Coffee and chocolate

miggy

I've been feeling a bit down, probably mostly due to tiredness but with a vague feeling I've been given bad news so I started to wonder whether there might be something I hadn't acknowledged.

I came up with a few.

A phone call from mum the other day asking brightly when someone was coming to pick her up. She has been temporarily moved to another room in the care home and it's disorientated her. It brings to light that her dementia is real and is progressing, though most of the time that's not too obvious just now.

Lots of big changes in church - these will be positive in the long term but it means coping with change and maybe (hopefully) getting more involved there, whereas for a while I've been a 'passenger' after being rather too busy in our previous church.

Home after holiday - yes that's a good place to be but all that sunshine, all that freedom!! And the feeling that I may have to wait a while to feel like that again.

That tinge of Autumn in the air - lovely in itself but winter's coming. DH and I agree we could do without November. Obviously I need to make plans how to get by without it!

Various friends with various problems.

Tired, tired, tired - and scared that if I can't be less tired I can't do this job. Do I want to go back onto days? NO! Working days is killing my self esteem, hence nights where I'm much more in control. I have been tireder than usual this week because I had a cold last week, and also I've been doing three nights instead of two. The third night is an extra £70 which I'm loathe to turn down but I need to consider how much I can do. At the moment I'm in management's good books - as far as I can be, they don't do a great line in affirmation - because they are struggling to cover nights and I'm helping with that. If money wasn't a consideration I would jack inthe job, but it is, and it also gives me something to fill the days when I would otherwise be down and the house would be too quiet.

Long post, this.

There is a smallish problem looming - we have guests to stay in October which as it approaches will stresss me quite a bit. I canmake that stress smaller by decluttering in advance - something I find truly difficult. It's so hard to judge what to let go. Easier to sort for someone lese than for myself.

Okay, need to go - DS after computer, I need to visit mum and make a lasagne for tonight and the lasagne will be late if I don't visit mum ealry - visits can take 3 hours (sigh).

Wordsmith

Hi, Miggy

Sorry you're feeling down. Sounds like it all stems from being over-tired. I'm sorry, too, for reading about your mother - she sounds rather like my late mum, so I can empathise with you. Why don't you give yourself a set number of "things" to declutter each day between now and October, then maybe it won't seem so overwhelming trying to do it in big chunks. Do you really need to declutter before they come - or are you making it harder on yourself? If they are visiting to see you, I'm sure they won't mind the clutter.

Hovel_lady

So sorry you're feeling down. Wish I could help. I could do some virtual de-cluttering if you like. It's something I do enjoy doing.
Big hugs xx

miggy

Thanks both of you.

HL, yes, please do me some virtual decluttering! I would love to see the results!

Wordsmith, yes, I think tiredness has a lot to do with it, especially as I feel better today.

I'm not good at doing things everyday - I think doing nights makes the following days so weird - but I am certainly going to try. 46 days counting today so even if I do one thing a day there will be less clutter but really I need to do more.

I'm afraid it really is a necessity as, although they're old friends and have been lots of times before, it's been a while and I think there's anew layer of clutter since! And they have to borrow our room, which is where I've dumped stuff that's been de-junked from elsewhere. It would be lovely to have a really tidy bedroom, which I could then decorate, but it will mean throwing things out which is an issue for me. I know in theory it will do us good and not harm but it makes me feel very insecure.

I wonder why I feel the need to hold onto things even when the person they remind me of is alive and well and has no further use for them?

miggy

Miggy's declutter an item or more a day for 46 days till 7th October list:

1. 23rd August pretty Christmas bag, plant label, handful of receipts, broken dried flowers (all rubbish shoved into a bag in a quick tidy!)

SouthernBellE*

Hi Miggy!

Thanks for your lovely e-mail, I know from your thread how busy you are so it was a pleasant surprise. It was just to explain my absence, say hi and let you know that I'm gradually catching up with you all again. E-mail me any time you like hun but only if & when you have time! I've seen the length of your numurous lists and I'd be very disappointed to see a 'e-mail SB' on any of your to do lists! (are you nuts???)

I'm glad you're due a couple of days off from work and hope you squeeze in some time for yourself. In a womans world, I know there really is no such thing as 'time off', it's merely a chance to catch up with jobs at home but following working a night shift, the day goes far too quickly with time for sleep factored in! (hindered further by noisy neighbours!) :eek:

My days and nights are also in reverse order most of the time, tired all day and wide awake at night! Surrounded by things that need doing but things I'm unable to get on with without disturbing those who are sleeping! With nothing to do but sit and think, I find myself overthinking and even the smallest worry becomes huge. The thing to do is recognise any warning signs of over anxiety and know when it's time to stop and rest. Worry, stress and tiredness are a lethal cocktail and although you have so many people and jobs you want to look after, you must take care of you too!

I think you juggle things brilliantly but none of us can fix every problem we have ourselves, let alone everyone else's. Cut yourself some slack and let go of some of the worries and know that you're not letting anyone down if you do, your friends know you still care but we care about you too, friends appreciate friends showing concern but would hate to think you stay awake at night worrying for them!! :eek: The idea is to prop each other up, not drag each other down, we all share our problems but don't expect friends to fix them, it's enough to 'offload' and vent about them to someone is all and who better to listen than a friend.xx :A

Most things can be overcome. 'Nothing in this wicked world lasts forever, not even our problems'. I think Charlie Chaplin said that & how true. (It might be a quote from Christopher Robin, Poohbear, piglet or any of poohs other friends...? Someone other than me said it originally anyway! :rotfl:It's waaay to deep a thought for moi!) :rotfl:

The sad thing about that though is the exceptional case when you know something won't get any better, especially when it applies to someone we love. I know it must be heartbreaking to see what's happening to your Mum and though I know it was a huge worry off your mind knowing she is being cared for and looked after, I know the worry for her is still there. Although circumstances are very different, I know how it feels from the worry I have for my son. We can't 'fix' them honey, we can only love them. Uncertainty of whats ahead can look far worse than it'll turn out to be and we'll both make sure we do our best for them along the way so it is the best it can be given the circumstances, it's all we can do. ((((((hugs))))))
:A

Anyhooo... Wet & chilly here today, good for me because it helps with the hot flushes! :eek: I'm also with you on the clutter and letting go of things.

:oThe 'hair'.... I'm not as worried about the getting the hair, it was the dithering I did after plucking the little plucker and the seconds I spent wondering whether or not I should put it in a keepsake box! :rotfl::rotfl:

I've been trying to declutter for years & no wonder!!! Do you know, I still have the stick I peed on from the pregnancy test I did from my son.....he's 20 now!

Please tell me you have too, I thought everyone did? Maybe my problems are bigger than I thought! Ah well, troubles only trouble if
trouble is troubling you as they say...am I bovvered!

Nah...just quirky!

SB
X
xxx

miggy

Thanks SB! :A

Fell asleep on sofa just now, proper sleep needed - hope you don't mind if I save replying till tomorrow? Got to laugh at your hair and the stick though - no, you aren't the only one!

SouthernBellE*

And there was me thinking I was an original quirk! :rotfl:

erm...do I mind you ask? Ummm, kinda the point I was trying to make in my post.

Put bluntly....ignore me & go to bed, I can't be clearer than that and don't waste time hitting the thanks button, go get your jimmy's on!

Sleep well

X

miggy

Oops, just missed you last night SB - I wasn't ignoring you, honest!

Isn't it nice having Mike's thread come to life again.

Looking back over your post yestrday, you have read me so well! I am a 'looker after' by choice, but there's only so much any one person can do. I am getting a bit better at knowing my limits... just a bit.

I have more or less decided to give myself some knitting to do - it will while away quiet time at work (there's only so much night time TV a body can take!) and if it's not too complicated I can knit by touch so my eyes won't get strained (the lighting isn't really good enough in the lounge at work but I'm afraid I gravitate to the sofa in there when not actually doing jobs).

I like your Charlie Chaplin/ Pooh Bear/SB quotation too. I seem to be going round telling people to 'wait three days' at the moment - because everything changes in three days. Not original to me either but I have no idea where I got it from. Anyway it sort of amounts to the same thing. I am a terror for letting things hang over me - perhaps I should go round saying 'it may never happen' about everything remotely negative. "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They toil not, neither do they spin. Yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was arrayed like one of these". (A favourite Bible verse learned when I was less than 11: how do I know that? Because that's the age I was given a more modern Bible translation! )

(I thought there was more to it than that so I went and looked it up and found "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I like the idea of tomorrow worrying about itself!)

And while on the subject of quotations. I've just looked up yours and yes, it's from Charlie Chaplin, though I couldn't see where he said it. I also found this: "It is a queer thing, but imaginary troubles are harder to bear than actual ones." (Dorothy Dix) which I thought was quite astute.

Oops, my day for being sidetracked. Ah, SB, you may not think you are deep but look where your thougths lead!

The sad thing about that though is the exceptional case when you know something won't get any better, especially when it applies to someone we love. I know it must be heartbreaking to see what's happening to your Mum and though I know it was a huge worry off your mind knowing she is being cared for and looked after, I know the worry for her is still there. Although circumstances are very different, I know how it feels from the worry I have for my son. We can't 'fix' them honey, we can only love them. Uncertainty of whats ahead can look far worse than it'll turn out to be and we'll both make sure we do our best for them along the way so it is the best it can be given the circumstances, it's all we can do. ((((((hugs))))))
:A

True... there have been people who've said to me that they don't know how I can do the job I do (though most of them don't really know what it involves) but really and truly, the hands-on part of my job is the best because I know that I am giving people a quality of life. One of my collagues used to earn big money in another field, took this job because of the recession and says it's the most worthwhile thing he's done. If we focus on the things we can't change we don't get to change the things we can.

And while I'm here may I say thanks for introducing me to some really interesting new quotations? Am off to have a meander through them...

Take care xx

miggy

Some thought-provoking stuff I came across while looking for SB's Charlie Chaplin quotation:

"Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity, nothing exceeds the criticisms made of the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed." (Hermann Melville)

That deserves a post of its own really - and to be someone's signature. It should be a banner headline across every thread on the Debtfree and Bankruptcy Boards. In a future technology it should automatically preface all posts by trolls... well, maybe that's a bit extreme, I do believe in freedom of speech. I might just use in reply to some troll some day though!

"Tragedy is a tool for the living to gain wisdom, not a guide by which to live." (Robert Kennedy)

***************

"Remember that all through history, there have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they seem invincible. But in the end, they always fall. Always." (Mahatma Ghandi)

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"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (Oscar Wilde)

Which is why Internet forums have such amazing people - in either direction.

(The exception of course would be those who use the Internet to groom potential victims - but even that is a revelation of self in a way).

And one last one for now:

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls. The most massive characters are seared with scars."(Khalil Gibran)

(All from http://www.criminalmindsfanwiki.com/page/Season+2+Quotes#fbid=fTNa6YdiRIc)