Ladies & Gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts ...

Sea78

I just got my kids back too Just need to go through the spellings with both of them and that's it.

Neither of them is hungry either so Soph has just asked for soup and William just toast!!
xx

benbenandme

Morning all, no snow here so off to school as usual :cool: Only 3 weeks left to go til we break up, I couldn't get to sleep for hours again last night, I just keep worrying about money, I really need to sort a plan, I either have to work a lot harder at the matched betting, although offers are very thin on the ground recently, or get back into ebaying, but that is a sticky area and may need a new account set up, which went a bit wrong last time I did it but either way, something needs to be done to help me sleep at night again

Off to mums for a roast dinner tonight, and ds has his tennis lesson after school too. Have a good day all

benbenandme

Morning all, another night where I can't sleep, been awake since 3 and gave up trying to get back to sleep in the end, gonna be a long day

hypno06

Not sleeping is par for the course, when you have big stuff going on, as you know - but you also know that it won't solve anything if you spend those hours repeating the negative thoughts that are coming to you.

Instead, remind yourself that you are resourceful, that you are excellent at budgeting, that you are queen of doing lovely, almost free, stuff that DS enjoys, etc etc etc....

Don't focus on what you can't do, or might not be able to do, or what *isn't* coming to you. Instead, focus on what you can do.

Your shortfall is not that great. OK, there is the emotion that goes along with all of this about "its not fair, it shouldn't be like this" but the fact is that it is. You can make the books balance, one way or another. You can do it while still being a good mother. You can do it while still having a life of your own.

Think positively - what have you got to lose by doing so!

xxx

benbenandme

I know you're right Hypno, I think I'm just so annoyed that I am unable to overpay anything on the mortgage anymore. I know that sounds daft as it is a luxury in the first place, but it has been a really big focus and aim of mine for a long time now and I have worked so hard to keep on track with it that its very frustrating to have to stop I also worry about additional expenses, I am find for covering the basics, but any extras such as haircuts, school uniform/trips, unexpected costs etc aren't covered in the budget and that worries me Sorry if I sound whingy, I just want to get my focused head back and crack on and deal with it, maybe once xmas and all the extra spending that goes with it is out of the way (and the sales :cool:) then I'll be more back to normal

Kittikins

Wise words Hypno, Benben, big hugs xx

Every month I have to try and plan as if my maintenance pittance isn't coming through as the ex is bad with money and it comes in when it comes so when "doing the sales" I'm a sad beggar and have come to enjoy only buying presents for others for birthdays/during the year (I already have some presents put by for DD's birthday.....in March next year!!) or buying DD's school uniform in advance.

It's not quite as much fun as buying lovely things for yourself, but you are still *splurging*

Keeping_Motivated

Hey you're not being whingy...this is what is really going on for you...you need time to accept that the ex has yet again had such a huge impact on your life without a thought of how you move forward after he drops the bombs!!! Then you have had to give up the mortgage overpayments which to you was not only a practical overpayment it was a sense of achievement which probably gave you some self worth and it was fun and exciting everytime you saw them figures going down, it represented your future because more choices can be made with a small or no mortgage....so he has taken that HUGE pleasure/achievement/choice away from you. So (for now) he has taken your feeling of being in control away, which I should imagine, when you are a single parent with only yourself to rely on, is massively important.

Next what ever is going on affects your son in many ways (even if he is too young to realise yet) and what mother doesn't feel like a lion when it comes to protecting our babies? So you are probably eaten up with resentment and anger for what he has done to your son and then is just allowed to carry on getting all the pleasure out of DS and appearing like the good guy when infact he is the guy who causing huge problems for you both....how can that leave you feeling content....

Then like you say it affects everyday purchases like haircuts and uniform and luxuries and thats a normal thing to worry about of course as it needs to be resolved somehow...

So maybe instead of lying awake all night you should get yourself a pad and start writing down your feelings, put it down there over and over until its all out and its not jumbling about in your head and getting exaggerated...then I truly believe once you have allowed yourself the time to grieve the loss of how things where that you will move forward in a practical and resourceful way.

So for now accept that its normal to feel so out of sorts and anxious and say to yourself this is understandable but it will pass and I will be able to sort this even if I don't like it, then you are sending a message to your body that everything will be ok rather than sending the message to your body that we are in danger so it will react accordingly and go into a state of anxiety..that is the way we are built...does that make sense?

Take care x

Sorry for the waffle.

benbenandme

KM, that is * exactly * how I feel, you've summed it up perfectly :T :T I know I need to adjust to the new reality and set myself some re-considered goals in terms of the mortgage. I know that I'm gonna be fine, just yet another change of plan with my goals, but once I've had time to sit and plan it properly then hopefully my mojo will return and I'll crack on again

Today has been a good day, we're very busy at school, spends today = £3.50 on fish and chips (part of a school activity) and £5 for a skittles night on thursday (another school activity). Other than that it was just £1 on lunch. Am now hoping for snow tonight to give us a day off school tomorrow

wendz86

Am a bit of a lurker but just wanted to say don't worry about having a moan every now and then, sounds like you have been through it. From the sounds of it you are a brilliant Mum and you will get there with the mortgage even if it is not the way you originally planned.

benbenandme

Morning all, I thought it was tuesday today so was a nice surprise when I realised we're a day nearer the weekend than I thought

Ds's activity in his advent calendar today is to watch the Polar Express together; he also has made a calendar for me and my activity is .... to go and watch some trains When I mentioned the fact that it wasn't really a Christmas activity, he replied "but it is, because they might have some pretty decorations to look at at the station!" So, think of me tonight, out in the cold admiring Network Rails festive offerings :rotfl: