Move mortgage mountain project

julliff

Right,

Christmas break almost over, time to get back to the matter in hand.

I have not really been keeping to a plan over the last couple of weeks. I have been off work and I find it hard to maintain a routine or an agenda.
However, I have the following to report (and more importantly to throw at the mortgage):

Quidco - £28;
Halifax Reward: £5;
Luncheon vouchers for survery completed: £3;
NW current account interest: £1.28;
Ebay sales: £21.50;
Money saved on gym pass (special offer): £10

Quite pleased with that little lot -- I make that £68.78 :-)

I am planning on going out to the sales tomorrow, and will stick to the rule of putting any discount amount to Mortgage. That will either put me off buying, or nibble away at the mortgage, reducing any pangs of guilt at spending! :-)

I will try to be restrained, as Christmas has seriously dented my funds, and I have no income for a couple of weeks either. I did try to buy the girls things that they would need and appreciate, but I gave them money as well.

Scuba is back on tonight, really looking forward to that, even if I am a little worried that I might be a bit smooshed in my wetsuit after all the mince pies :eek: .

Oh, and I did spend on myself too -- I bought myself a guitar, :j and have booked some lessons starting next week. I have been promising myself I would do this for ages. I used to play many years ago, and I would dearly love to do so again. I downloaded some music over Christmas and have been teaching myself one of the pieces. It's only a grade 2 level piece, but I am really enjoying it, and find it quite cathartic when I start to feel angsty.

Have done meal plan for the next week:

Sat -- home made fish and chips:
Sun -- roast chicken;
Mon -- teriyaki chicken with leftovers;
Tues -- shepherds pie;
Weds -- eating out -- sisters birthday;
Thurs -- fajitas;
Fri -- Tuna and past a bake

Right, better get to the next thing, really want to be organised before going back to work on Monday

J x

julliff

Another week gone by -- goodness.:eek:

Well, DD1 went back to Uni on Thursday, so things should be a bit quieter.

Last week was not so good, in MFW terms, but they can't all be corkers, just got too keep plodding on!

Soo, totting it all up:

20p, 50p & £20 coins banked: £40
Savings on Boots offers £3.00 (hmm, there seems to be a pattern here)
Amazon voucher reward for recommendation: £50
Ebay sales: £6.50
Interest on M/A number 2 add in: £25.01


So that makes £125.50! Oh, its a lot more than I thought, now I have written it all down

On the flip side, it has been a bit of a spendy week. I have booked a ticket to see the Beckett trilogy, and also Blood Brothers. BUT, I am looking forward to both of them loads, so I don't want to spoil it by feeling guilty! In my defence, I did get some bargain coach tickets!

I have also had my first guitar lesson -- yay. It is £10 for 30 mins, but I have justified this to myself, as DD2 has decided to quit dancing, which will save me £14 per week, so it is a net gain... hehehe!

The third indulgence was buying myself a "new" iPod. It was a second hand one someone at work was selling, so a bargain. I have missed my music since I lost the old one, so again, the pleasure will offset the feelings of guilt.

J x

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

Good for you, we all need to get some things for ourselves - none of this is the frivolous impulse buying of junk that I certainly used to indulge in!

julliff

I haven't update this diary for a couple of weeks, as things have been very difficult for me.

I have had a health scare, which today, I learned is not as bad as feared. But while waiting I was an anxiety overdrive!

But also, I have had some problems with my daughter, over her father. I am sure I handled it all wrong, but now she is not speaking to me. I feel I have let her down.

So, all in all, the mortgage does not seem so important. I feel exhausted!

I will get back to it, very shortly. This I promise.

gallygirl

Glad healthwise you're ok. Am sure things will sort themselves out with your daughter.

Just keep on keeping on and have a dodgy hug :grouphug:.

GG x

julliff

Thanks Gallygirl

there are no manuals for life are there? Sigh.

The thing is she rang me up very worried about her Dad. She said his depression is back, and she is scared he is going to kill himself.

I said that maybe she should speak to one of his friends to get them to check up on him, and just let him know that you are there for him (she is away at Uni). She said she has tried to get him to go to the doctors but he just gets really angry at her. Apparently he is very flat and told her there seems no point in anything anymore.

Then I made the mistake of saying I was worried about her. She changed to very angry, and said "Would you even be upset if Dad dies? You haven't even asked about him" -- I tried to explain (badly) that of course it is sad when anyone dies, but we are divorced, and it would not affect me the way it does her, and it's not really that much to do with me anymore, other than as my childrens other parent. So I wanted to be there for her.

She hung up, and will not return any of my calls or texts. I feel terrible, but I could not lie to her. I probably handled it all wrong, but now she thinks I am a cold heartless bi-atch.

There are reasons why I won't/can't get involved, but I do not want to drag her into all of that, he is her Dad, and I know she loves him.

Sorry to write this all down here, but I am struggling with it all, and not coping at all well.

norfolkdream

I know what you mean about ex's. mine is awful. I try and hide it from the kids and I would feel exactly the same as you regarding what he does or doesnt do does not effect me only the kids. The fact that he is talking like this to his daughter is really not fair on her. He should see that he shouldnt put that burden on her. My kids are in senior school still but they are slowly realising what their dad is like. If I were to move tomorrow they wouldnt even bat an eyelid and I dont think their dad would mind either, one less chore he would have. I very rarely speak to him only to chase him for his maintenance money. I have tried to be amicable but I will not be walked over.
Your daughter will come round when she is less angry, she has a lot on her plate worrying about her dad and you are the person she can shout it out at to get it out of her system.

On reading your diary some of your thoughts are the same as mine, I have been single for the past 8 years, mostly my own choice but occasionally I would like to be with someone. It would probably be really hard now as I am used to my life as it is and I have all these plans that doesnt involve another person. Who knows, things may change. I too spend every other xmas day on my own, I refuse to go to someone else's house to watch them play happy families, but they dont see that, they think they are helping by offering you to join them.

You do seem to have a very full life, with your hobbies etc, you are doing really well with your mortgage. Your girls are doing exceptionally well all thanks to you.
But like you I dont think about the good things, I tend to focus on the bad. I am trying to look for some inspiring quotes that I am going to put in frames around my house to keep me focused on the good.

julliff

thanks nn

Yes I tried to be civil and communicate when it came to the girls, but it was pointless, as it was just a way for hom to carry on being manipulative, so I gave up.

Well, DD1 has texted me to say she is coming home. I am picking her up from the station 40 miles away. I tried to talk her out of it saying that her Dad would not want her to fall behind with her studies (not sure if this is entirely true, as he only really thinks about himself!), but she is adamant, says she can't concentrate, and has already fallen behind. I asked her is she had spoken to her Dad about coming home, and she said, there is no point, he just shouts at me.

I feel powerless to do much. I told her I was very concerned about her, and she and her sister will always be my first priority, and I will support them both (I am talking emotional support).

At least she is speaking to me again now.

Its hard isn't it? I wouldn't mind "dating" if the chance came along, but I definitely don't want to give up my independence. Not sure where the middle ground is, not into, erm, casual either!

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

Hello,

My ex is manipulative too... Always telling the children how badly he is doing and making them feel sorry for him even though in reality he is doing fine and the bad bits are only the result of his own bad decisions and nobody's fault but his own. Your dd is too young to know that the only way to end attention seeking behaviour is to refuse to feed it. Poor thing, I hope she sees the lights soon, and is am glad you are mending things. It will take some time for her to see things as they really are.

All the very best,

Squirrel

norfolkdream

My ex also plays the skint card, but then they come home and say he has had a promotion! The sort of promotion where you actually get paid less than before!
How can these men not see what they are doing to their children.

As for the dating thing, erm havent had one for years, I feel it all yuk! I went on a couple a few years ago and they were awful, I knew within the first few minutes but you still have to sit there with that awful silences etc. I dont do 'casual' either but then dont want to give up my independence. I dont want to share all that I have worked for in this house but also I dont want to give it up to put in with someone else as I have big trust issues where that is concerned. Its terrible isnt really, we cant live the rest of our lives like this but I cant see my life changing any time soon, for one thing I dont have a social life!