Problem with my son being bullied in reception year

meritaten

I think your husband is absolutely right. The school are failing to deal with this problem and tbh if YOU went into work each day and was hit, punched and your handbag flushed down the toilet - how would you feel? complain to the manager a few times, but nothing gets done and the perpetrator gets away with it? you would either leave or take legal action, or alternatively hit and punch back!
I really cannot understand why parents expect their small children to put up with behaviour they wouldnt put up with themselves!!!!
Take time off work and go into school and demand that action is taken to protect your son! and do NOT accept excuses (the child is from a broken home, has adhd etc). NO child should ever be treated like this at school and its down to YOU in the first instance and THEN the school, to ensure this doesnt happen anymore.
I really hope you can get this sorted before end of term hun, I would hate to think your little lad would have to go back after the holidays to more of the same.

Janepig

missimaxo wrote: »

I do know his mum, and she is not someone who I feel I can approach. Earlier in the year she was called in after school to speak with the teacher and afterwards I overheard her talking to other mums saying "hes only 4 and some of them are nearer 6" as he's got a late birthday in the year - but this is still no excuse.

I have to say I agree with her on this one. They're in reception !!!!!!. And whilst I would expect bad behaviour to be dealt with, I do think the word "bullying" is bandied about far to much. There always were and always will be certain children who are more badly behaved than others, and of course they shouldn't be allowed to spoil things for other children, however that's life. But I think some parents are a little OTT in their reactions.

It's horrible when your child comes home and tells you that theres been name-calling, or hitting, or whatever, but I've learned from experience not to get invovled in DD's battles because one minute she's upset at something someone has said or done, I've got upset, and then the next minute she's bosom buddies with them. The only thing I have told her is that she does need to toughen up a bit and basically tell people to get lost if they say something horrible.

And whilst the teddybear incident is not nice at all, the child who did this is four years old, that's all, just four, and I am assuming the school have punished him. He doesn't even legally need to be in school at this age. Are we expecting four year olds (especially boys) to be angels constantly now?

I think talk of moving classes, etc... is a bit OTT - so what if he moves classes and finds another boisterous boy there? Where then?

meritaten

Janepig wrote: »

I have to say I agree with her on this one. They're in reception !!!!!!. And whilst I would expect bad behaviour to be dealt with, I do think the word "bullying" is bandied about far to much. There always were and always will be certain children who are more badly behaved than others, and of course they shouldn't be allowed to spoil things for other children, however that's life. But I think some parents are a little OTT in their reactions.

It's horrible when your child comes home and tells you that theres been name-calling, or hitting, or whatever, but I've learned from experience not to get invovled in DD's battles because one minute she's upset at something someone has said or done, I've got upset, and then the next minute she's bosom buddies with them. The only thing I have told her is that she does need to toughen up a bit and basically tell people to get lost if they say something horrible.

And whilst the teddybear incident is not nice at all, the child who did this is four years old, that's all, just four, and I am assuming the school have punished him. He doesn't even legally need to be in school at this age. Are we expecting four year olds (especially boys) to be angels constantly now?

I think talk of moving classes, etc... is a bit OTT - so what if he moves classes and finds another boisterous boy there? Where then?

So, you find it acceptable that child of four is hit, punched etc? and your only advice is to tell them to get lost?

you think the term 'bullying' is bandied about too often? perhaps that is because it HAPPENS too often. but then you wouldnt term it bullying would you? what would you term it?

at four a child should KNOW not to hit punch etc another child. this should be taught by the parents and nearly all parents HAVE taught this - but then you get the occasional child who hasnt been taught it - and they make classmates (and teachers) lives a misery. Unless the school is prepared to deal with it at this young age, then that child goes on to become a school nightmare. just ask the teachers on here!

you may well take the non-involvement line with your own children - I do too when its just squabbles - but I draw the line at physical violence! I wont have it! any child who harms another while at MY house is sent to the naughty step. there are consequences for bad behaviour but schools are so reluctant to take them these days (in some cases) its no wonder that violence and bullying in on the increase.

Fang_3

Why was your son moved as well as the little !!!!? I would insist on a meeting with the head tomorrow and play merry hell. If she doesn't cooperate then make an almighty fuss in front of as many other parents as you can and humiliate her and the mother of the little !!!!. Your son shouldn't be the one being moved.

Janepig

meritaten wrote: »

So, you find it acceptable that child of four is hit, punched etc? and your only advice is to tell them to get lost?

Nope - however you can't deal with a four year old hitting another four year old in the same way as you'd deal with an adult who has hit a four year old. And I've told DD to say "get lost" if someone says something nasty. Because I'm not going to go wading into a playground squabble when they're all going to be pals again tomorrow and I end up looking like a tit.

Janepig

Fang wrote: »

Why was your son moved as well as the little !!!!? I would insist on a meeting with the head tomorrow and play merry hell. If she doesn't cooperate then make an almighty fuss in front of as many other parents as you can and humiliate her and the mother of the little !!!!. Your son shouldn't be the one being moved.

Wow, that'll work. Because you won't have your card marked by the teaching staff at all after that. In fact they'll love you for it and you'll be greatly admired by the other parents for causing a scene in front of them and their children. How dignified.

Fang_3

Janepig wrote: »

Wow, that'll work. Because you won't have your card marked by the teaching staff at all after that. In fact they'll love you for it and you'll be greatly admired by the other parents for causing a scene in front of them and their children. How dignified.

What's the alternative? Allowing the teacher to continue to ignore bullying? The teacher should be disciplined, and if the Head refuses to do something about it, then she should be disciplined to. But in the short term, kicking up a very large fuss will help protect the child here.

Bullies and those that can prevent bullying, rely on victims to do nothing so they can either continue to bully, or continue to allow bullying to happen.

PolishBigSpender

No, instead of all these "Talk to the head" tales, do the logical thing and teach your son to hit him twice as hard back. If he does this every single time the bully touches him, the bully will soon learn

(I'd suggest also telling the son to flush the bully's head down the toilet)

meritaten

once again I agree with Fang! there is a line to be drawn between playground squabbling and bullying - and YOU dont seem to realise that! hitting, punching etc is NOT squabbling! its physical violence (bullying). its NOT acceptable even for four year olds. I have known of 3 year olds excluded from nursery because of this.

mrcow

meritaten wrote: »

once again I agree with Fang! there is a line to be drawn between playground squabbling and bullying - and YOU dont seem to realise that! hitting, punching etc is NOT squabbling! its physical violence (bullying). its NOT acceptable even for four year olds. I have known of 3 year olds excluded from nursery because of this.

I've also known quite a lot of 5 year olds who have grown out of it during the reception year> year 1 summer holidays. Growing up a little can make a big difference when it comes to knowing how to behave and acting accordingly.

I do think an apology should be given. At age 5, he should be more than capable of writing one. Apologies are important and should not be underestimated.