When will this end.......

izzybusy23

dontknowwhat2doanymore wrote: »

Hi everyone, I got so much help with my last thread, I thought here would be a good place to update and get some more help please.

First off ex has got his own place, however it is only a street away. After he left things were amicable for a while. After him being away for a few weeks my mum had the kids over night, so I had some friends round. We went out to the pub for half an hour, when we returned ex had 'broken' into the house and threatened to smash my face in, I oushed him out the door and phoned 999. The police warned him and he was sent on his way.

The next morning I wake up at 7.30 and find him stood over my bed!!! Kicked him out again, within ten mins he was phoning me saying he was sorry about the night before etc wanted everything to be alright for the kids, so we left it at that.

Roll forward to this weekend just gone, he asked if he could take the kids to his dads on Sunday so I agreed. As it was warm I was wearing a dress, I then started to put his had up my dress, grope at me and run his erection against me. I told him to stop it and it was inappropriate to behave like that and he just said 'well your single aint ya, so it's not a problem'. !!!!!!!!! I threw him out yet again.

The next morning I contacted him as he had the kids car seats and I needed them back. I then told him that I was seeing someone, I then get called every name under the sun, told me he wants DNA tests and he hates the kids.

He has come round today to see my oldest DD who is 6 (was off school today), and youngest DD2 who is 3, threatened me again, shoved me and kicked a hole into an internal door, all infront of the kids. DD was terrified, when I went to phone the police he stopped and said 'you phone and you wont ever get a penny off me'. I threw him out yet again and phoned the police- still waiting for them 8 hours later.

I have already decided he wont be allowed in the house to see the kids again, they should not have to witness this!! He has now decided that I am an alcoholic, an unfit mum and he is gonna go for full custody of the kids.

Arrrgh my blood is boiling, because he knows he cannot hurt me anymore he is trying to get to me through the kids. I thought went he was being nice he might have grown up, but hey ho looks like the sols are gonna have to sort this out.

Sorry for the long rant, I just wondered if any others have been in a similar situation how did it end up with your ex? Did they eventually grow up or not?

Many thanks

xx

Sounds like my ex. He is constantly accusing me of having a new man in the house; I get called all sorts of names then threatened with witholding child support payments to me, contacting the tax credits to tell them I am defrauding them, to tell the letting agents I am breaking the terms of my lease as its not just me and DD living there; say I am parading this mystery man infront of our daughter and screwing with her head... it goes on and on and on. He left me; not sure if the grass isn't greener on the other side now or not, but it seems that I am not allowed to move on otherwise there are constant accusations and harassment.

Only today he missed our DD's sports day as he got the time wrong and it was all my fault, he was going to contact my solicitor and tell her I had tricked him into it being at a different time, then the slagging me off (texting me 'f*ck off fatty' in response to one of my texts) and all the accusations starting again. I am sick of it. He is a mummy's boy, always has and always will be as she thinks all of his past girlfriends are b!tches and in the wrong and her son is the victim and being used. :cool: So no, I don't think these kind of 'men' ever grow up.

My darling husband finished our marriage by text and was going to collect his stuff whilst I was out of the house and has never actually spoken to me face to face regarding issues since the day he left, its all been via text or emails ... a very cowardly man indeed, so good riddance!!

Edited to say: my ex was asking about a mark on my DD's face; insinuating that I had done it or this mystery man had done it.. and god help us both. Even though my ex hasn't actually lashed out at me or god forbid let himself in my house (although he refuses to give me the key back), i have been told to note down everything he says to me as it is emotional abuse and using my DD in some of it.

myothercarisaferrari

how did he get into youe house?

Sharlee

Good, if he's arrested and charged there will be bail conditions not to contact you until he goes to court. What happens now depends on whether he admits to what he's done, and any action by the police or court will depend on his previous criminal history.

In my area they are now attaching restraining orders to sentences, this will mean that you do not have to be responsible for getting your own non-molestation order.

If he wants contact with the children in the future, let him make his own application to a family court. If there are previous allegations of DV, the court must hold a fact finding hearing before they decide what is in the best interests of the children.

It may be hard not to feel guilty, but you've acted in the best interests of yourself and your children and that's the best you can do. Well done.

Regards

Just reread your first post and you said that he shoved you. Is there not also a charge of common assault too? Also regarding your daughter making a statement, the police do not like to do this to young children but some children find it cathartic to do so. That's your decision what is best for your daughter.

dontknowwhat2doanymore

Thank you for all your replies; well he was arrested at today at 6am. He was interviewed and admitted the shoving and damage to the door. He stated that the sexual assault was a slap on the bum!!!
The police have let him off with a caution for common assault and criminal damage. The CPS advised that it was not worthy of trying to convict for the sexual assault.

The police officer has phoned me all day to keep me updated, and has advised he is allowed to come to the house, but he has advised ex to only use it as a base for pick up and drop off.

This is the first time he has been arrested, and I think the whole experience will -hopefully- make him realise that I will stand up to him and will not allow this to happen again.

Just to address some points-
myothercar- the police think that he took a key when he left which is why he got in that night, they told me to leave the key in the door that night. Ex claims the next day he put his hand through the cat flap to unlock the door??? I didnt believe it and one of my mates came round the following weekend to put some bolts on the door.

izzybusy- its horrible when all they do is blame you for everything, it really upsets me that ex has more respect for strangers in the street then he has for me as I used to genuinely love him with all my heart. I have also been told I am seeing a good mate of mine, as he was here- with others, the night it kicked off and as he works away during the week he would text to make sure I was OK and would sometimes stay if ex had been sending abusive and threatening texts. Staying strong is hard but its all we have in this situation, sending you hugs xxxx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

If he's accepted the caution, he now has a criminal record for domestic violence.

Anything he tries from now on will be seen in the light of his having previous.

So he has given you more ways in which to deal with him, including applying for an injunction (or whatever it is called nowdays).

You're getting ahead.

dontknowwhat2doanymore

I have just had a phone call off a lovely woman from Victim Support, she was so nice and helpful, she has arranged for someone to come and do a home security check for me and is sending me a personal alarm. She also offered to arrange for me to speak to someone if I need to, at the moment I can't afford to think about anything other than finishing my last assignments, so she has arranged to phone me next week to check how I am doing and to see if I then need any support.

Im in tears now, after reading the support I have had on here and with that phone call, everyone has been so helpful and kind and supportive.

I can't express how much everyone has helped me, thank you all so so much

xx

GEEGEE8

Keep going, you are doing so well!

Nobody deserves to be threatened like that.

I really hope you find someone one day who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.. x

Primrose

May I give you a word of advice. Don't tell your Ex about any new relationship you might have. Firstly, it is none of his business and it will only serve to inflame passions and anger. Keep him completely out of your life and only communicate with him on essential issues that relate to your children.

clearingout

delain wrote: »

Yes, I have, and no, he didn't.
QUOTE]

LOL at that! Would say exactly the same! In fact, they get worse.. the trick, I think, is to work out what winds them up and then avoid that as a topic of conversation, or behaviour like the plague....only way I ever get a quite life is to learn to keep my mouth shut about money! :D:D

seriously, OP, he's trying to rattle you. Keep calm - he wont' get residency of the children. Let him take you to court - there are plenty of people around with experience who can help guide you through it. It's not the nightmare you might think - just a very slow process.

dontknowwhat2doanymore

Thanks all of you, but I can't ever see myself being in another relationship. I have a close friendship with a male friend but ex nearly ruined that, by accusing us of seeing each other etc, it's not just him my ex had a problem with my, he hated my best mate as well I now see that he was trying to isolate me. But I was talking to my male friend about meeting someone else and I feel like I wont be able to fully trust another man. I know my feeling might change one day but I can't see myself letting another man get close enough to me to hurt me, because of what has gone on I think being in a relationship with anyone would be unfair as they would not get the real me IYGWIM.

But then again if a good looking millionaire was to knock on the door lol.

xx