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Move mortgage mountain project
Comments
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Oh yes, night out is a freebee. Project are paying - yay!"Carpe Diem"
MFW - Starting mortgage April 2010 - 120,000
MFW - restart Nov 2013 - £70207.88 & £14086.49
Current balance - £62459.49 & £10380.19
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well
Kids have just left to go and meet their Dad, so I have an afternoon to myself!
Lst night was a bit of a disappointment, as the meal I ordered was not very nice - oh well, it was still free grub!
Counted out my £2 coins,and was thrilled to find I had £140! Plus £20 in 50ps. Will be banking them on Monday. I would not normally have that many, but X gave kids some, so they swapped with me for notes, and of course I am duty bound to put them in my cat bank!
Grocery bills are looking a bit high this month, but I will have to go through them, as a small fortune of that is stuff for the new kittens! Scrathing post from Asda, blankets and beds from Tesco (which was a bargain £2.50 for the bed and £1 for each blanket). AND they eat for England! I think I will seperate them out in MS Money. (The expenses, not the kittens!)
My Halifax reward current account is now fully open, and I have ben paid the 50 quid for transferring my Direct Debits. Although, again I did notice that there online banking does not provide any dowload facility - boo! not even to CSV. I'm not sure if I will have the time or inclination to manually enter all of the transactions into MS Money.
I am thinking about making a will. I know this is going to sound strange, but I am wondering if I can appoint a guardian, in the event of my death? Obviously, X has parental responsibility, but can I appoint an extra person, to look after their welfare?
Talking of this DD1 made me a bit sad yesterday. She was asking me about my evning out, and I told her I drank orange juice. she then asked me when I last had a drink, I said I could not remember. She then said "Well, I hope I Take after Dad then, he can handle up to 30 pints". I just did not know what to say, especially as they are so defensive about him. I have never been a big drinker, and tbh 20 years of watching X guzzle as much as he could, and dealing with the fallout has made me even less inclined to partake. Occaisionally, I do, but I can take it or leave it."Carpe Diem"
MFW - Starting mortgage April 2010 - 120,000
MFW - restart Nov 2013 - £70207.88 & £14086.49
Current balance - £62459.49 & £10380.19
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Just back from trip. Had an absolutely brilliant time - went down for bil's 40th birthday party. I REALLY enjoyed myself. I also enjoyed this morning, everyone sitting/standing round my sisters kitchen table. It is so,so nice to be able to relax and have laugh, with people I care about. This is the first year in a long time.
It was also DD2's birthday this weekend, and that went well too. She and 5 friends went to Pizza Hut for the Happy hour, followed by a sleepover. We also did a cake at BILs party for DD2, as all of our (large) family were there.
She met up with her Dad on Friday for a chinese in honour of her birthday."Carpe Diem"
MFW - Starting mortgage April 2010 - 120,000
MFW - restart Nov 2013 - £70207.88 & £14086.49
Current balance - £62459.49 & £10380.19
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Today recieved an email from Quidco, £33.01 on its way to me - yay!"Carpe Diem"
MFW - Starting mortgage April 2010 - 120,000
MFW - restart Nov 2013 - £70207.88 & £14086.49
Current balance - £62459.49 & £10380.19
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Well, I havebnt posted for some time, and I have to admit I am struggling.
Last week DD1 and I went into town. When we came home,she received a text from her best friend. She said "Gues what Chloes Mum bought her on their shopping trip?", and then reeled off a big list. "All I got was a CD". Afterwards she said she was joking, but it made me feel rubbish. Am I doing the wrong thing focussing so much on paying the mortgage down? Am I forcing my kids into a lifestyle they did not choose?
I have been saying for weeks that I was going to buy DD1 a new coat, but so far, se hasn't picked one out. I also, on that day, offered to buy her some new pj's as she has no warm pairs. But, again, she didn't see any she liked. We are going into town again tomorrow, so we can look some more.
There again, she told me she needs me to buy her a new dress and shoes for a party coming up, so it seems like it is never enough. I suppose most teenagers are like this, but I am so full of self doubt, I don't know what to think about it all.
Also, DD2 went away with her Dad last weekend. Now she has come back and announced that she wants to start collecting items from ebay, in a similar vein to her Dad. Although it's nothing to do with me, I can't help worrying as my X runs up loads of ebay bills, and doesn't think anything of it.
I suppose I am feeling a bit down. I just can't face socialising, and everything seems overwhelming. I am constantly grumpy and on edge. I just seem to want to be on my own all the time. I wish I could snap out of it."Carpe Diem"
MFW - Starting mortgage April 2010 - 120,000
MFW - restart Nov 2013 - £70207.88 & £14086.49
Current balance - £62459.49 & £10380.19
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Hi Julliff
We all have days like this, so please don't give yourself a hard time.
Do your kids understand about the mortgage? Would it be possible to get them to 'buy in' to your journey, by sharing a few facts and figures with them? After all, at least one of your DDs is old enough to understand the value of money, that providing a home doesn't come for free and that we are all working for a more secure financial future - especially in these straightened times!
Good luck and take care,
QB0 -
Last week DD1 and I went into town. When we came home,she received a text from her best friend. She said "Gues what Chloes Mum bought her on their shopping trip?", and then reeled off a big list. "All I got was a CD". Afterwards she said she was joking, but it made me feel rubbish. Am I doing the wrong thing focussing so much on paying the mortgage down? Am I forcing my kids into a lifestyle they did not choose?
<>
Also, DD2 went away with her Dad last weekend. Now she has come back and announced that she wants to start collecting items from ebay, in a similar vein to her Dad. Although it's nothing to do with me, I can't help worrying as my X runs up loads of ebay bills, and doesn't think anything of it.
Alll the Chloes out there who have not learnt the value of money will learn a very hard lesson when the bank of M&D is not paying for lots of the lifestyle they think they should have.
Excuse me passing throughDebt at highest: £8k. Debt Free 31/12/2009. Original MFD May 2036, MF Dec 2018.0 -
Hello, and thanks for taking the trouble to post. I appreciate it.
I have told them that I have a large mortgage. But I'm not sure that they appreciate the implications of that, especially as I am a contractor.
The other thing they don't realise, is that I get no help from their Dad. But what he does do, is give them money etc, so he looks like a hero to them, I just get to keep a roof over their heads, and do the boring things.
He doesn't work, and is living off the divorce settlement in which he received 50% of everything. This will not last forever of course, but unfortunately, my x is not the sort to worry about that.
Kids are very defensive about their Dad, so I have to be very careful about what I say.
It just feels like I am swimming against the tide so to speak. Only by reading all the diaries on here, do I get a sense that I am doing a good thing.
Again,many thanks. I feel a little less alone this morning!"Carpe Diem"
MFW - Starting mortgage April 2010 - 120,000
MFW - restart Nov 2013 - £70207.88 & £14086.49
Current balance - £62459.49 & £10380.19
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Julliff, I accept that you have always tried to behave honestly and honourably towards your Ex but in doing so, you are now adding an unbearable burden onto your lone shoulders by not sharing with your children the fact that he is paying no maintenance or support towards them. No wonder you are feeling alone and are having feelings of worthlessness. Your children are judging your ability to provide for them on a completely false premise.
Please, I beg you, sit them down now, before Christmas is on top of you and tell them that:
1. Their father is not paying a penny in maintenance towards their keep
2. That you are the only person paying the mortgage of keep a roof over their heads
3. That the reason you are trying to overpay the mortgage is that your contractor's job could end at any time and if that happens and you can't find other work, there is a strong reality that all three of you could lose the home they are living in. Your overpayments are the only way that you can try and keep ahead of the game.
4. That the money their father gives them makes him look generous but actually you are trying to keep three people on one person's wage and that all his money is spent on himself.
In trying to shield your children from these realities you are unwittingly colluding in encouraging them to have expectations beyond your ability to let them "keep up with the Joneses". If DD2 is already showing signs that she thinks money grows on trees by wanting to keep up with her Dad's Ebay habits you need to be a lot more open with her about how hard it is trying to keep the family above the water line.
Could you try explaining to her that as part of the divorce settlement, he has taken 50% of the value of your home, this is what he is frittering away on e-Bay and when that money has gone, he will end up being penniless? I know this perhaps sounds a harsh fact for children to understand, but this is the reality of it and it's not surprising that the stress of it sometimes feels as if it is driving you into the ground. It's a very lonely place that you are in so please don't beat yourself up about it and take all the blame on your shoulders when you are actually blameless. It may take several years before your children start to see their father for the spendthift that he really is.
YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB. Your kids may not seem to appreciate what you're doing for them right now but everybody on here does.0 -
hey juliff
I second what the others have said that you are doing a great job!!
kids and teenagers (not sure how old yours are? ) will always want "the latest thing" ...and that latest thing will then go out of fashion/favour for the next one...I would imagine a lot of parents cannot afford to keep up with this (especially in the times we are in at the moment) but when friends parents are , and it sounds like thier dad has the money to spend on them (if not give to you!!!....) they are possibly getting a skewed version of life
when I was growing up my parents certainly never had the money to get me the latest "anything" .... looking back now, that was mostly because everything went to keeping the house/roof over our heads ... Im lucky perhaps in that I was never that into "the latest thing" but a lot of my friends were getting handouts here , there and everywhere.... fast forwards 15 years and I bought my first house in my very early twenties , whilst some of them dont even own a car let alone anywhere near being able to get a mortgage!
Im not for one second saying it is that easy .. or that simple ... your kids dont have to know the ins and outs of everything , and I hear what you are saying about them being defensive about thier dad , but it might help them realise what you are doing this for ... maybe not now even but it will be something that stays with them later on and will put them in much better position that having every single "latest thing" now ..
depending on how old they are as well , is there a way of them "having" thier own money , I guess to get them used to the "when its gone its gone" idea ... ?
you are doing great0
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