Friendships and money

flippin36

Thanks for your replies.

I know what I have to do. I think maybe he takes advantage of me because we've been friends for so long. Thinking about it, it started when my kids were babies 10 years ago. I used to make him meals quite a lot which I liked doing because he was on his own, but when the kids came along I found it hard entertaining and cooking with the kids around so I would get a babysitter and take him out instead. I think it escalated from there. I think he probably thinks I like to pay for everything to say thank you to him which I suppose I did at first... I dunno.

Seeing it all written down here it looks quite bad. I know what I need to do :cool:.

gabyjane

Good luck hun. I hope you get a good result and he sees his ways are wrong..let us all know x

Britwife

He's only a good friend going way back because you have paid for everything. Stop paying and the friendship will end. You have priorities and tbh, he shouldn't be one of them.

My sister once had a friend and while we were out shopping I saw her friend. I saw her look right at my sister while she wasn't looking and walked right past her. She only said hello to her when my sister turned and saw her walking away. My sister had about 300 dollars worth of stuff on layaway for this friends daughter. I told my sister what I saw and knew then that she was just using her. My sister didn't believe it so I told her to test her. I told her to tell her friend that she had to cancel the layaway. Her friend cussed her out, hung up on her, and never spoke to her again.

Sorry, but you don't need people like that in your life.

SUESMITH_2

i'll be your friend!!!

seriously, i have a friend who is wealthy (multi millionaire) who used to come out with just enough for a pint for himself but would then have drinks off the rest of us, the final straw was when me and a friend were very hard up and once again no money only his card so i pointed out the pub took cards and that there was a cashpoint next door. next thing you know there were drinks alround - i dont know why but the direct approach worked with him and he has been more than generous ever since, he never gave it a thought that we were hard up.

i thnk you need to be direct and if the friendship suffers so be it - he isn't a true friend no matter what you have been through

top_drawer_2

hi,

Please come back and update us on how things go! I really feel for you as I hate these types of situations and have avoided addressing directly, at least you have you OH support.

I have a kind of similar situation with a housemate who rarely pulls her weight around the house - each week we all (myself and my other housemate) do a room each (kitchen, bathroom, lounge) for day to day cleaning.

Most weekends when these jobs tend to get done she has an excuse (its too sunny to stay indoors, she has period pains, she has to work Saturday so Sunday is her only day off etc etc) or finds something else to do and just doesnt bother doing it. The following week that room will get done by someone else so I figure she thinks "what does it matter? its not desperate!).

Keep in mind I work 2 part-time jobs and my housemate works 9-7.30 ish, while this housemate works 11-3, 5 days a week. When I mentioned it was her turn to do the kitchen this last week she said that she doesnt feel that she has done any cooking for ages ..... none of it has anything to do with cleaning up after youself!

I have just put the recycling boxes outside while she didnt bother helping ..... tommorrow she will likely walk past them when she gets back from work, when I will do them before I go back out to my second job!

This is really p!ssing me off.

Ladyhawk

Spongers are the lowest of the low.

I have a group of friends who when we go out for dinner will drink loads while I sip water, order 3 course and coffees when I usually only have a main and then always want to split the bill evenly. After my subsidising them a number of times I now just put down my money when the bill arrives and say "mine came to X, you want split the rest how you want". I know they get annoyed by this but I really don't care. They just never seem to realise that I would be paying double for what I had.

As for housemates not pulling their weight - that's why I live alone.

Barny1979

leachyd wrote: »

Also had a similar problem with one of my group of mates... one guy would never get his wallet out of his pocket but was happy to have drinks bought for him all night etc. In January he and I went to an Arsenal away game, as ever, i would be driving; The evening before, two of my tyres were slashed so I got a lift to his town (where i so most of my socialising). I told him i wouldnt be able to drive due to the tyres being trashed. Silence from him, then he asks "how we going to get there then?" to cut it short he refused to drive, so I had to get a lift back to mine, have the car fixed up then drive us both up. Not that bad, but i live an hour away and had to get another mate to take me to my car.

Anyway, one way or the other you need to confront this guy about his tight ways. Me and my friends ended up just being obvious about it - e.g. When we arrived at a bar we would just all telll him it was his round first! He's still a tight !!!, but not so bad anymore.

Can't believe you're still friends with them!

Barny1979

Have a 'friend' the one who lived with me and took lots of liberties.Four of us went for a meal a few weeks back, he had a starter, main, dessert and two beers, it was only the day after that me and another person had realised he'd only put in £15, whereas everyone else had put in £20 each, I'd only had a main, dessert and water. He's always the last to buy a pint or needs to go to cashpoint so isn't first in the bar and guess what, he's on nearly £30 an hour pay.

SugarSpun

It's a difficult one - I wouldn't say anything directly but I would only take the cash I needed and spend as close to exactly that as I could.

A friend of mine once accused me of not paying my way, because we'd gone to dinner and I'd put in £20 rather than the £30 everyone else did. I pointed out that I was drinking tap water to her massive c0cktails and hadn't eaten dessert or side orders where she'd had both, and her actual bill was £34 so I'd subsidised her bill by £4 as well as tipping the waitress (mine was about £12 in total IIRC). She apologised, but after that I always asked for separate bills because I was so embarrassed by it.

I think in good friendships money stuff should even out over time. A good friend and I will take turns in buying dinner, and if one dinner's expensive and the next is Burger King on the way somewhere it doesn't matter - because another time it'll be the other way around. It only works because we're both good about it though and because we're open about our finances - while I was a student I was skint on an epic scale and he often topped up my phone, but then when I had a job and he didn't I topped up his.

jakem_2

Britwife wrote: »

. My sister had about 300 dollars worth of stuff on layaway for this friends daughter. I told my sister what I saw and knew then that she was just using her. My sister didn't believe it so I told her to test her. I told her to tell her friend that she had to cancel the layaway. Her friend cussed her out, hung up on her, and never spoke to her again.

Hi Britwife, just being curious, what is a layaway?, never heard of that word.:D

To OP, I agree with everyone, either tell him to his face, or do to him what he does to you when you go out again.

I have 2 really good friends, well, I say 2, but really its 1.

Friend A, has a fantastic sense of humour, will bend over backwards to help, but is quite selfish with money, she does the usual tricks that others have mentioned on here, but because I have know her for over 20 years I put up with it, but have stopped going out with her, as had enough of her not paying, or excuses.

Friend B, who really cant stand friend A, says shes a user, but thats another story lol, but friend B, is the complete opposite, very much like me, she will split 50/50 no messing, no excuses, if she cant affort to go out and I offer to treat her, she will treat me next time, or pay me back, even to the last penny.

With friend A, I really didnt look forward to our nights out, as always expecting the usual excuses and she never disappointed me, with friend B I have no worries whatsoever.

You have to do something, as the saying goes, 'either chit, or get off the pot';).