Sometimes I feel I won't get things in life til much older

spaghetti_monster

It's funny but my original plan was pretty much exactly like yours Jo R....

And somehow in my version of it (when I was young), it all went a bit blurry after the early 30's. I was laughing about it with a colleague the other day... you have everything planned, all by-the-book (according to society). School-Uni-Career-Marriage-Family-House.... and then what about the rest of your life????!!!!
I find it really nice and liberating that life is not really about doing all these things "right". And also that you can discover new things, life is full of surprises...

Teenie_D

Hi redding!

Just going to put in my tuppenceworth!

In an ideal life you would settle down and have the nice house and 2.4 children, I would have loved that but I didn't marry until I was 27 and had my first baby at 31. We are ttc our second one at the mo and I will be at least 35 when I am due. We don't have our own home, we are renting (which really irritates me but we don't have teh deposit at the mo) I would have loved to have had our family well before now but I can tell you we partied, partied, partied and just generally enjoyed life and each others company.

In a way I am glad it happened like this, as I found your relationshp changes when a wee one comes along so at least we had that time beforehand.

I would say don't push it though, I have know this to happen and they end up driving their partners away. Good luck x

Mini_Bear

Hi OP if ur partner has said flatly they don't want to marry and they never want kids why are you still together?! Surely there is a guy out there who wants what you do too?
Sorry to sound harsh (im 24 too), and altho not wanting to hav kids anytime soon i made sure my partner and me wanted the same things in life.
It would be such a waste in 5yrs to be stuck with a house and mortgage, unable to split up cuz neither could buy the other out, neither of you wanting the same things and staying together becuase its all you have known.
A close friend at 35 has realised this recently and it is not pleasant (he is desperate for kids and has previously swept this difference with his partner under the carpet).
Obviously you don't need to do anything rash, but if you and your boyf really don't want the same things in life i would consider saving for a property independently!
Good luck OP whatever you do, i hope it wrks out

GEEGEE8

I feel the same! lol... but you know what? I've decided that later in life is probably a good thing.. How many people tell you that they wished they had waited to have kids? LOADS!

I think you are craving security, so maybe you need to talk to your OH and clarify a few things just to make sure you are both on the same road and want the same things eventually.

I'm 27 and I'm quite happy waiting 10 years to have kids.. altho if it happened I wouldn't be disappointed as such, but I have loads I want to do before kids.

Marriage - I would love to be engaged if I'm honest, and would happily wait a couple of years for the actual wedding.

Me and OH don't live together yet, been together 18 months and I'm not fussed, I like my space now I've got used to it. Myself and Ex lived together for 7.5 yrs, and we never had kids or got married, thank God, otherwise it would have been a nightmare.

Good luck! x

Fang_3

Why do you think that you can, or indeed should change him and bend him to your will? You're 24 for crying out loud. Get a grip!

sashadesade

If you've been together for three years and he won't even talk about the possibility of kids and marriage (and has actually stated at one point that he doesn't want either) then perhaps you should be a bit worried about the future of this relationship. What if he just keeps on saying 'someday' and that day never comes? I think you need to make him have a serious discussion about whether kids and marriage are something that is on the cards at all. Personally I've never wanted kids and made this very clear to my now-husband early on; I didn't see the point in developing a relationship with someone who wanted different things in life than I do.

hob

i am also 24 and feeling the house married baby bug, thankfuly he agrees with me. but i do think you shouldnt worrie to much we are saving like crazy people before we do anything drastic, so i most likely wont get to be a young and trendy mom. i to have this frear that ill hit 30 or something and the doctors will say there is no hope of me ever having kids...i dont even know why. any way my point is by the time we have sorted are selfs out it will problably be poping them out the same time as u!! or so is the plan...... worried that things wont go to plan but isnt that life any way?

oh by the way we are starting the 'big save' for the house in september aswell ;)good luck

Make-it-3

You can't live your life to a plan in your head about what is the "right age" to be doing everything or even doing stuff because it seems like everyone around you is doing it. It just doesn't work like that, as many examples here have shown.

Your OH is blatantly not interested in marriage or kids right now, and by dropping hints and constantly bringing up the subject is NOT going to change his mind on something so important (it may even turn him off more!).

What you do need to decide is:

Do you want these things right now, are you prepared to walk out of the relationship? (also bearing in mind you might not find someone else who does either)
If not, but you'd like to know if they are ever on the cards with OH, then have a straight-forward, no pressure conversation with your OH. If the answer is NO, then you need to decide whether to walk away, are happy to stick with him regardless, or prepared to stay around on the basis that one day in the future he may/or may not change his mind.

puffinmuffin

When is "too old" to buy a house, get married, have kids? I am 32 and have none of those things but i don't consider myself past the age when i will get them. I'll admit that it sometimes upsets me that i am not married when many of my friends are but that is just how it is. It isn't that i didn't want to own a house (which i did but don't anymore) and get married in my 20s but the person i was with didn't turn out to be the right one. My partner and I are still enjoying life without responsibilities but we have a shared plan for the future.
What's most worrying is that you have a plan but don't know if he shares it. I don't know many men of 24 who want to plan that far ahead!

Kate78

Life happens when we're making other plans