Friendships and money

leachyd

Barny1979 wrote: »

Can't believe you're still friends with them!

Ha, it was just one guy that the rest of us had problems with. But yeah, dont spend as much time with him these days as just got bored of subbing him all over the place.

Good luck to the OP with their mate!

danielle1977

jakem wrote: »

Hi Britwife, just being curious, what is a layaway?, never heard of that word.:D.

Britwife may be american, lay away is where you put something aside in a shop-in a customer service type area and make payments, usually for christmas etc. She said 'cussed out' to-I don't know many people that say that-except for my american friends and family-so Britwife-are you american?-where are you from?

TotallyBroke

top_drawer wrote: »

hi,

I have a kind of similar situation with a housemate who rarely pulls her weight around the house - each week we all (myself and my other housemate) do a room each (kitchen, bathroom, lounge) for day to day cleaning.

Most weekends when these jobs tend to get done she has an excuse (its too sunny to stay indoors, she has period pains, she has to work Saturday so Sunday is her only day off etc etc) or finds something else to do and just doesnt bother doing it. The following week that room will get done by someone else so I figure she thinks "what does it matter? its not desperate!).

This is really p!ssing me off.

My friend had a similar problem with her house share, so she had a house meeting and told them. There could be 1 of 2 solutions. Either a rota is drawn up each week so that everyone did their fair share. Or they pay an extra amount of money each week and get a cleaner in.
They all opted for a cleaner, so now their house rules are wipe over kitchen and bathroom after use and clean your own personal bedroom. Bathroom and kitchen and all communial areas are cleaned by the cleaner.

flippin36

Thanks again for your suggestions, I have taken them on board and will make sure one way or the other that he pays for his ticket on Saturday, I'm not doing rounds and will tell OH not to offer to buy him a drink, if he asks I'll say I didn't get chance to go to the cashpoint.

I spent last night thinking about all the weird things he's done over the years (you couldn't make it up ).

Like when he offered to take me food shopping when I didn't have a car, he filled my trolly with expensive branded food. I assumed he was doing his own shopping for the week. When we got to the checkout he piled his food with mine. I said 'oh am I paying for this?' he said 'I thought we could eat it for dinner tonight?'. Firstly there was enough food for him for a week, and secondly I never invited him to dinner! I made him a meal then he said "I might as well take the rest home if we aren't eating it".

And we once went on holiday together, we had a kitty for meals etc. I basically handed a large portion of my spending money over to him to look after. He went off to a market for an afternoon and spent the lot! On rubbish. We didn't even have any train fare to get home from the airport. I had to ring my mum to meet us at the train station to pay our fares.

There are loads of weird incidents like that that are coming back to me. I've been an idiot and seriously thinking that come what may after Saturday night to end our friendship .

Thanks for reading - I'm starting to see things I hadn't before and I needed to get it off my chest.

Hectors_House

I'm amazed anyone could act like that and still think they are a friend.

Most of my friends earn a lot more then me so they understand if I can't afford to go out for meals/drinks more often in the month but we all help each other in little ways like making sure we all get the rounds in or they bring a nice bottle of wine over if we've invited them over to ours for a meal to save money.

I do think your mate is taking the pi$$ big time but also think there are underlying big problems with money management.

Treating you like he does stops him from having to face up to his own lightbulb moment and whatever it his he uses spending to mask.

Good luck this weekend.

ManOnTheMoon

Sorry if this sounds blunt, but he's taking the pi$s, for whatever reason. It may not be meant maliciously and he may have money issues. Just because he earns alot, doesn't mean he lives within his means.

I am surprised anyone would let it get this far, but I also understand we have different boundaries etc.

It has to stop now though because if it's been going for this long, it's not suddenly going to stop without feet being put down and words being said.

Also, no okay it won't happen again and then letting it happen 'just one more time as it won't hurt' - it stops now! I understand it may be tough, but it has to stop immediatley.

Hermia

flippin36 wrote: »

Like when he offered to take me food shopping when I didn't have a car, he filled my trolly with expensive branded food. I assumed he was doing his own shopping for the week. When we got to the checkout he piled his food with mine. I said 'oh am I paying for this?' he said 'I thought we could eat it for dinner tonight?'. Firstly there was enough food for him for a week, and secondly I never invited him to dinner! I made him a meal then he said "I might as well take the rest home if we aren't eating it".

That is taking the p***! I agree with the previous poster who said his behaviour is not the behaviour of a sensitive individual. Sensitive people are PAINFULLY aware of how they treat other people.

flippin36 wrote: »

Thanks for reading - I'm starting to see things I hadn't before and I needed to get it off my chest.

Well done for facing up to it. I hope it works out well. I think many people have suddenly had to re-evaluate a friendship so you are not alone.

Kate78

If he's such a good friend and nice person as you say, you will just have to spell it out.

There is only so far that you can take advantage of folks before they've had enough, and it sounds like you are reaching that point

Pollycat

flippin36
I think the comments made by the majority of posters has really opened your eyes and made you question whether this person really is a very good friend or has just been taking advantage.

I'm not sure whether you really need to end this friendship, maybe just put it on a more fair footing with him paying his share.
However, he may have fooled you all these years and banked on you continuing to subsidise him and once he realises that you're not going to do that any more, HE might decide to end the friendship.

elfen

The bloke is taking you for a ride! You need to tell him he needs to stop treating everyone else like his personal cashpoints, get off his bum and get his own bloody money out. No amount of !!!!!footing will get the point to him, so you need to tell him straight