Sometimes I feel I won't get things in life til much older

Tigsteroonie

Not everybody becomes suddenly infertile at 35 :rotfl: I fell pregnant very quickly (first weekend of trying!) at almost 40 :rotfl:

Hermia

redding wrote: »

2 years on and we've since discussed it and his views have changed, he does want marriage and kids...just a lot longer down the line than what seems to be the "norm" amongst friends and colleagues.

Try getting new friends and colleagues then!

There definitely isn't a norm. I come from a very working class background, but went through university so tend to meet more middle class people now. I have found that my friends from the town where I came from all did get have kids in their early twenties & were more focused on settling down at an early age. But my friends I have met since then have not considered settling down until their 30s or 40s. You could join the gym or an evening class tomorrow and find you have a new set of friends who would never consider marrying so young!

You just have to keep the communication channels open. The fact is that we all change over time and you just have to keep evaluating what you want. What I want now is certainly a lot different to what I wanted 10 years ago. The fact is people change a lot in their 20s. You might discover the career of your dreams in a couple of years and become the one wanting to put off kids! Your boyfriend may decide he wants to go and dedicate his life to doing charity work in Africa. I know people who have made just as extreme change of plans! Keep planning, but be open to change.

jtr2803

Hi Redding

I have to say that I know exactly where you are coming from.....I am just about to leave work so can't reply in full now but will either post or PM you later

C_Mababejive

All i am reading from the OP is what SHE wants which is fine but her partner is just that...her partner. He isnt her facilitator.

He is also an individual and he has a life as well.

This is the mistake many females make in that they drag their partner round like recalcitrant dogs on a lead and then wonder why they wont come to heel.

hob

i dont think she is expecting him to 'heel' but yeah it is about what SHE wants, because at the end of the day u cant really have a relashionship with someone if u want diffrent things..maybe im wrong , to young to know any better or whatever but seems a bit of aodd comment. its not like she asked how can i trick him in to giving me babys now!! lol

gratefulforhelp_2

Redding I am worrying about the sub-text of what he is saying. You are young and have plenty of time, but do you want to waste it hanging around waiting for your guy to get with your particular program?

Which do you want more? How hacked off would you be if you split up only to hear that with a different woman he suddenly "was ready"?

Sorry I sound harsh but sooo many women I know have regretted waiting around for their guy to change his mind and he hasn't, until they've split up, that is.

gabyjane

Haven't read all the replies so apologies if some is repeated!

I was the same as you when i was younger and to say it all went pear shaped is an understatement! After that i relaxed!

I met my now hubby when i was 19 and tbh and just took things as they were. I thought about marriage but just let things happen, i LOVE houses! and was always on at dh for us to buy a house, i nagged and nagged but it always seemed like a distant hope far away so again dropped it! Children i already have/had so that wasn't really a thing to panic over as such.

Dh proposed to me out of the blue one day, we bought our house very shortly after that and it has all fallen into place really well without me even thinking and it being a huge whirlwind at times!

Sit down with your partner and really have a talk about what you both want and explain what you have said on here..you may get a better idea of what you both want. Most men are quite blaze about things so don't take it personally!
Good luck xx

Debt_Doll

I was thinking about this the other day as I am in my early thirties and have no children. I rent a house but would like to eventually buy one but whereas I have been with my man for nearly 5 years he doesn't want to live with me (I'm not that horrible honestly )

After nearly a year of beating myself up thinking I wasn't good enough I woke up one day and thought wait a minute he has lived with all his ex girlfriends but if he doesn't want to live with me thats his loss, we have managed to stay together this long without killing each other

On the kids front he has one but though I like kids I have never seen myself with one of my own unless I am going to be like one of those american ladies who has their first child at 80. That could be cool, I may even have sorted out my debts by then and won Lotto. All my friends have kids but I just feel happy for them

notisis

If children are a real dealbreaker for you but you want to wait with your OH then maybe think about some fertility tests or even freezing eggs. I let it drift too long and by the time OH was ready it turns out he had problems and by the time it was investigated my eggs are too few/too old and hence costly ivf with no guarantee of success. I too in my 20s thought everything would just "happen". Good luck!

Gavin83

pigpen wrote: »

Men are not known for their decisiveness and sometimes we do just have to say look.. this is what I want and it is happening.. they object a bit then think about it and usually agree.. they just need a bit of a shove occasionally.

Really? If the woman told me 'this is whats happening' I'd probably end it there and then, but at least they'd have an answer.

I do think you really need to sit down, discuss your priorities and see if this really is the right relationship for you. At the moment it sounds like he isn't too sure what he wants and frankly if you aren't compatible on such a massive issue then I can't really see any future for the relationship. Sorry to sound a little harsh, but it is probably the biggest issue to agree on.