Parents at war!

pigpen

Try having 7 of the little lovelies and only getting one weekend a fortnight.. 6pm Friday- whenever his stupidness brings them home on a Sunday.. with breaks for stuff he has never in his 36 years been interested in.. rugby, car racing, and running a marathon... not to mention the salsa weekends!

Mine don't want to go with him on school days.. it is too much of a faff the older ones being at high school and having too much to lug about.

I've tried offering extra days during holidays etc.. but you cannot force him to have them.. i sometimes wish I could!!

Could you try a mediation service see if that gets you anywhere? Maybe hearing from someone impartial would spur him a bit.. or maybe your weeks could be flexible around his work if it is so changeable?

I think you need to sit down with him and battle it out.. I realise this is not easy and still if he won't then you'll just have to live with it.

She won't be little forever and it is easier once they get a bit more independant.

addictedtoshopping

Thanks everyone this has been a big help. No we were not married. She has started saying that she doesnt like daddy and his new girlfriend which worries me but maybe it because he only sees him for a few hours a week? Yes maybe i do get it better than alot of single parents but in my heart i feel it is not enough, i do feel like it is a chore for him to have her and that he uses work as an excuse. I know he lies to me about being at work as one night i asked him to have her, he said he was at work and i saw him driving around in his car (he works miles away from where i saw him so i KNEW he lied to me) which annoys me so much. Id rather he was honest.

I have told him i am finding it difficult to cope but he says there is nothing he can do.

He does work shifts so its not as easy for him i suppose but feel that he is taking advantage.

I dont know maybe i am being unrealistic to think that there is a happy medium! :$

Steel_2

addictedtoshopping wrote: »

Thanks everyone this has been a big help. No we were not married. She has started saying that she doesnt like daddy and his new girlfriend which worries me but maybe it because he only sees him for a few hours a week? Yes maybe i do get it better than alot of single parents but in my heart i feel it is not enough, i do feel like it is a chore for him to have her and that he uses work as an excuse. I know he lies to me about being at work as one night i asked him to have her, he said he was at work and i saw him driving around in his car (he works miles away from where i saw him so i KNEW he lied to me) which annoys me so much. Id rather he was honest.

I have told him i am finding it difficult to cope but he says there is nothing he can do.

He does work shifts so its not as easy for him i suppose but feel that he is taking advantage.

I dont know maybe i am being unrealistic to think that there is a happy medium! :$

You might find he's one of these people that find it tough to look after very young children and toddlers, but ends up being better when they get older and can do more together.

Some people really don't know what to do with smallies...

sock-knitter

i've been a single parent since my twin sons were 3 months old, they are now 15 yers, in all that time, they havent seen their so called father, he hast wanted to know them. i think you are so lucky to have one night a week free time, and should make the most of it having down time at 7pm

clearingout

it's amazing, isn't it? how we 'accept' that one parent has to manage having the children full time and be grateful for a few hours off, whilst the other can all but abandon the child and we're supposed to be grateful that they weren't totally abandonned? If I didn't look after my children properly, if I couldn't cope, Social Services would intervene wouldn't they? But my ex can walk out, go where he wants, do whatever he wants, and I'm supposed to be grateful for what he does do?

Something very, very wrong with our attitudes here....

red_devil

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

One night a week is a darn sight more than I got as a single parent - or even now I'm remarried! I had to pay for babysitters every time I walked out of the door.

Sorry, but I think you should count yourself lucky you get that!

why is she lucky its no more than you would expect for a father to want to see his child???????

lisaf

Hve to agree with red devil and clearing out here. Why on earth should the OP be grateful with 1 night a week?!!
My sister has also fought for 7 years for her scum of an ex to see her 2 boys (1 is autistic). He has made every excuse under the sun not to see them (including his family).
His Mum died recently and whilst I'm genuinely sorry about that (although they all treated my sister appallingly) he has said that as he's so upset and grieving etc that he cannot see the boys for the foreseeable future! And of course he's counting on my sister not saying anything as his Mum's just passed away!
I must add at this point that when we lost my Dad just after sis and him split up, on his mother's instruction, refused to look after the kids for the funeral etc - nice people eh?! He only did after my older brother had words.
OP- I really feel for you as it's something that I feel really strongly about. In America they call them 'deadbeat dads' don't they? Sounds just about right!
My nephews (10 & 9) no longer ask to see their dad as they realise even at their delicate ages that he just isn't interested.
Lisa x

Minxy_Bella

red_devil wrote: »

why is she lucky its no more than you would expect for a father to want to see his child???????

In an ideal world, every estranged father would want to see their child(ren) as often as humanly possible.

Alas, we do not live in an ideal world.

The father of my children hasn't seen them for five years - he is seeing them this summer, however. Whoop de doop!

The OP is lucky in that she's got a regular night off every week. Some women, such as myself, aren't so lucky as to have even that.

It's all relative, isn't it?

galvanizersbaby

Fang wrote: »

Again in fairness, the vast majority of parents would rather have the child full time, but for some reason this country doesn't start with a 50:50 custody split and work from there.

You can do this - I have something similar in place with my ex husband for our 2 children.

Obviously this only works if both parents are amicable and both want to spend the time with their children (so sort of opposite of OP's situ) - also logistics wise it works better if you are both living in the same town.

galvanizersbaby

pigpen wrote: »

Try having 7 of the little lovelies and only getting one weekend a fortnight.. 6pm Friday- whenever his stupidness brings them home on a Sunday.. with breaks for stuff he has never in his 36 years been interested in.. rugby, car racing, and running a marathon... not to mention the salsa weekends!

Mine don't want to go with him on school days.. it is too much of a faff the older ones being at high school and having too much to lug about.

I've tried offering extra days during holidays etc.. but you cannot force him to have them.. i sometimes wish I could!!

Could you try a mediation service see if that gets you anywhere? Maybe hearing from someone impartial would spur him a bit.. or maybe your weeks could be flexible around his work if it is so changeable?

I think you need to sit down with him and battle it out.. I realise this is not easy and still if he won't then you'll just have to live with it.

She won't be little forever and it is easier once they get a bit more independant.

Blimey No thanks! - stopped at 2