Parents at war!

gratefulforhelp_2

Its ironic that an absent parent can choose to see or not to see the child. It sounds like he is happy to be released from the full time responsibility and work involved with a child.

As has been said, why would you want to send your child to him that being the case?

I know its hard, but my DD1's NRP has never so much as changed a nappy or wiped a nose, let alone had her overnight.

Fang_3

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Its ironic that an absent parent can choose to see or not to see the child. It sounds like he is happy to be released from the full time responsibility and work involved with a child.

As has been said, why would you want to send your child to him that being the case?

I know its hard, but my DD1's NRP has never so much as changed a nappy or wiped a nose, let alone had her overnight.

In fairness the OP is trying to get more of a break from the same child. But this is what happens when people split up.

xmaslolly76

My Ex was the same when we first split up he would have the kids as little as possible blaming it on work when he was out with his new bit of stuff or just trying to be awkward as he knew i was going out somewhere. In the end he realised the only person missing out was him and the only person he was hurting was the kids so he started to play ball eventually having them two whole nights each week which were different each week due to his shifts but he even asks if he can have them extra nights now as he misses them. Your Ex may come to his senses eventually but i suppose it depends on his reasons for not wanting to see his daughter if its just to be awkward and make your life difficult then hopefully he will change when he realises what my ex did. If its the fact he just cant be bothered and he sees it as a chore to look after his own child you will be fighting a loosing battle im afraid and your probably best finding other solutions that will give you a break.

liney

Are you saying he only has her once a week for these hours, or are you saying that's the only time he has her over night?

I know a lot of people who would love a weekly night out, including me! And you do have down time after 7pm as you have said.

mountainofdebt

I might come across as abit harsh here, and I really don't mean to be, but if you'd said you wanted your ex to have more contact with your daughter because you wanted them to have a relationship then I could understand it.

However to force a young child onto someone who clearly doesn't want it, just so that you can chill (however much you need it) sounds rather selfish.

gratefulforhelp_2

Fang wrote: »

In fairness the OP is trying to get more of a break from the same child. But this is what happens when people split up.

You're right and its commonly the case that the mother ends up doing all the donkey work and not having a break.

It is very hard having been in that position myself and I sympathise, but if he is that unmotivated, will he look after the child properly?

Jo_R_2

I'll be honest here, I remember saying a similar thing not too long after my ex left. I was struggling working and looking after two very young girls all by myself, whilst he was swanning off living the life of riley and chopping and changing contact here, there and everywhere.

It IS hard, and I'll say frankly that as well as finding it hard, I was jealous of his freedom - living a young, free and single life, working part-time and contact - and any social life of mine - was dictated by arrangements for him to have DDs and whether he bothered to have them or backed out at the last minute.

You can't make him see her more if that's what you mean. I must say I don't know how it works with a court arranging contact (you don't say if you were married or not, sure someone will come along who knows more.)

If you are struggling, I'd try taking the frank approach. Tell him you are finding it difficult coping and would like to know how he could support you in looking after DD, be sympathetic to what he has said (even if you don't feel it!) about his work pattern but you really could do with a hand. Depending on how you think this would be received, you could suggest some ideas around his work hours to see what he'd be receptive to.

You may have to be prepared that he won't budge, either because he believes he can't because of work hours, or he just doesn't want to. Three years on my DDs see their dad once a fortnight from Friday evening to Sunday evening, and they miss him inbetween, but he won't/can't have them any more than he does even though I think they would benefit and I know they'd love it as they ask frequently why they can't see daddy this weekend when it's not their weekend to see him.

Fang_3

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

You're right and its commonly the case that the mother ends up doing all the donkey work and not having a break.

It is very hard having been in that position myself and I sympathise, but if he is that unmotivated, will he look after the child properly?

Again in fairness, the vast majority of parents would rather have the child full time, but for some reason this country doesn't start with a 50:50 custody split and work from there.

Becles

If he doesn't want more contact, you can't force him to take her.

My ex left me with two small boys. Although he only lived 3 miles away, he would take them out for a burger once every 6-8 weeks. It would be in the middle of the day and he'd bring them back within 90 mins or so, so I couldn't really go out and socialise or anything while they were away.

I know how hard it is, but you just have to make do and get on with it.

gratefulforhelp_2

Becles is right, you have my sympathy, OP it can be hard, but on the other hand you will get most of the good times with your child.