Sometimes I feel I won't get things in life til much older

squirrelchops

I would suggest redding you look at what you want as an individual as your opening post is all about you and the relationship. I get no sense of what you as an individual want from their life.

I never had a 'life plan'. However knew I always wanted to get a good job and to have independence and meet a nice guy sometime. I worked hard, had my own house at 28. Decided to go to Uni full time at 30....also met OH that year. Now live with him and have just started new career as have finsihed my degree.

Children etc are on the cards but not until I have stablised a career path again.

Siemo

hngrymummy wrote: »

Whilst I agree that you are still young and have a whole lot of time ahead of you, you do need to think at some point about whether you want the same things as each other. If you really really want marriage, and he doesn't, one of you will have to compromise and may end up resenting the other. It's not a small compromise to make.

Give him a break on the subject for a bit, and enjoy being with each other with no mention of marriage and kids. Then, at a good time (pick carefully) sit down and discuss properly your wishes for the future and his wishes for the future. Don't use subtle hints like films, magazines etc. Men have a habit of not getting subtle hints, and then you'll get upset that he hasn't noticed.

I totally agree with everything written above. Only you know how important marriage and children are to you - personally I could never have been with someone who didn't want these things, however much I loved them, because (know it sounds sad) they're the only things I've ever wanted. Yes I have a career and a house, been travelling etc and that's all great but I know on my deathbed it will be my family and my (hopefully!) long happy marriage that I will be most grateful for.

If he doesn't want the same things as you, one of you will have to give up what they want for some kind of compromise, and that person will no doubt end up bitter and resentful in the long run. Men don't have to worry becuase they can reproduce at any time whereas women have a 'window' during which they have to meet a man, settle and get pregnant (which sometimes takes a while), so I know exactly where you're coming from when you say you want to make plans. You don't want to waste your childbearing years with someone who doesn't want kids. And while it is of course possible to get pregnant when you're 35+, if it's something you want desperately you don't want to wait that long just in case.

I'd go with hngrymummy's advice, give him a bit of a break without mentioning it, then in time have a proper heart-to-heart and find out where this is all going, try to get him to be really honest not just say "oh yeah sometime in the future..." which could just be fobbing you off. And then when you (hopefully) know what he really wants you can make an informed decision about whether to stick or twist... Good luck!!

ymcas

I killed one relationship because of being in this situation... at 21 I knew I wanted kids for sure.... not right then, but when i was about 30, but my then boyfriend didn't. I'd been with him 4 years and we split up because I couldn't see past the fact he didn't want kids.

Then met mr commitment phobe at age 24, he wasn't sure about kids but it wasn't a defiinite no. I was planning on travelling anyway so didn't stress too much and in fact going away for a year without him made him realise how much he loved me. Needless to say we are now married, have one kid and another on the way.