Friendships and money

aliasojo

flippin36 wrote: »

There are loads of weird incidents like that that are coming back to me. I've been an idiot and seriously thinking that come what may after Saturday night to end our friendship .

Thanks for reading - I'm starting to see things I hadn't before and I needed to get it off my chest.

I think you've been guilty of being too nice and being too close to the situation to see it clearly.

You now know the way he's been acting is not right so stay strong and don't let your kind nature fool you into letting him off. Things need to change now, I'm sure once you decide to be firmer, all will turn out ok. Good luck.

Soubrette

Ladyhawk wrote: »

Spongers are the lowest of the low.

I have a group of friends who when we go out for dinner will drink loads while I sip water, order 3 course and coffees when I usually only have a main and then always want to split the bill evenly. After my subsidising them a number of times I now just put down my money when the bill arrives and say "mine came to X, you want split the rest how you want". I know they get annoyed by this but I really don't care. They just never seem to realise that I would be paying double for what I had.

As for housemates not pulling their weight - that's why I live alone.

I don't mind anyone doing this - nothing wrong with working out your share and putting it in.

I had a work colleague who would say he did this but when we went out paid only for his food - no service charge for large groups so the rest of us had to subsidise that.

Went out with him one more time and he didn't like his food, he didn't complain he just refused to pay, I know, we should have asked for a revised bill and left him to argue his case but we all subsidised him again. However, I personally never went out with him after that.

I have a friend at the moment who is always happy to split the bill when she has had more food than bill but creates merry hell if she's only had less food than she would have to pay for in a split. I'm usually the one jipped because almost always I subsidise her as I choose the veggie option however on the odd occasion she's had the cheaper dish we pay our own *rolleyes*.

I put up with it because it serves me right for being too lazy to work out my own proportion of the bill though

Sou

newcook

grrrrrr!!! people like this make me mad!!! I live alone and so have less money than if I had a flatmate but if I can afford to go out, I dont go out!!! even if friends say 'I will lend you a tenner' I would rather refuse as I hate borrowing money! on the few occassions I have had to borrow money, they have had it back the following day.

I dont get into rounds (unless we are doing a kitty and we all bung in the same amount).

the only time I dont go out with much money is when we have a works doo - mainly because the director sticks it all through his expenses (which we cant even if we did get a round in) and there is no way I would be able to afford to eat and drink in the places the director chooses to take us!!

he is 41 !!!!!!! he needs to be told that the gravy train stops here. make sure he pays for his ticket and arrange with other friends you are going with to either not drink in rounds or to have a kitty which he has to contribute to or buy his own drinks - oh, and dont let him look after the kitty as he will pretend he has already put into it and if it doesnt all get spent I doubt any of you will see any change!!!!!

misgrace

flippin36 wrote: »

I spent last night thinking about all the weird things he's done over the years (you couldn't make it up ).

Thanks for reading - I'm starting to see things I hadn't before and I needed to get it off my chest.

Atta girl...:T Sometimes we cant see whats in front of our eyes, as we are blinded by love/friendship, or we dont admit it to ourselves, incase it comes accross as paranoia:eek:

But by you posting in the first place was the first step, something was telling you that its not right, and by all the replies from the good people on here you are now remembering things that you forgot, or thought wasnt that important, but when you add them all up :eek: 'Crikey! this isnt right, this has got to stop'.

Now all you have to do now is play the bad cop.;)

Mips

he's not a great friend. your blinkered. he's a user.

tabskitten

I don't think that its fair to pas judgment on if he is a good friend or not. he may be generous emoytionally where he lacks financially.
He can't be that bad or he would never be invited in the first place.
OP just needs to talk to him and clear things up.

Material_Girl_2

I think he knows exactly what the's doing! I would be livid and not pay a penny more for him.

If he is a good friend in other ways then he should understand if you explain that now you're really skint, recesssion, children etc and from now you must really look after your pennies and will only take a small amount of cash out so you don't overspent and if people want lifts they'd have to give you petrol money beforehand as you just can't find the money to pay in advance as your budget is just too tight.

He'll get the message without you actually confronting him (your actually just complaining about your lack of money) and then see it through. Next time a dinner is arranged say you only brought enough cash with you for a main meal and a glass of wine, how terrible is it to be so skint!

He will then either open up to having money troubles himself, which would explain a lot, or start treating you, which confirms your opinion that he is a very sensitive and caring person, who just doesn't think. Or he may suddenly decide to see a lot less of you, which again would explain a lot!

Spirit_2

Only you can know if this is someone that is important in your life.

You can rebalance the economics though and still be friends.

Try saying "in the past we have been able to treat you when we have gone out, but times are not as good as they used to be, we can pay our share but no more than that." Check that he understands - "so on saturday you will need to pay for your ticket and drinks".

Tell him about MSE, direct him to this site - he may have money problems (apart from his 'tight' approach) and this is a no cost to you way of supporting him.

Good luck

katieclampet

I can only agree with most of the really good advice you have been given. I woud be interested to know how things turn out.

katiex

Material_Girl_2

How did it go on Saturday? Did your manage to bring the subject up with your friend?