotten, OH has it too so blames me for infecting him.

I feel like leaving him to it and I'm getting to the end of my patience with him. Because I'm on holiday he stays at home so is under my feet, there's no sense of urgency with him i.e. we will have no income at all this week if he doesn't do some work!

My motivation is waning because I feel that it is me that is having to do everything and I feel like just throwing the towel in and saying "Have everything"

And the phone calls have started again this morning so we will have that throughout the day

Anyway, sorry for whinging on but I have no-one to talk to so just have to get my feelings out somehow

Panic rating 1/10
Bladder behind eyes 5/10
Feeling of failure 9/10
Support from OH -6/10

Ellieseleven

After the first feeling of panic, followed by a feeling of relief that we have taken the DMP route, my feeling now is one of hopelessness and failure. I'm on holiday at the moment so probably have too much time on my hands to think about it all.

One of the letters that I have received stated that our credit file will be affected for the life of the debt (10 yrs 11 mths at the moment) plus a further 6 years afterwards. This has played on my mind as it means that I will be 69:eek: We live in a 4 bedroom house which we wanted to sell and downsize but from what I can tell we will never get another mortgage so it looks like we are stick here forever - this is making me so depressed!

OH is now depressed as well which does not help - he is working today but his customer is paying by cheque so we have no money at all.

Sick of the phone ringing too:(

My positive attitude has left me and try as I might to get it back, it's not working as we are just having one crisis after another and you wonder whether its all worth it:(

Sorry that these posts are all doom and gloom but this is the only way that I am coping at the moment. I have to let my feelings spill onto the page otherwise I'm just bottling it all up:(

Panic rating 2/10
Bladder behind eyes 8/10
Feeling of failure 10/10
Support from OH 3/10

Ellieseleven

Scratch the "paying by cheque" bit and change to not paying at all - this job has now been cancelled so we have no money:o

OH has been so upset this afternoon and this has upset me too, he feels that it is all his fault. He has obviously been bottling everything up which I have taken to be indifference and not caring about our situation. I've told him that he needs to be open with me and I with him, so that we can get through this.

Still feeling very low at the moment, phone calls are becoming unbearable:eek:

Bladder behind eyes 10/10

Ellieseleven

Well, another night where I can't sleep and things are going around and around my head. No idea how we are going to get through this and cannot think of any way out.

I'm sure that we will look back on this time one day and think "Phew!, thank god thats over" but one thing is for sure I never ever want credit again, all it has brought is misery!!!!:o

We have our health and a supportive family and are better off than many - I just have to keep reminding myself of this:)

Ellieseleven

We are in a state of limbo again now for a while, waiting for our first payment to go off to CCCS. I'm hoping that this will curtail the number of phone calls that we are getting but if not then I will send off the harassment letter that I have been kindly pointed to on another thread.

I understand that these credit card companies want their money back but I wonder if being so aggressive really gets them anywhere? I want to pay back what I owe and am not in the situation that I'm in lightly but the way they perform makes me want to go down the unenforceability route as some of my CC's are over 20 years old:o

Another rainy day and another customer has cancelled, so not a good start for OH

Panic rating 2/10
Bladder behind eyes 9/10
Feeling of failure 8/10
Support from OH 3/10