teenage daughter

pigpen

If mine are really bad.. they are sat on a chair and ignored entirely until they have been there for 5 whole mean minutes without speaking/whining/fidgetting/moving etc.. believe me it is a LOT harsher than it sounds!

Errata

michellenealemum wrote: »

she has jobs in the house, she unloads the dishwasher they both help to set the table and get things out for tea,
what can you do with the back chat i've tried everything charts rewards taking things away

Have you tried 'How dare you speak to me like that - up to your room now and stay there until you're ready to apologise' ?

michellenealemum

yes i have said the
how dare you talk to me like that, don't send to her to her room {too many goodies}
so she usually sits on the floor in the same room as me telly off its works for a bit days then slowly creaps back in
we have won the door slamming war and the stamping upstairs,
if she slams the door she comes back through it 10 times doing it nicely
if she stamps upstairs the same up and down 10 times,
tonight she screamed all the way up {new} so i made her come back and 10 times up and down she did moan saying i had changed the rules so i responded that so had she
so perhaps if she backchats press ups and run around the garden {thinking that might be good lol}
if it works
at the moment both girls are talking and even playing nicely as if nothing happened she is going to scouts but she isn't taking her phone or ipod to school tommorrow {she is gutted about that}
kids

pelirocco

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

It's normal. Take a deep breath and keep calm. They'll grow out of it in a couple of decades. (Hopefully!)

Then they have kids of their own and you can laugh your socks off, trust me its worth the wait:rotfl:

Minxy_Bella

pelirocco wrote: »

Then they have kids of their own and you can laugh your socks off, trust me its worth the wait:rotfl:

I know - I can't wait!

ManOnTheMoon

Ahhh, the lovely teenage daughter. Be firm, be fair and don't back down.

xmaslolly76

It must be the age gap mine are 8 & 12 and they fight like cat and dog most of the time and no matter what i do they wont stop it. I'm gonna have my name changed to NO as well that way when they come asking for things in that really annoying wineing tone after being naughty they will answer their own question.

pandora205

This does sound very normal but very irritating and tricky to deal with. In this state, we tend to get emotional and hence the shouting and swearing, which is obviously not good for you and a poor example for them too. Stopping the scouts may be counter productive, as it is exactly the sort of activity that develops responsible behaviour, so if its not too late another sanction may be better.

However, a better approach would be to have a family meeting and to sit down with both girls (and anyone else) and talk about what is going well and what is not. Let everyone have their say, and include in yours that you need to have them help with chores and that the arguing makes everyone miserable (and hopefully some good stuff too). Get them to help you problem solve how to tackle these - they may suggest reward systems, rules or sanctions. They may also suggest them for you if you are prone to shouting and swearing! And be prepared for other gripes too!

This type of approach gives the opportunity for everyone to have their say and encourages the children to think to their own solutions rather than relying on you to sort out their disagreements.

Edit: To add some practical ideas, here is a link with some of the materials for Families from the Primary SEAL (Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning) resource. If you scroll through this there are lots of ideas for building relationships and friendships, including the 'Peaceful Problem Solving' approach used in schools and suggestions about having a family meeting:
http://nationalstrategies.standards.dcsf.gov.uk/node/65994?uc=force_uj

michellenealemum

pandora205 wrote: »

This does sound very normal but very irritating and tricky to deal with. In this state, we tend to get emotional and hence the shouting and swearing, which is obviously not good for you and a poor example for them too. Stopping the scouts may be counter productive, as it is exactly the sort of activity that develops responsible behaviour, so if its not too late another sanction may be better.

However, a better approach would be to have a family meeting and to sit down with both girls (and anyone else) and talk about what is going well and what is not. Let everyone have their say, and include in yours that you need to have them help with chores and that the arguing makes everyone miserable (and hopefully some good stuff too). Get them to help you problem solve how to tackle these - they may suggest reward systems, rules or sanctions. They may also suggest them for you if you are prone to shouting and swearing! And be prepared for other gripes too!

This type of approach gives the opportunity for everyone to have their say and encourages the children to think to their own solutions rather than relying on you to sort out their disagreements.

Edit: To add some practical ideas, here is a link with some of the materials for Families from the Primary SEAL (Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning) resource. If you scroll through this there are lots of ideas for building relationships and friendships, including the 'Peaceful Problem Solving' approach used in schools and suggestions about having a family meeting:
http://nationalstrategies.standards.dcsf.gov.uk/node/65994?uc=force_uj

that sounds great when i started this thread kids where upstairs but eldest came down i told her what i had done and when she comes home from scouts i am going to let her read it all
do you fancy moving in for a couple of days impartial person lol
my hubby has just gone onto the night shift he works 7 day patterns 3 days 4 nights then off for 3 then 4 days 3 nights and off for 4 the girls always seem to be worse when he on his nights its more stress for me cause i do it all the get up and the bed time and they miss him but thats his job and nothing can be done so we will have to learn its hard when only one

Sneezy

Sounds exactly like me and my sisters a few yrs ago (we would have been 14, 13 and 8) my mum used to record our argument(s) and play it back to dad (who would be disappointed to say the least!) or ring my Nan while we were still arguing - my Nan and Grandad always believed (still do) that we could do no wrong!!

The worst were the physical fights where we would all be hurt and no one talking to each other & my mum would just be bemused - they were usually with me and middle - I'm the oldest!

Should prob add that it didn't go on all the time - just pmt week - could it be because your daughter is having mood swings?