More info needed on DD and Dad contact

maggied_2

Pigpen - depending on the seriousness of the incident Izzy has mentioned would that be grounds for witholding access without the address?

It does sound as though the residency order is a good idea - but how would the police intervene if they don't have an address? I'm not being confrontational, I'm genuinely asking

OP - it's a tricky one - between what is morally and legally 'right'. You have to ask yourself "what is in your daughter's best interests"? (the angle the courts take btw). Is she enjoying the time she spends with her dad? Has a routine been established yet? How long haas the access ben organised and has he ever given you cause for concern outside of 1. The incident and 2. the address witholding?

izzybusy23

maggied wrote: »

Pigpen - depending on the seriousness of the incident Izzy has mentioned would that be grounds for witholding access without the address?

It does sound as though the residency order is a good idea - but how would the police intervene if they don't have an address? I'm not being confrontational, I'm genuinely asking

OP - it's a tricky one - between what is morally and legally 'right'. You have to ask yourself "what is in your daughter's best interests"? (the angle the courts take btw). Is she enjoying the time she spends with her dad? Has a routine been established yet? How long haas the access ben organised and has he ever given you cause for concern outside of 1. The incident and 2. the address witholding?

Hmmm good Q's. She does enjoy time with her dad; a routine isn't established as such because its always up in the air and we were trying to establish some sort of routine. When he left (or I kicked him out as he keeps trying to say to deflect the blame back at me) he didn't see her for over 2 weeks, didn't text to ask me how she was, nothing. I think he saw her for a couple of hours after 3 weeks; and only 6 hours in total out of 6 weeks. This was originally recorded in my solicitors letter but as we were trying to sort out contact, I asked her not to send it.. doh, should had let her send it!! He hasn't given me any cause for concern; maybe its my time to be paranoid... I simply do not trust him.. in my previous post I said about him keep going on about me and some new bloke and DD's 'new dad'.. there is no new bloke, he built the scenario up in his head and he got quite nasty about it, threatening to tell the tax credits I was defrauding them by claiming single person and that he was living with me, threatening to tell the letting agency I was breaking the terms on the tenancy as this bloke was living with me, grilling our DD or lying to me saying that DD had told him she had a new dad, thinking I was taking this mystery bloke along on a day out with me and my DD and said he would turn up and there would be a 'blood bath'.. all his words, so yes, his mindset worries me.. as it has done in previous years!

minimoneysaver

You could be a bit devious and get a friend to follow him. I'm sure that'll bring up results pretty quickly. If he won't cooperate by giving it you and there is no good reason not to, then surely that is the next best thing?

pigpen

maggied wrote: »

Pigpen - depending on the seriousness of the incident Izzy has mentioned would that be grounds for witholding access without the address?

Possibly not now after the period she has been going.. it isn't like it is new information. if he were to be involved in a violent or sexually based attack it may be able to stop access now but it would have to be proved he posed a threat to the child.

the police could access the information from any database they had access to.. car records for example.. if you know his registration number they can get the address from that..

I would have someone follow him..

oooh.. how about.. the school NEED his address for their contact records should you be unable to be contacted in an emergency.. that is a fairly realistic scenario..

maggied_2

pigpen wrote: »

oooh.. how about.. the school NEED his address for their contact records should you be unable to be contacted in an emergency.. that is a fairly realistic scenario..

That's a good one - I like the idea of following. I know someone who did that to ascertain that her husband wasa having an affair (he was).

peachyprice

Izzy, what happens when he has her? Does he pick her up at yours or do you drop her somewhere? Have you got a friend who he wouldn't recognise that could follow him?

One thought, being unwilling to give his address may be nothing to do with another woman, it might be that he's staying somewhere entirely unsuitable to take a child i.e a hostel, house sharing with druggies, a dingy little room somewhere. You really need to know that he's taking her somewhere safe, this could be the key to getting him to tell you, if he thinks you think she's not safe with him he might give in.

gratefulforhelp_2

Definitely do not give contact other than at your home if you do not have his address.

If the relationship between you is this way, do not communicate with him by text (too much scope for misunderstanding) and seriously consider whether verbal communication is appropriate.

My ex has a history of dreadful and outrageous lies and so I only communicate with him by letter (history of events if we ever go to court)
If (as he often does) he ignores this rule, I ask him to put it in writing, which is a good test of whether the communication is necessary and something he would be proud of in court.

Now this is not a relationship to be proud of between two parents, but its the one we have.

As long as you allow contact at your home until he provides you with a verifiable address, you are squeaky clean.

eta before I get flamed by fathers for justice, XH left when baby 3 months old, without leaving a forwarding address.

izzybusy23

pigpen wrote: »

Possibly not now after the period she has been going.. it isn't like it is new information. if he were to be involved in a violent or sexually based attack it may be able to stop access now but it would have to be proved he posed a threat to the child.

the police could access the information from any database they had access to.. car records for example.. if you know his registration number they can get the address from that..

I would have someone follow him..

oooh.. how about.. the school NEED his address for their contact records should you be unable to be contacted in an emergency.. that is a fairly realistic scenario..

Thats a good idea, however, knowing the ex he would contact the school and demand that they don't give out his information. He did it whilst I was in the bank trying to sort out out the joint loan and account and I could hear him over the phone giving the poor bank clerk a right grilling over his new mobile number and not to give it to me.

Hmm.. he was due to see DD tomorrow. I will see if he contacts me about it and whether he has had chance whilst out with his brother on the lash tonight to think about things and see if he will give me his address. I'm not holding out much hope though.

Will update tomorrow. Thanks for all your help today; still in a quandry and wondering whether my over active imagination is now getting the better of me and not letting me think rationally. I can't help thinking he has taken everything from me, my marriage, my dignity, my future and everything we worked towards and I am worried he will take my DD from me...

gratefulforhelp_2

Lots of love, honey. He can't take your DD from you.

You cannot let her go to someone who will not give you a verifiable address.

It's a fact, and I'm not involved or biased.

Hugs.

izzybusy23

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Lots of love, honey. He can't take your DD from you.

You cannot let her go to someone who will not give you a verifiable address.

It's a fact, and I'm not involved or biased.

Hugs.

Well, ex is still refusing to give me his address as 'i cannot be trusted with it' due to involving work mates in our breakup! The work mate he is talking about here is the girl I assume he left me for.. so I still think he is living with her and protecting her rather than worrying about what consequences it has for him regarding his daughter.

Anyway, more text msgs last night and today back and forth; had enough of it all now.. have said he can take DD to school this week as usual but have emailed my solicitor regarding the crap about his address and threats to have his mobile number cut off and she replied back almost instantaneously asking me to make an appointment to see her.

I have been paying the sky bill since he left; had to go interactive to change the direct debit as sky wouldn't take it over the phone due to me not being the account holder and refusing to end my ex's contract and put me as they new account number; ex has since phoned Sky to cancel his account and of course there is a different account number to take payment from and he has threatened to get me done for interfering in his sky account. No thanks that I have actually paid it for the 4 months he has been gone to save him getting a default, just more threats in an attempt at trying to hassle and control me. So fed up with all of this now.