Problem with my son being bullied in reception year

missimaxo

My son is just finishing his reception year at school. There is one other boy in his class who for the majority of this year has been bullying him. By bullying, it has been a combination of hitting? slapping/ punching/ kicking. None of which have left more than a bruise.

Now I know my son is no angel, he is a confident child and the bullying does not appear to upset him. But he does tell us of every incident the evening it happens.

We have reported the problems twice to his teacher and each time she has said that each incident is dealt with and that the child in question loses golden time, or his mother is told. But this hasn't stopped the incidents.

Yesterday my son had taken a cuddly toy in for show and tell and the bully put it down the toilet, along with 3 separate physical incidents. My husband has now hit the roof. We both work and a childminder takes our son to school, so he rung the school and spoke with the deputy head. At first she was fairly dismissive, but has now said she will monitor the situation and both children have been asked to stay away from each other.

My husband does not think this is enough. I have asked him what he wants and he wants an admission that the child in question is a problem and that they have failed to deal with it.

Des anyone have any advice as to what steps the school can take/ what we can do? I am torn as the school appear to be doing things but not enough to seem to satisfy OH.

Bufger

I dont think its the amount of action thats probably annoying him. For me it would be the lack of acknowledgement for the problem and the speed in which they're dealing with it. Its easy enough to solve, the teacher keeps them in seperate work groups and when they migrate towards each other the teacher just says 'Mike, Ike - you know you're not allowed to play together now you work over there and you work over there'.

I also would have hit the roof at the fact that this child is purposfully wrecking your childs belongings. A punch/slap can be reactional and hard to judge. Walking with someone elses posessions to the toilet to flush them is a hateful act and something that was obviously thought about for an amount of time - its the bit that shows this kid has it in for your son and something should be done about it.

Do you know how this kids parents have reacted? the problem with a childminder dropping off/picking up kids is that you never get to see the other parents. This childs behaviour could be easy to understand if you see his mum dropping him off whilst shooting up, smoking and swigging from a bottle of vodka. if she looks approachable and like a normal concerned parent it could be worth a chat so you can both discuss how you can get your kids to play nicely or stay away from each other.

clairehi

you need to go into school and meet with the deputy head. if necessary phone up and make an appointment.

explain that what they have done so far has not worked and the situation has got worse.

going in person to see them will show you are seriously concerned. it also gives you an opportunity to establish more of a relationship of trust with the school and to feel your way through the situation. it is difficult when you have a c/m dropping off and picking up, to get a feel for what is going on.

you should hopefully able to arrange to see them before school, so it minimises time off work for you.

I feel for you as my DS also suffered from bullying in Reception by a child with behavioural problems from a known problem family. we did not realise how bad the situation was until it got right out of hand and the school were pretty useless in dealing with it.

mrcow

It's not enough.

The child needs to apologise - in writing. I wouldn't be accepting anything less. And his parents need to be told.

Have you made an appointment to go in and get this sorted yet?

msb5262

mrcow wrote: »

It's not enough.

The child needs to apologise - in writing.

Has it occurred to you that most children in reception aren't really writing?

dobs

You need to speak to the head one to one about all this,by appointment, not over the phone where you can be fobbed off - if it still continues then contact the board of governors and let them know the school haven't dealt with it or acknowledged it properly. Good luck x

missimaxo

Thanks for the advice. We have not made an appointment yet, I am at school tomorrow for his summer concert so may be able to see her then. Apparantly they have spoken with both boys today and sat them in different places away from each other. We are also going to keep a diary of incidents so have specifics to go to them with.

My OH asked for the head today but she was out all day - hence the deputy. Have found out today that she will be his teacher (and the other boys) next year so at least she is aware of the problems already.

I do know his mum, and she is not someone who I feel I can approach. Earlier in the year she was called in after school to speak with the teacher and afterwards I overheard her talking to other mums saying "hes only 4 and some of them are nearer 6" as he's got a late birthday in the year - but this is still no excuse.

balletshoes

clairehi wrote: »

you need to go into school and meet with the deputy head. if necessary phone up and make an appointment.

explain that what they have done so far has not worked and the situation has got worse.

going in person to see them will show you are seriously concerned. it also gives you an opportunity to establish more of a relationship of trust with the school and to feel your way through the situation. it is difficult when you have a c/m dropping off and picking up, to get a feel for what is going on.

you should hopefully able to arrange to see them before school, so it minimises time off work for you.

I feel for you as my DS also suffered from bullying in Reception by a child with behavioural problems from a known problem family. we did not realise how bad the situation was until it got right out of hand and the school were pretty useless in dealing with it.

totally agree with this - my friend's 10-year old daughter was getting bullied and until my friend insisted on a meeting, in school, with the head and the other child's parents, the school were pretty dismissive of the whole thing. Once my friend had requested the meeting though, and had written to the school board informing them why she wanted a meeting with the head etc, only then did the school actively get involved in the situation.

Indie_Kid

Is moving classes possible?

pigpen

Other than these are children of 5 years old so unable to write a letter.. it is a futile exercise.. a letter means nothing to them. My 11 year old broke another childs nose at school a couple of years ago and had to 'write a letter'.. he handed it over and said if she EVER touched him again he would break her nose for her again.. She deserved everything she got.. she was nothing but an evil piece of spiteful nastiness.. and made the lives of several other children a misery.. she is still being horrible to some of them but steers well clear of DS now.. thank goodness.

We had been into school several times about our problems and nothing was done.. not a thing.. so I was fairly unimpressed when they wanted to punish DS3 for sticking up for himself when they were not prepared to be adults and protect my son.. granted he is a handful and who he is (he has aspergers) but that doesn't mean he can be the class punchbag!!

I agree with you as the parent going in to school.. surely your sons safety and happiness are more important than an hour at work.. the school can then see you are not happy and prepared to take big steps in order to protect him and keep him happy and safe. They don't go to school for this, they go to learn! they cannot like everyone and they need to learn who they can and connot get along with and find a compromise in that.. at 5 that is difficult as they do not have the reasoning ability or the understanding that others feel pain and emotion the same as they do.

Go in.. express you views firmly and insist something is done. If they do nothing the LEA have an anti-bullying dept. who you as a parent can call in to deal with the situation.. as a last resort this may be an option.

Obviously this other child is only 5 too so cannot be expected to fully understand the consequences of his actions.. but I think at least missing out on something 'fun' for a few hours is the least to expect.

Alye16

Having had a son who was bullied I would recommend writing a list of every incident with date and time of day if possible, then you can show this to the deputy head.Also ask to see their anti-bullying policy.