living together v marriage

16011996

i know you wern't lisyloo, just i wanted to say what you said but couldn't think how to put it. :-/

trafalgar_2

And I did say..........."just kidding" :-/

lisyloo

Yes I know you were

I can understand the reason why people wouldn't particularly feel the need to get married but that's different from having an objection to it, which implies to me that there is something not quite right (after a long period of time).

I lived with my partner for about 7 years before deciding to get married.
Personally I didn't really feel much need for ourselves, but I certainly felt that the way we were treated by family and society as a whole was different.

I now actually like the status of being happily married and I'm very happy to give my title out as Mrs whereas before I used to give an indignant "none of your business" when I was asked miss or mrs

Sarahsaver

I would NEVER have a joint account. You always need to be able to stand on your own two feet if needs be. And you never know anyone 100% Its a lottery. If you have doubts about marriage you shouldnt live together either. It is a commitment.
Im stuck in a house with the ex's name on the mortgage, unable to change to a discounted rate,because of delays to court hearings caused by his faffing about. (allegedly )
I think in some ways you have more 'rights' if you are single. You can get shot of a bad apple a lot quicker and easier if you arent married. Unmarried fathers do NOT automatically have parental responsibility by law, even if they appear on the birth certificate.
If I sound bitter, well Im not, just speaking from bad experiences, luckily I came out of them stronger and better as a person. Some people achieve their lifes ambitions as part of a couple. They are lucky, in some ways...

16011996

for me i was lucky we were married as my husband worked for the government and i get a small widows pension from some policy he took out through his work, as we had been married over 5 years. also everything became mine when he died, and it was simpler to transfer things into my name than for some of my friends who lived together then split up. all i will say is do what feels right for you. only you know whats meant for you. if it doesn't feel right don't do it. we don't have instincts for nothing you know (as my mother always said.)

lisyloo

Unmarried fathers do NOT automatically have parental responsibility by law

Not sure what you mean here by "parental responsibility" here.

They certainly have financial responsibility.
The CSA was invented to chase errant fathers for money and they certainly chase unmarried ones or are you is there a specific legal meaning for "parental responsibility".

Sorry, just not clear on it.

As far as joing accounts go, I work a similar system to many couples.
We have our own personal accounts, but have a joint account for food and household bills.
We simply put a lump sum in the joint account each month (for phone,water, gas, electric, food etc) and we find that makes it easier to manage our personal money.
We have money put by for the household items and can then manager the rest of our money personally without having to be in each others pockets all the time.

This works very succesfully for us and I belive a number of other couples do something similar.It is simply not practical to consult each other every time you want to buy a Mars bar.

jockettuk

my now ex husband and i lived together for 9 yrs got married and within 18 months had a child and within the next 5 years we drifted apart mainly because i feel that as a family we had less in common than we did as as a couple.. we couldnt do the things we used to do and we couldnt do things on impulse.. (babysitters etc you have to plan in advance) we are divorced now and both with new partners he living with his.. We both have a share in the matrimonal home that im living in and when sold will have a equal share (he paying morgage as part of the maintenence agreement) I dont want anything from him now or in the future but i want my daughter to get what she would be entitled to if he died.. and if that meant overturning a will i would do so..

I would only get married again for security as in some of the things people have said earlier and also things like automatic rights to pensions etc..

in reality if you have children it is better for them and for the father if your are married that way the parental rights come into effect  if no children involved and all your finances are in order then why get married  if your happy stay as you are and stay happy..

16011996

jockett uk, whats a lift to short for?

Sarahsaver

Parental responsibility is a legal term. ::)
http://europa.eu.int/comm/justice_home/ejn/parental_resp/parental_resp_gen_en.htm
Its not the same as the obligation to provide financial support.
Yes we do have instincts, some men dont turn bad until there are children on the scene, then it's RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! (and your kids!)

lisyloo

if no children involved and all your finances are in order then why get married

Your finances would have to be in very good order to make up for all the benefits you get.
For example widows pension etc.

But as said before I don't think anyone should get married for the financial benefits alone.

Also your wills etc, form of tenancy and all sorts of things have to be in order.
Most people are not that organised,