Move mortgage mountain project

Secret_Saving_Squirrel

Hello,

I think something is in the air today - feel rubbish too. Really sympathise with the rate cut. Hope your employers are not using the recession as a reason to exploit.... There seems to be quite a lot of that around. You are doing really well. Good luck with your new plans to be MF.

Squirrel:j

Primrose

julliff - You've done really well on your first mortgage reduction hike so don't berate yourself. What you've achieved so far is all the more commendable considering you're the mother of two teenage girls who take a lot of financially supporting and you're the sole income earner for your family with all the stresses that this entails. And look at your signature showing no debt on your 0% cards. You're handling your finances really well and should be proud of yourself, so you're allowed to have a "down" day occasionally.

You haven't mentioned anything recently about what your Ex is doing to earn a living. Could he be persuaded to give you some regular financial support for your girls now your income is being reduced?

julliff

Hi, thanks for the replies

Squirrel, sorry tohear you are feeling rubbish. My signature used to read "this too shall pass", worth remebering when you are feeling flat!

Primrose, always good to hear fron you. No, X does not have a job. In fact, as I posted earlier, X had agreed to take on DD1s mobile commitment. However, he told her she could go onto a contract, and she had a wish for a blackberry. This evening she rang me from X's because X cannot get the conrtact due to no job, and could I get it, and he will give me the money!

When I picked her up, I told her no, because I would still be ultimately responsible for 2 years, and if X decides to stop paying, I will be left with it. Also, if she runs up a large bill by going over, he may refuse to pay, so I am back to square one. I only ever paid for 30 day conrtact, so really I would be worse off.

She was not pleased, but I stood my ground. I pointed out to her that she has had prom dress, trip to Wales for Zorbing etc, an Ipod so she does not exactly go without. She has taken this on board I think. Six months ago, she would have been raging, but she has kept calm. Progress!

vandanfc

That is indeed progress. Shame ex is still a waste of space - how did he think he was going to get a phone on contract when he wasn't working ????

Brighton_belle

oh Juliffe, well done for standing your ground!! And what is great is you haven't said you felt 'mean' . (And I'd love a blackberry too but can't afford it, end of,lol.)
I do think you shoud be proud of yourself, your parenting, and how much stronger you are growing. And another lesson for DD1 - we can't always have what we want materially and it's worth reflecting on how lucky she is and so many of us are) to have so much already. AND she seemed to take it on board.

In some of your recent posts, your underlying confidence is coming through and it is great to read. Of course we all have down days too - as you say 'this too will pass'.
And there was something great about not having time to list on ebay becasue of so much entertaining to do...:D

To have knocked 10K off your mtg in a year - wow wow wow!

julliff

hi all

Yes indeed, it does make me wonder what planet he is on, thinking he can get a contract without a job.

Most of the time I feel "brittle" if that makes sense. Work is stressful, but I habe a lot of friends there, and I feel able to cope with anything.

However, I am not so resilient at home. I could kick myself sometimes because now I have been divorced for a whole year, and I still feel scarred by all that went on in the last two years. I need to put it all behind me, forever.

A friend of mine asked me if I would look for romance again, and it almost sent me into a panic attack. I can't even begin to examine those feelings. Perhaps I am just emotionally bankrupt.

I got asked out for dinner a few weeks ago, and I almost literally ran away from the asker! :eek:

Anyway, I'll put all those things away, and concentrate on the MFW, much better.

Had a surprise payment from Quidco, so that will go towards the hols.

Checked freezer and have everything for next weeks dinners, so I've only had to get bread & lunchbox items this week.

Off to sisters this evening, so no meal needed, chicken for tomorrow, with leftovers going into a curry on Monday.

Oh, and I am toying with paying a lump sum from a cash ISA (£3500) into mortgage - can't quite decide.

Have a good weekend!

Primrose

I don't think you're emotionally bankrupt julliff. A year is not very long when it comes to recovering from any kind of emotional trauma. In the same way that our bodies need a prolonged period to heal after a physical accident, our emotions need a similar time to recover from an emotional trauma. You're still in the process of trying to rediscover your real identity and become a whole single person again, rather than being one half of a couple in a boat when you were the only person doing all the rowing and taking all the strain. There are no set recovery times for things like bereavement and marriage breakdown. It takes as long as it takes.

All that matters is that the worst of your traumas are behind you and you are now "in recovery mode". I'm sure that the further away from the event you get, the more you will gradually start to feel stronger and more self confident.

As for your ISA, if your mortgage interest is higher than the interest you're getting on your ISA, it probably makes sense to reduce your mortgage as in the longer term it will help reduce its length and the amount of interest you pay. But don't leave yourself without any other savings for emergencies, especially if your income is going to be reduced and longer term bills like winter fuel costs are going to rise substantially. You may want to wait and see for a few months to see how you're managing on a reduced income before you make the decision.

January20

Hi Juliff, I just want to say that you shouldn't worry about your feelings at the moment, regarding your divorce and dating again. I divorced 10 years ago and it took me a lot longer than a year to fully recover from it. I was really aware that I was emotionally battered. At that time, the vibes were so negative that I fear no man dared come near me :rotfl:.

On top of that, I had a 7 yo, and over the following years my ex and his new wife really put her through a lot emotionally. That didn't help my recovery, but as every day passed, I felt better and became stronger, more independent.

I now feel completely recovered (although I still have lot of resentment towards my ex for what he put my dd through) and it's only now, as she is about to leave to go to university (I hope ) that I am thinking if the opportunity presented itself, I might consider a relationship again.

What I'm trying to say, with my life story (sorry lol!) is that you need to take the time to heal properly and that can take any length of time and you shouldn't worry about it. I think it's a little bit like grieving, everybody does it their own way.

I do hope, though, that it won't take you as long as it did me, because of the wrong side of 45, there aren't so many fish in the sea... not ones that interest me anyway lol!

julliff

Hi all

Thanks for all of your replies. Maybne you are right - I just worry that I should snap out of it. I can be ok for a long time, but then something can trigger off a sort of relapse - I just need to focus.

Have been reading another thread about narcissists, and I feel so sorry for those people who have encountered those sorts of people - it messes with your head - big time.

January20 - I am the wrong side of 45, about 2 stone overweight, so I know how you feel.

I work with a lot of men in IT, and I have a lot of male friends because of that, but mostly because they think I am a nice person - maybe even "one of the lads" That suits me fine, its about the level I can cope with just now.

Primrose - yes, you are probably right, thinking on. I could use the ISA money to do the extras - like the outstanding payments for DD2s ski trip! That way it wont feel like a strain on the main budget, thanks!

January20

julliff wrote: »

Hi all



January20 - I am the wrong side of 45, about 2 stone overweight, so I know how you feel.

Just like me, but I'm working on the weight and for once I have some willpower and success as I have a tendency to high blood pressure (My doctor has told me to avoid being stressed and relax more lol!). And in any case, just like you I'm sure, when you've been in a bad relationship you are much more fussy and careful aren't you?

It's also a good thing being on the wrong side of 45 and having had kids, you have a wealth of experience behind you and there isn't the urgency anymore, is there?