It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

Hippeechiq

Nargleblast wrote: »

Annie, focus on the good things in life. You have got rid of someone who sounds like a total waste of good oxygen. Divorce nowadays has to be on the grounds of irretrievable breakdown of marriage (or desertion for a certain period of time), infidelity is no longer considered grounds in itself, even though you want the world to know what a !!!!!! he has been. The sooner you accept that (hard though it is) the sooner you can get on and make the most of your life. If he is so hung up about things, possessions, then so what? They are just things. As you are finding now, there is more to life than the material stuff. It sounds like you are already making good progress in that direction, with your allotment, and of course the support you get from people on here. Having been through the divorce mill myself years ago, I know it is horrible at the time but you do get through it eventually and get to look back and know it was the right thing to do. Sorry about the news about your friend, and the way in which you found out (another reason to crack on with bringing some closure to your relationship!) - at least those who are important to you know the truth and still care about you. There is a good life out there for you, you just have to wade through a bit of treacle at times to get to it. Good luck, and I apologise now if some of the things I have said have been a little blunt but that's me - never call a spade a spade unless you can call it a ruddy shovel!

Personally, I think your post is excellent :T

I would just like to say though that I'm sorry to hear the news about your friend Annie, but on a positive note, am so pleased that you seem to have walked into the bosom of some genuine warm hearted people

Lindy_-_Loo

purpleheather2810 wrote: »

Afternoon everyone. Had a breakthrough re stocking up cupboards - managed to get hubby, who hates DIY and never does any, to put some extra shelves in the cupboards! Result! So now, rather than having a load of dead space in our food cupboards we can properly fill them. V pleased. Used up another marrow today in a big pot of soup. This evening I am going to find out about Partylite (this is a party plan selling candles) - the products are nice, I don't want to get really into it but it would be a nice bit of pocket money/debt repayment money. I'm finding it hard to make any money from my language tuition work and having a bit of a crisis about what I want to do with my life (!!) In fact, as time goes by, the more I feel I should be there for my children, do justice to running the household and making a home Old Style, helping out at school and with PTA, and ENJOYING my kids before they get too big. Spent almost every day this week crying about it and feeling like a failure.

Im a SAHM too and I know how you feel. Im starting to help out at school next month and I sometimes feel maybe I should be earning to help pay for things but I want to be at home with the boys and with OH working full time I dont think it will work. I do surveys online and I quite like putting stuff on ebay - have listed this weekend and the stuff has sold already!!

Dont be tough on yourself, being a SAHM is tough - I know alot of my friends go to work for a break! x

Primrose

Annie - sorry about the death of your friend, especially when you've been going through such a bad patch yourself. But delighted your greenhouse and shed are now in situ on your allotment. It sounds as if you're making some nice new friends who will hopefully be around you on your future journey.
Sounds like you can expect the usual acrimony from your ex who had suddenly realised that he still wants his cake, even though he's eaten it. Try not to let it get to you. It won't last for ever and if you can continue to relish and enjoy your freedom, with every passing day you'll hopefully realise that you made the right decision.
(I would love to have seen his face when he arrived home and found the shed and greenhouse missing :rotfl:)

Annie56

Hi Nargleblast and all,

No Nargleblast I dont find your post in any way bad, its just what I say to myself most times I get down, hearing it from other folk makes it clearer, life does go on.

Im not going to pretend that Id not love to take a massive big kick at him but the only person Id be letting down would be myself. Its made me a better person and the best way to cope with someone like my exOH is to hold my head up high and get on with my life which Im doing.

I have had a wonderful life to look forward to, many friends and new adventures to look forward too, hopefully one of my greatest things Id love to do is one day to be in a position to maybe foster a child or work with children,
Im a midwife, newly made redundant, with skills needed somewhere, if it means maybe moving to a new area to achieve this I will, at 44 Im not past it, infact I have a whole life to live over again....time is a great healer, most days Im fine then some well meaning friend phones with the latest titbit of gossip of exOH and co, then I realise Im not going to fuel the fire by listening, I just say I dont wish to discuss my past life wanna hear about my new life? they think there going to hear about some new man in my life except its all about onions, manure and dirty fingernails they soon get off the phone...

Primrose hes more upset that Ive taken the bed my parents bought me for my Christmas last year...seems floozie didnt appreciate me leaving her the Good Housekeeping Guide and the dishwasher instructions....life goes on...I see a bright future for me well until my leccie meter runs out .

Annie56 xx

purpleheather2810

Annie, I'm so sorry to hear about the untimely death of your friend. At least you can now pay your respects at the funeral and it has prompted you to contact your other friends and make sure they know where you are, which can only be a good thing. You need friends around you at times like these. So, sounds like the separation is turning a little nasty. As you say, the gloves are off. We are all here for you.

Thanks everyone for your kind words about my rather downbeat post from earlier on. I think I feel like a failure because, like lots of people, I spread myself too thinly and I feel like I never (or rarely, anyway) do something "properly". I'm working on that attitude, because I know it's not healthy. I also feel like a failure because, on paper, my business was supposed to make money and it just isn't. I take around €100 per month from it. The rest goes on expenses including a hefty chunk of royalties to the owners of the national franchise. In reality it means that I am working on 4 days out of 7 (not necessarily all day though) and Holly is in paid-for daycare for 2 days. My hubby works from home, so fortunately if I have to pop out for an hour to teach one class, he will watch her for me. I guess people just don't have the money to pay for after school tuition at the moment

AnnieG

Hello
Did anyone see the programme about rationing and war time food last night, with the lovely Valentine Warner? It was really interesting, especially when he cooked some of the recipes saying ' I don't like the look of this' and then ate it and said it was surprisingly tasty. I might even try the mock goose myself!
I was really hoping that DS would pay attention, he really enjoyed learning about the war at school and I thought he might take an interest. Unfortunately he didn't take it in. I admit to having spoiled him in the past.. call it single parent guilt, giving in too easily, whatever, but I've never been very good at saying no. When I was working and earning good money it wasn't too much of a problem, but now I'm living on benefits its really hard, he has these enourmous tantrums, punches me and kicks me and makes my life a living hell. I just don't know what to do with him, how to make him understand that I can't just buy him what he wants. In the last week he's demanded a Nintendo Wii, a new bike, games for his ipod, another guinea pig.... sigh.
Sorry, I only popped in to say hello but ended up offloading. I'm fonding life very difficult right now, and don't have anyone I can speak to about it.

penelopedee_2

AnnieG, I'm finding life very difficult too. This thread helps me keep sane and its nice to have others to chat too with the same mindset.

DS will understand eventually. Its taken me years just to get my lot to cook from the cupboards rather than wander up the shop

Annie56

Hi AnnieG

Offload on here Ive done and the advice has been very good and practical, can I ask what age your son is?

I dont know what to say to you, sometimes children are really aware of the changes without us explaining them, does he normally react like that or do you think hes picking up on how bad you feel right now?

Im not a mum so dont know what to say, but maybe somebody else on here can help with some advice, I know when I realised I wasnt going to be going out to work I panicked, really had a bad time wondering how the heck life was going to go on, its still dicey but Im picking myself up slowly, sorry Im rambling on here I just wanted you to know that your not alone in this please PM me if youd like to talk about it offline.

I hope things feel better in the morning, my warmest thoughts to you, us Annies are survivors, just sometimes lifes a bit bad sometimes
Best wishes
Annie56

pink_numbers

I mentioned before that OH may have to leave his work due to health reasons. Well, for now, we've decided to see how it goes, but just in case things get tough we're going to act like he doesn't have a job and save as much as we can where we can...

sounds very good... until now!! I've had a few days to think about this now, and suddenly have become very scared. We have my income, and we know on paper, we can do this, but saying it and doing it are two very different things, aren't they?

penelopedee_2

Pink, it will be ok, try and relax now and get some sleep.

You are prepared and you have a plan, just see what happens.