Massive family problems

RAS

Before you close that Facebook account, print the entire content off, as evidence. See if you can find evidence of contact with the father.

Sorry we cannot be much use but this case is so far outside the realm of commmon sense and others' experience that it is hard to work out what to say.

you say that

her family have been known to not get on with any of her partners, she did warn me when I got together with her that her parents like to pick arguments

But that they have arranged for the child to have access with his real dad.

Is the problem then that they like his real dad and do not want any other man in his life?

The other question I think you need to discuss with your wife is whether at any stage int he past her parents have cared for the boy because she could not cope at the time?

Debt_PostingID

RAS wrote: »

Before you close that Facebook account, print the entire content off, as evidence. See if you can find evidence of contact with the father.

Sorry we cannot be much use but this case is so far outside the realm of commmon sense and others' experience that it is hard to work out what to say.

you say that

But that they have arranged for the child to have access with his real dad.

Is the problem then that they like his real dad and do not want any other man in his life?

The other question I think you need to discuss with your wife is whether at any stage int he past her parents have cared for the boy because she could not cope at the time?

Facebook page already printed - took it to the meeting with us this morning.
They have put privacy on it, meaning we cant see much, just his name. However, the account is listed on real dad's facebook, and with grandparents and our son admitting to the facebook incidents, we know this is the right account. We have been told in great detail what he chats to his dad about. Bearing in mind 4 months ago he was scared of his dad, because of all the violence he witnessed towards his mum, etc.

When you pointed out about grandparents not liking my wife's ex partners, etc, this seemed weird to us as well. Real dad did things to the family such as attack their horses, steal from the house, even nearly killed one of my wife's sisters by driving like an idiot around the housing estate. 6 months ago they wanted to "kill" this fella for what he has done to them, and now they are inviting them round for his tea and to see his son..... unbelievable.
We wouldnt have a problem with it, if it wasnt for the fact that his dad is a sexually violent man, has hit the lad so many times (not in a punishment way, either) and still thinks he can stroll in and out of his life. I didnt know my real dad either, I know how difficult it can be to have people coming in and out of your life at that age. No wonder he keeps crying all the time, the poor boy is probably confused more than anything. And he has always been with his mum, apart from the odd occasion of babysitting. So its not as if grandparents can say they are the main carers, are "attached" to him, or any of the other excuses they have come up with over the past few weeks.
I'm just waiting for the false allegations to start up again.

We just want a quiet life, is that too much to ask?

By the way, where would we start to get an injunction? I'm led to believe its quite a long and hard process

Turtle

I can't offer you any advice I'm afraid, but I really wish you well with this. I've found it hard to read this as it has made me just so angry. There are so many people these days acting like complete !!!!!! and doing their best to ruin other peoples lives. I'd be sorely tempted to just refuse to let him see them. The SS have already said you're no risk and have evidence of their ridiculous behaviour. You may well have to pay for a good solicitor - it's too important to just leave to chance.

RAS

Hi


The OP here has problems with her ex and might be able to advise on the situation https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2549697

Is there an injunction out to prevent the ex having contact with the child?

I was a child in the sort of situation that your step-son is in, although slightly older.

One of the things that did my head in was that my mother kept taking me into situations where my father was present and I was in danger. I do not think I ever even told her when he threatened me and I certainly never told anyone else. Part of the process or absence of process was that as a child, I lived very much in the present. When I was not scheduled to be around him, I not exactly pretended but did not understand that as some time in the future it might happen again. I did not want to deal with it and would push the memory of what had happened away. So part of not talking about it was not wanting to remember it, hoping it had not happened.

One of my siblings was younger and if I was to mention what happened, even now, there would be shouting, massive movements around the room and between rooms, arms moving all over, desparately trying to get away and avoid the memories. As I have become more aware of my background and dealt with it, I have realised that those arms movement are literally pushing something away, brushing it to one side. There is however no cognative recall at all.

So when you or anyone else talks to your step-son, you are probably putting him back into a very scarey place, where he has to live with the scaredness but may not remember why he is scared.

Not sure if that makes any sense?

Fang_3

I think you need to take a back seat on this and let your wife do the fighting necessary. I also think you need to find the best lawyer you can, and by best I mean most knowledgeable and vicious. From what you've posted and taken at face value I have no doubt that you are the best influence in this boy's life, but you have to remember that you are not the father, or the grandparent and you have no legal right whatsoever to see this child. That is why I believe you should take a back seat and let your wife fight foremost. But the most important thing you need to do now is to get a lawyer. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I wish the 'grandparents' have a tragic accident.

Debt_PostingID

Fang wrote: »

I think you need to take a back seat on this and let your wife do the fighting necessary. I also think you need to find the best lawyer you can, and by best I mean most knowledgeable and vicious. From what you've posted and taken at face value I have no doubt that you are the best influence in this boy's life, but you have to remember that you are not the father, or the grandparent and you have no legal right whatsoever to see this child. That is why I believe you should take a back seat and let your wife fight foremost. But the most important thing you need to do now is to get a lawyer. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I wish the 'grandparents' have a tragic accident.

I agree with what you say, however I am more than just a step father. He has changed his surname when me and my wife got married, we also have a parental responsibility agreement, making me the boys legal guardian if my wife isnt around.

As everyone has told us (and we already knew this), the grandparents have no legal right to a child. They have to go to court to get that legal right, but then the judge would need to see that it is in the childs best interests etc.

What I dont understand is HOW is any of this in a 5 year olds best interests? What with all the distress it has caused him, etc, I cant see how this is beneficial for him.

His real dad turned up at the school again this morning, and I am sure he will be there again this afternoon. We have asked the school if we could take our son out early so as to avoid any confrontation at the school gates. The headmistress has gone to go and think about it, we'll know her decision later on. One thing we were told is "please dont call the police, we dont want a scene" - if they are turning up to take our son, what are we supposed to do? Of course we will phone the police!

Going to speak to the solicitor this morning about an injunction. I just think this is going to end in one big mess, with our lad right in the middle of it

muffintop

Glad to hear you are seeing a solicitor. A legal aid one can be just as tenacious as a non-legal aid one. The GPs will need the court's permission to make an application as they do not have parental responsiblity. At this stage, you can argue against them having permission to do so. You may need to get an order to stop them taking the boy from his mother's care and to stop them and the father from going to the school.

Social services can't force you to make the child have contact with the GPs and don't sign anything from them without legal advice first. If they are supporting the GPs application for residence, they should have a seriously good reason why. Often it's to avoid them using their money to have care proceedings.

busiscoming2

OP - you speak of the biased social worker. I dont know if it is applicable in this sort of scenario, but would the court not appoint a Court welfare officer to visit and speak to all parties, including the child and submit their report and findings?

Mojisola

I'm horrified at what you are going through. What is the justification for making the lad go to the grandparents every weekend? Very few children see their grandparents that often for that long!

pske_lisa

My post too is of no use but I hope you and your family the best of luck x