living together v marriage

System

See what I mean? Mother can do no wrong.

Me and Trafalgar are in the minority because of the fact that decisions made by the courts have been so one-sided for so long. Most people have grown up with this situation and therefore are so used to it, it's become the norm.

No one thinks of the father.

Like I've already said, before someone jumps in, there are guys who should never be allowed near their kids.

I'm not trying to defend their rights as they don't deserve any.

Fran

Why is everyone so keen to defend marriange when there is such a high divorce rate?

People change, not least when they have children (which is a hugely important part of a relationship). How many people check - really check - what the views of their partner are towards bringing up children and what methods they would use and what attitudes they have?

It seems an odd thing to get married and then see how things work out when you have children later. Perhaps no-one should be allowed to marry until after they have had children for four years.

The big party or the small commitment ceremony, it's easy to get carried away with the idea of marriage. Then it ends up in misery and divorce! At least if you're not married, even though you might not be financially as well off, you can walk away (though obviously a long term relationship would mean it is not easy). Does the financial benefit really matter? Is that what counts in life?

I'm not married, but no-one's ever asked me either. (Wonder why?! ;D)

I hope Pal reads this. ;D

trafalgar_2

"Why is everyone so keen to defend marriange when there is such a high divorce rate? "

Optimism ;D

Sarahsaver

I didnt mean that mothers can do no wrong. I know a man whos a single parent because the little boys mum is probably too comatose to even remember she has a child. I think the days are gone when the court looks favourably on the mother automaticall. Anyway as for the original debate, I would think being married is more secure emotionally and financially - in an 'ideal world'. Like you say, optimism!

likabu_2

See what I mean? Mother can do no wrong.

No one thinks of the father.


Anyone read the NOTW yesterday? There are plans to let under 5s live with their criminal mothers in prison!!

Totally agree with ya on the courts in this country, fellas have a rough deal.

Lisa

panicos_2

My mother and her partner lived tigether for 25 years. When he lost his job they claimed together as husband and wife both their names were on the book. He died suddenly and when my mum went to social they told her she could,nt claim his pension she would have to sighn on in her own right. He also had a private pension she couldnt claim for that either. Makes you laugh that when he was alive they could claim as man and wife but the minute he died you could,nt. My mum has since learned that had she changed her name to his by deed poll she could have had a stake in his pension. She did appeal against this and was still refused, I,m not saying get married just make sure that you have both covered everything financially just in case !!!!!!

System

I,m not saying get married just make sure that you have both covered everything financially just in case !!!!!!

and just in case....... get married. ;D

cuteusmaximus

While there are no guarantees in life, 17 years together is a pretty good indication that you are compatible.

Don't know if you are this way, but a lot of people seem to resist getting married in order to be nonconformists or thumb their nose at "God/society." Such people may have actually been making statements 30 years ago, but now no one really cares or is shocked by cohabiting couples. Indeed I've encountered a lot more shock from people that my husband and I did not live together before we got married.

I suggest you get married to cover your bases. Most likely it will be a "piece of paper" as you suggest, but that piece of paper can spare you a lot of misery later on.

And if being a nonconformist is your thing, don't change your maiden name. People will still think you are "partners" but you will be legally married.
That's what we have done. You'll still have that infinitesimal section of England that will huff and puff at you violating tradition.

CM